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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

teen fucking dramas!!

829 replies

Mintyy · 25/03/2015 20:41

I mean really and truly, aibu?

If you've never trod on eggshells before, you certainly will when you become owner of a teen.

That is all.

OP posts:
Pyjamasandwine · 01/04/2015 12:46

I always started off with 'well what did you do?' To any arguments etc with mine.

We backed the teachers up 100% even sometimes if we thought one had been a bit ott but it's good for kids to understand they life ain't always easy and sometimes adults get it wrong so just get on with it.

I found the drama lamas usually had mothers who were similar.

One American mum used to join in the fb shite with her dd and stay downstairs during teen sleepovers. She was a whack job though.

I turn a deaf ear to crap unless it's pesistant, seems more serious than the usual 'she said/I said or if the kid asks for help.

Can't abide these moms and lesser extent dads who jump in straight off and accuse everyone else of bullying their precious babies especially if you know it's tit for tat and their kid can be just as nasty as the best of them.

Let's face it they are all capable of bullying to some degree and are all susceptible to being bullied.

Re moving schools. We all know the types and you scream inside to say 'look you daft cow it can't be all the children at all these schools that are wrong. Look at yourselves' but some people just can't see it can they.

Lancelottie · 01/04/2015 13:28

Actually though...

We assumed our boy was probably 50% responsible for the trouble he seemed to be having with one other boy in his year.

Then he moved schools, and hasn't had any trouble since, whereas Other Boy apparently moved straight on to a new victim.

Cocolepew · 01/04/2015 13:36

Dd made friends in primary school that ended up the friend constantly picking on her and not allowing DD to have other friends. I eventually got it stopped.
This girlsis in high school with dd. They hate each other but there is no problems, they just ignore each other.
The girl is still doing the same now, picks a friend, dominates and bullys them. Then the friend moves away from her and the girls mum is down complaining that its her dd being victimised.
I know shes actually changing schools today because "everyone picks and bullys me".
I'm guessing that the pattern will continue in her new school.

Songofsixpence · 01/04/2015 13:45

Yeah, I had a lot of guff last year from DD about a particular teacher picking on her 'for no reason'

I was a bit yeah, yeah. Stop messing about in class, behave yourself and don't be cheeky. DD was insistent she hadn't done anything, just this teacher didn't like her

Then Ofsted came, this teacher left suddenly and it came out that there were dozens and dozens of complaints about this teacher bullying other staff and children.

I dunno, I want her to feel like I've got her back and I think it's important that she feels listened too and supported, but where to step in

Pyjamasandwine · 01/04/2015 14:16

No denying it's tricky but I think if you find it tricky and don't jump in straight away or be easily offended or be on the phone straight away hurling accusations then you have probably got it fairly ok. Grin

Cocolepew · 01/04/2015 14:49

Just had DDs head of house on the phone to say that he annd the other reachers are all doing their best to help Dd. He absolutely sees dd as a victim in the middle of whats going on. Maybe Im too hard on her thinking she should know to do the right thing Confused.
I was gobby as a teen so didn't really get much hassle from bullies.

When I was in 3rd year my english teacher really disliked me. I kepttelling my mum but she was a bit sceptical. At parents night she sat down and said "coco thinks you dont like her".
The reply was "shes right". The conversation went downhill from there Grin

Cocolepew · 01/04/2015 14:51

Yikes! Sorry for typos.
I went to an interview at tech before my exams and told them I had did my o level english a year early and got an A. Flipping teacher had predicted me to fail!

Songofsixpence · 01/04/2015 16:02

No, I don't go in all guns blazing and 99% of the time these dramas are entirely of DD's own making, but there's that always that 1% that leaves you a bit Confused

I find myself coming over all Godfather "mess with my daughter, mess with me" sometimes but I do keep a lid on it - poor old DH gets his ears bent instead Grin

The worst thing about it all is trying to get DD to take responsibility for her own part in these things. It's never her fault, it's always someone else who started it/gave her an evil/whatever.

Ledkr · 01/04/2015 16:59

I know this thread has been lighthearted but today I've had the rage.
Dd just doesn't seem to be able to shut up when she can see I'm annoyed.
Last few days she seems to have decided to just deny everything.
"Have you got my eyeliner"
"Nope"
"But you asked me if you could borrow it"
"No I didn't"
"You did"
Eyeliner turns up in her room.

"Can I make a smoothie?"
"Well yes but no mess as we are going away tmw and I've just cleaned the kitchen"

Later. Food mixer and processor out! banana skin,milk! ice cream, yogurt all left out.
Half drunk smoothie on the side.dirty bowl and jug and whisk all left out too.
Trying not to over react I ask 3 times for it to be out away.

The fourth time I tell her more forcefully so she stomps down and starts to clear up whilst eye rolling at me ranting.

She literally throws the mixer and blender into the cupboard, I have to call her back four times to get her to do it properly resulting in more eye rolling and cheek and me shouting.
Poor dd2 was crying.
Sometimes it all feels very dysfunctional Sad

Mrsjayy · 01/04/2015 17:23

Aww ledkr sounds tough if they actually did the thing asked in the first place there would be no bloody drama just clear up at your Arse it's not difficult

Cocolepew · 01/04/2015 17:42

My dd is a very good liar unfortunately.
You know you did the right thing seeing through to the end but sometimes you can see why parents give in and do it themselves for a quiet life.

Bogeyface · 01/04/2015 17:50

I can sympathise. The rows we have had in this house over performing a simple task that have taken longer and caused more trouble than just doing the task is ridiculous.

And who knew that putting a cup in the kitchen could cause such fucking trauma?

