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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a new engagement ring?

59 replies

mooboos · 25/03/2015 14:27

My husband proposed to me (without a ring) 4 years ago today whilst on holiday and let me choose one myself when we got back. We didn't have that much disposable income at the time and I ended up picking a cheap one for £80 from H Samuel (no problem with the price - I loved the ring and was very happy with it).

Fast forward to January this year and the stone fell out Sad. I took it to two jewellers who both told me that as it was such a cheap ring it would not be worth repairing it and that the actual repair process may actually break it even more and that it was probably better to just replace it. Husband knows all of this and knows how sad I was when it broke.

So now I have no engagement ring Sad.

We are now in a financially much better position than we were when we got engaged and my husband has decided that he wants to buy £2,300 worth of graphics cards for his PC.

So, AIBU to wish that he would spend some of that money on buying me a new ring instead? I'm not even after an expensive one...just something to love and wear as much as I loved the old one.

OP posts:
momb · 25/03/2015 14:29

YANBU. Have you told him this or are you waiting for him to guess?

Lottapianos · 25/03/2015 14:31

So why not buy a ring for yourself? Why does it have to be from husband? He's entitled to his graphics cards if he can afford it, you're entitled to spend money on things you enjoy, like jewellery. You got engaged 4 years ago - that ship has sailed Smile

KoalaDownUnder · 25/03/2015 14:32

YANBU.

I thought this was going to be about wanting a larger-carat diamond or something. You just want a wearable ring! Fair play.

DoJo · 25/03/2015 14:32

Have you actually asked him to buy you one? Could he be expecting you to just pick one seeing as you picked the original one? Maybe he doesn't realise that you want the romance (?) of him buying one for you...

Number3cometome · 25/03/2015 14:34

Have you asked for a new ring?

AimlesslyPurposeful · 25/03/2015 14:38

Perhaps he's telling you the money is earmarked for graphics cards but is actually planning on surprising you with a ring - is that possible/in his nature?

InThisTogether · 25/03/2015 14:39

YABU. If I read correctly, he is now your husband, not your fiance. therefore you don't need an engagement ring imo. If you feel you do, then one to the value of the original ring is what you were happy to accept and you could ask him to buy you one to that value.

(sorry if that was a little blunt)

MrsFlannel · 25/03/2015 14:39

Agree with others....he'll need to be told.

Original poster
mooboos · 25/03/2015 14:45

I told him when it broke that I would really love it if he bought me a new one (should have mentioned that the original one was always meant to be a temporary ring but it lasted longer than we both thought it would) and he said ok. I think he might have just forgotten but I kind of don't want to ask again as, like Lotta said, he's entitled to spend his own money any way he wants and I don't want him to feel obliged...

Arggggh!

OP posts:
swiggityswoogity · 25/03/2015 14:49

there exists no graphics cards at that price. even the titan X only costs £899

Did he tell you that was what he was spending money on?

Original poster
mooboos · 25/03/2015 14:51

He wants four of these ones:

www.overclockers.co.uk/showproduct.php?prodid=GX-265-EA

Not sure why he needs four.

OP posts:
Original poster
mooboos · 25/03/2015 14:54

And I know it's definitely not going to be spent on a ring because he wants to put these on the credit card and pay them off monthly

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 25/03/2015 15:01

It seems bad financial planning to buy something like that on credit. These are games he is buying ( or game accessories??) not something for his business or that will benefit you as a couple?

I think the real issue is not the ring v the graphics cards but the spending of money that he doesn't have for something unnecessary when you may not be able to afford it.

I think you need to tell him how much a ring would matter to you, discuss your finances, and decide if you can have a ring now or later when the money is there, and how much your budget is, and whether it is sensible for him to put something over £2K on credit when it's only for him.
so YANBU but you are not exactly being open with him.

Original poster
mooboos · 25/03/2015 15:35

Thank you pinkfrocks - good advice. I have tried speaking to him but I will try again later.

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 25/03/2015 15:49

Is it anywhere near your anniversary or some other notable date when you could bring it up in a romantic way?

TBH I think it would have been nice if he'd offered to replace your ring when it broke but some men don't think like that.

letscookbreakfast · 25/03/2015 16:17

Your husband is insane if he buys four 980's and this is coming from a geek who throws money at his PC, no modern game or one within the next 3 - 4 years will need that much power to max out.

Then again, it's his money.

OOAOML · 25/03/2015 16:19

Are these joint credit cards or his personal ones? As a reformed profligate spender, that much money being put on credit for graphics cards sounds insane. How quickly does he plan to pay it off? Before they're obsolete?

OOAOML · 25/03/2015 16:20

Sorry, I should have been clear that I am a reformed profligate spender - not saying you or your husband are (although that much money going on cards makes me wonder about him)

ApocalypseThen · 25/03/2015 16:20

I'd say buy the ring yourself. Have a bit of fun with it - look around, decide what you really like and get what you really want.

Original poster
mooboos · 25/03/2015 16:26

Thanks letscook - I have done some research and it seems that 4 cards are not needed anyway (in fact it seems like some people think even 2 cards are extreme). Glad to have some back up from someone in the know!

OOAOML, the credit card is in my name but we tend to use it for joint things (i.e. things for the house) and we pay it off monthly. He will pay off £400 a month so it will take him 6 months at least.

He is terrible with money and always has been. I am at my wits end but that's a whole other thread.

I have been looking at jewellery myself. I won't buy myself an engagement ring because it just seems wrong to me but I think I will treat myself to something else lovely because why not!

I think I still just wish he'd think of me a little bit and want to buy one though. But hey ho, it's not going to happen!

OP posts:
WD41 · 25/03/2015 16:31

But a new ring now you're already married wouldn't be an engagement ring would it, it would just be a ring

pinkfrocks · 25/03/2015 16:32

Oh dear.

I'd say that under no circumstances should he buy things like that on YOUR credit card- they will legally be your debts, not his.

Even if he pays the cost off at £400 a month that means in the first month alone, he is paying interest on the remaining balance of £1900- not sure what your interest rate is- do you?

This is madness. Unless something is essential- maybe a washing machine or a car repair- he ought to avoid credit altogether, save the money first and buy his 'toys' outright when he has the cash.

I think you ought to stop him using your card- does he have his own card on your account or does he literally use your card?

You need to get all of this sorted out early on in your marriage before it gets worse.

pinkfrocks · 25/03/2015 16:34

WD41- oh that's just daft! It's a replacement ring.

What is wrong in replacing a ring that has sentimental value/ significance and is broken?

ApocalypseThen · 25/03/2015 16:37

I have been looking at jewellery myself. I won't buy myself an engagement ring because it just seems wrong to me

Well the way I saw it when I added some extra diamonds to my ring for my birthday was that it's not an engagement ring once you're married.

letscookbreakfast · 25/03/2015 16:37

Yup even two cards are not needed, just the one will be absolutely fine. Is the rest of his PC up to scratch? It's your credit card so I'd be saying no, he can save up for them if he wants them that badly.