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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about my neighbour

55 replies

deliverdaniel · 25/03/2015 03:12

We live in a house converted into two flats- we are on the top and have been there nearly 4 years. Until recently the flat below was rented out on a mixture of short term and longer term leases, so in the time we have been living there there have been five different sets of people below, one for two years and the other four on short term contracts for the rest of hte time. We have never had any problems with any of these other people and have always got on well with them.

We have two DSs age 4 and 18 months. They are probably averagely noisy for kids that age - ie they sometimes cry/ run around etc. I have banned noisy toys/ music makers etc to be considerate to downstairs neighbours and try as much as possilbe to stop any particularly noisy games.

A woman has moved in downstairs- she is in her sixties. She has set up in business as an alternative healer and seems to require complete silence for this. UNDer the terms of the lease and also city by-laws she is not allowed to be running a business there, although honestly I don't care what she does in her own apartment. But she is constantly comign up and shouting at us to be quiet when the kids are playing. She yelled at my mum for talking on the stairs (normal volume.) She came up and shouted at our nanny for tenderising a chicken in the middle of the day which must have been 30 seconds max of hammering because she had a client with her.

I pick up the kids from childcare and we are home around 3.30-4pm ish and she has come up to tell me that the noise of them playing is too much for her and can they just watch television in the afternoons instead. She has also asked me to change their bedtime so they wake up later so she can have a lie in, and also to keep them in their bedrooms when they do wake up (6- 6.30am) until she wakes up. This is very hard for various reasons, they don't want to stay in their bedrooms, they are hungry and don't want to wait an hour for breakfast etc etc. AIBU to a) be annoyed about this and b) challenge her on the fact that she shouldnt' be running this business anyway from home and can't really expect me to curtail my kids normal activities so she can see do this? or am I being entitled and not understanding enough of her point of view? Would genuinely appreciate thoughts. Thank you!

OP posts:
Lloydgeorge · 25/03/2015 03:20

YANBU She's running a business illegally from those premises and she's asked you to change your children's bed time, what a cheeky mare! Normally I'm one for compromise but I'd be reporting her to the landlord and the Local Authority if she so much as sniffs in your direction I do have a fever and maybe slightly grouchy, but still

Moreisnnogedag · 25/03/2015 03:21

Oh she's having a laugh. If be polite but make it clear that you're having none of it. I would also drop into the conversation in a PA way about how you didn't realise that the rules has changed to allow her to run a business from home.

Then I'd put fireman Sam on repeat. Loud.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 25/03/2015 03:26

I'd make even more noise.

Any jobs you need doing? Something that needs drilling, clattering of tools and workmen in big boots?

And stop answering the door to her. Get a spyhole.

Iwasbornin1993 · 25/03/2015 03:31

YANBU

textfan · 25/03/2015 03:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deliverdaniel · 25/03/2015 03:37

oh thanks!! got 4 IANBUs in a row! how lovely. Unfortunately it's hard not to answer the door as she comes up and keeps hammering, or shouting up at our balcony from the ground...

OP posts:
KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 25/03/2015 03:43

If she's hammering and shouting open the door, put your fingers to your lips and say, "Shhhh! We're having some quiet time." Even if you're clearly not.

That'll piss her off.

And suggest she carpets her ceiling. But check that 'carpet your ceiling' isn't a euphemism for something first. Sounds like it might be...

Lloydgeorge · 25/03/2015 04:11

OP please do what King Joffrey says. If she does come hammering on your door again tell her she's frightening your children and that's not acceptable.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/03/2015 04:17

If she's hammering and shouting open the door, put your fingers to your lips and say, "Shhhh! We're having some quiet time." Even if you're clearly not. Oh YYYEESSS.

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv · 25/03/2015 04:21

Just watch tv and change your day round for her? No way. If she keeps shouting at you report her for harassment.
You sound very considerate. No noisy toys thoughtful but children can play in their own home. Treading on eggshells and worrying about wgat you're doing in your own home isn't health.

Gunpowder · 25/03/2015 04:25

I love the passive agressive 'quiet time' idea!

YANBU OP. She sounds v. Strange.

deliverdaniel · 25/03/2015 04:28

haha! LOVE the "quiet time" idea. I'm trying that tomorrow. Thanks everyone for cheering me up! luckily the landlord is also becoming increasingly frustrated with her as she is apparently complaining to him about every tiny thing all the time as well, which for some reason makes me feel slightly better.

OP posts:
Debinaround · 25/03/2015 06:02

Is this woman for real?

Tell her she needs to get herself a detached house in the middle of nowhere if she wants to run a business that requires total silence throughout the whole day. Not rent a flat under a family.

KatieKaye · 25/03/2015 06:08

Loving the irony that she demands quiet and yet shouts all the time!
Go with the quiet time suggestion, that is genius. And if she is complaining to the landlord then I'd also complain about the business she's running.

CornChips · 25/03/2015 06:09

I am usually a tolerant person but this would drive me wild. I would be reminding her that she is not supposed to be running a business and that would be my starting point. Forget the other stuff. I would be starting any future conversation with her with that.

and I would talk to her landlord and tell him what she is doing. I would not be making any compromises here AT ALL.

cathpip · 25/03/2015 06:12

Sounds like reasonable household noise too me, op Yanbu, if neighbour requires peace and quiet tell her to rent a house in the middle of nowhere. I would also be asking the nanny if she wouldn't mind hoovering in the middle of the day just to annoy her, and then inform the landlord of her harassment and business operations. You have clearly lived there 4 years without problems till she moved in.

londonrach · 25/03/2015 06:19

Yanbu. Inform her next time this is normal family noises in our family house and theres nithing i can do. This is why irs a home not a business. Also suggest reporting to relevant person if she complains again.

PedantMarina · 25/03/2015 06:22

C'mon, spill! You're clearly on speaking terms with her LL: for what has she told him she needs all that quiet? Not her illegally run business, surely?

The mind boggles...

PedantMarina · 25/03/2015 06:26

PS YANBU Grin

Crankycarp · 25/03/2015 06:30

YANBU : if she needs it to be quieter she should blooming well fork out for some soundproofing in her apartment. I lived below a very noisy flat in a Victorian conversion (neighbours much louder then you think constant parties till the wee small hours) and the best solution was to put in a drop ceiling with sound proofing - 100 times better but I was a leasholder at the time not a tennant.

Flowergirlmum · 25/03/2015 06:30

I think now would be the perfect age for your 4 year old to take up the drums...

MinceSpy · 25/03/2015 06:39

Do you own or rent your flat? It makes a difference to how you deal with this woman. You do need to simply tell her these a normal family noises and you won't change your family's day for her.

Pico2 · 25/03/2015 06:39

YANBU and definitely don't rearrange your life to accommodate her. Just tell her LL so that they can remove her if they want to.

twofingerstoGideon · 25/03/2015 06:55

Please don't listen to the silly 'advice' to make even more noise. Why escalate this into a pointless, nasty war with your neighbour?

However, provided you already have carpets down etc and don't have bare boards or hard floors (which are a nightmare for people living underneath), I don't think you should be going along with any of your neighbour's bonkers suggestions either. Sounds like the landlord's fed up with her, too.

youarekiddingme · 25/03/2015 07:05

Yanbu. Aside from the illegal business she chose to move into a flat with a family with 2 small children already in residence. Who does that if you don't want noise?

I love in a similar flat set up - you have to just put up with other people. You can't control them!

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