NeitherHereOrThere · 01/04/2015 18:07

ledkr - this kind of thing gives me the rage too. I dread it when my DC decide to do some baking - flour, sugar, cocoa and god knows what else all over the measuring scales, mixer, worktop and floor and then they think I am unreasonable for asking them to clean up. Happens every time and they don;t even do it properly - badly washed bowls etc and stuff chucked back into cupboards etc.

As for the falling outs with friends, I do my best to stay out of it and remind them that they must examine their own part. Another tactic is to ask them to write it all down....

butterfly2015 · 01/04/2015 18:48

Ledkr that seems normal.

Walked into kitchen bleary eyed this morning (having been up most of the night dealing with a vomiting child and cats fighting - and there was a LOT of vomit) to find teen unloading the dishwasher.

I said to teen - morning. Errr you need a shower.

She shouted "oh fgs! Stop going on! (Bear in mind I've said one sentence) and I'm doing you a favour so I'll shower later"

"Sorry? How is it a favour? Don't you use any dishes in this house?"

"It is a favour, it's your job!"
(At this point if my eyebrows get any higher they will fall off the back of my head)

"It's not a favour teen, it's called pulling your weight"

And at that she just stomped off declaring I could do it myself and she would shower when she wanted.

I won't even go into the drama over the computer later on.

antumbra · 01/04/2015 18:58

butterfly- I don't blame your DD for reacting like that.

RitaOrange · 01/04/2015 19:01

Your teenager was unloading the dishwasher and you had a go at her for not showering !
Seriously Shock

WilburIsSomePig · 02/04/2015 00:15

I kind of understand where your DD was coming from too butterfly with the exception of 'its your job' line!

butterfly2015 · 02/04/2015 00:34

I wasn't having a go at her. I just said she needed a shower, she bloody stank. If I'd said, you stink, go and shower I could understand her reaction. Honestly it wasn't me shouting at her or demanding anything, just a mention in passing. And I did thank her for half unloading the dishwasher later.

And she made me a cuppa later so we are fine again. That was after she had a shower. She doesn't say sorry really but says mum do you want coffee?

And I've just picked all her dirty clothes off the bathroom floor and put them in the laundry basket. They were on the floor in front of it. Obviously the lid is a bit heavy. Or something.

antumbra · 02/04/2015 06:52

Butterfly If someone told me I needed a shower while I was unloading the dishwasher I would be cross.

Why should a teenager be any different? Does she have hygeine issues? If so perhaps a more sentitive approach is called for. If not then I am sure she was aware she needed a shower.

Sometimes a little respect can go a long way.

butterfly2015 · 02/04/2015 13:10

I do appreciate my timing wasn't the best but having spent most of the night cleaning up sick off two walls and most of the stairs, my youngest and myself I was tired and not thinking straight.

We are very open in this house. My kids will happily say my feet stink or that someone needs a shower. We don't all tiptoe round each other. We have a lot of laughs and bodily functions and hygiene are openly discussed. We don't do it in a nasty way, none of us do. But if someone can't smell that they need a shower it will be mentioned. Rather one of us than going to school smelling.

I've admitted I was wrong and she knows she overreacted. It's sorted. We don't drag stuff on for days. She's gone out with her mates and I've given her the last of my cash because she's broke.

Now I'm taking the toxic child to buy cake stuff as tomorrow the three of us are going to make a couple of Easter cakes for a competition on Saturday. We probably won't win but we will have fun making them.

Bunbaker · 02/04/2015 13:17

The child who has been throwing up all night will be making a cake Shock

are you sure this is a good idea?

antumbra · 02/04/2015 14:32

butterfly at least you can see that you were the one who sparked off the "teen fucking drama".

butterfly2015 · 02/04/2015 15:45

The child who threw up, threw up on Tuesday night. She will be "helping" to make a cake on Friday but decorating it on Saturday morning. I'm not completely stupid and funnily enough we have soap for hand washing.

God there's some right nit pickers on this forum. I'm 46, my kids have survived to 16 and 9 respectively and are rarely ill. I'm only calling dd2 the toxic child because she spent all day yesterday farting. She's fine today but will not be doing anything with food.

Autumbra, I will happily admit when I'm wrong and apologise. I was wrong but seriously tired yesterday. All is well in this house today apart from we can't find any fluffy chicks to put on the cake. Dp has taken dd2 into the village to see if they can find any. I can't face going back into town, it was mayhem.

antumbra · 02/04/2015 16:16

butterly I am glad you are having a better day.

You say that bodily functions, telling each other that they stink and open discussions about hygiene are part of the way you communicate, that you don't "tiptoe around each other" ( implying that others do?) and that is causes lots of laughs.

I wonder then why your DD took offence. Could it be that she doesn't see things the same way as you do?
Otherwise from your explanation it should have been cause for a guffaw.

butterfly2015 · 02/04/2015 16:33

I think it was just that moment to be honest. She normally is fine with the "you need a shower" comment, which is normally said in a quiet way not a "jeez! You stink! Go and wash!" way.

My dp had a major accident 15 months ago which ripped the main artery in his stomach in 7 places causing massive internal bleeding. It was touch and go and then once he was stable we waited days for a fart which basically meant his bowel was working. Since then he's had on going issues with his stomach which causes a lot of wind. Dd 2 eats loads of fruit and also has wind issues. We have a policy of putting your hand up if you fart and admitting it. It's quite amusing, dd2 gets the giggles but even teen joins in with it. I think because of dps health problems we've had to embrace it and deal with it rather than pretend it's not happening.

After my spine surgery teen asked if I needed anything. I said I needed a wash. She just gave me a look and said "I don't think so mother, some things can't be unseen" which caused me considerable pain from laughing so hard while full of stitches.

I might moan about her but she moans about me. We are actually pretty close and she's a good kid really. Just so messy. And gobby :o