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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DH could at least make me a cup of tea

64 replies

flowersbythefire · 24/03/2015 13:45

I am a SAHM with 2 dc age 8 and 10. Prior to this I worked from home but this became too difficult to continue and DH agreed with me stopping and I am now looking for another job. Because I have been at home since DC have been babies I have just done everything that needs doing at home. DH goes to work 9 - 5 and that is it. Once home he relaxes, does his hobby etc. This has really started to irritate me as I feel taken for granted. I don't expect him to do much - even a cup of tea would be nice. However, now I am not earning I don't know if I should just get on with it. So AIBU?

OP posts:

Pyjamasandwine · 24/03/2015 13:47

Of course he should. He's bloody lucky to work just 9/5 these days.

He probably needs you to tell him though.

VenusRising · 24/03/2015 13:49

Oh dear.

Where's Xenia when you need her though...

Number3cometome · 24/03/2015 14:00

I'm sorry, I have two children aged 12 + 7, and one on the way.

I work full time (leave the house at 7am return at 6pm) and still manage to get everything done that needs to be done.

What exactly is it you are expecting to be done?

At 8 + 10 your two DC's should be pretty much self sufficient and also able to help with jobs (i.e. sorting the washing, washing up, making sandwiches, hoovering etc)

Yes OH should be chipping in - are you saying he does nothing at all?

If you were working full time I could understand the point, but if you are a SAHM, then isn't that your work?

Artandco · 24/03/2015 14:08

Yes he should make tea and contribute to general household life. But so should they children.

At 8 and 10, surely you do have a fair amount of time free though as you don't work? Why did working from home not work? What stuff are you trying to get done?

goodnessgraciousgouda · 24/03/2015 14:08

Well both people should be looking to get similar down time.

So if you are looking after the kids all day then having to do all the chores in the evening then that wouldn't be fair. However, your children are school age so presumably you aren't looking after them during school hours.

What are you doing whilst alone at home when they are at school?

Number3cometome · 24/03/2015 14:09

^ What Goodness said

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 24/03/2015 14:14

As others have said, presumably you have 9-3 or thereabouts to choose how you spend your day. Some of this will be used up on household things but surely not 5 days a week? So you then have time to indulge your hobbies?

I think it's nice to make each other cups of tea just because that's what human beings do, but in your situation, I'm not clear why you feel hard done by?

kissedbyamoonbeammyarse · 24/03/2015 14:15

Its not about what op does 9-5. It's about the simple task of tea making. My dh has a friend who never makes his wife a cuppa. Makes one for himself tho. It is just a nice thing to do for someone. Would he make one if you asked? Could be as simple as that. He has gotten to used to you doing everything.

kissedbyamoonbeammyarse · 24/03/2015 14:17

Holy fuck. Her DH doesn't even make her a cup of tea. When does her working day end????
A SAHM doesn't deserve a wee cuppa?

Number3cometome · 24/03/2015 14:18

But the OP doesn't do everything, DH works, OP doesn't.

If you mean 'everything except go to work' then yes.

But the OP's children are not babies, there is plenty of time in the day.

Does DH even drink tea?

Number3cometome · 24/03/2015 14:19

Holy fuck. Her DH doesn't even make her a cup of tea. When does her working day end????
A SAHM doesn't deserve a wee cuppa?

His working day starts presumably when he leaves the house, and ends when he returns.

Hers starts for the school run, then stops 9-3, the starts again.

Sounds pretty fair to me.

Unless the OP is saying DH comes home and spends no time with the kids either?

kissedbyamoonbeammyarse · 24/03/2015 14:22

Op doesn't work. Course not. Her dh works til 5pm. It is then his godgiven right to relax to the point he won't make a cup of tea.
silly me.
Thank god for the hide thread option. Now, how can I time travel back to the 21st century?

Number3cometome · 24/03/2015 14:26

She was giving tea as an example, she didn't say she had asked for one!

So you think DH should go to work all day, whilst OP stays at home and does.... what? whilst her kids are at school?

It's all about sharing the load, he is doing his bit going to work, she is doing her bit being the SAHP

I don't see the issue?

Original poster

flowersbythefire · 24/03/2015 14:28

I now feel quite sorry for DH! I have no issues about doing everything and I agree that is my job and that I am lucky at the moment. I just would really appreciate the odd show of appreciation that I've cooked a nice tea, etc, etc.

OP posts:

Number3cometome · 24/03/2015 14:29

Flowers I agree that he should be appreciative, he should show you love and if you have cooked him a meal etc he should be saying thank you, as I am sure you would if he cooked you a meal.

My point was that you both have jobs - his being out of the home, yours being in it. That sounds equally fair for two children of school age.

Don't get me wrong, I am the first to tell my OH he needs to make me a cuppa even if it tastes shit

Pyjamasandwine · 24/03/2015 14:30

Well I have been a sahm and now work full time but make cuppas for my dh and give back rubs etc.

It's not a competition it's called love/support.

The op is just saying he could at least make a cuppa! And he could.

She's not asking him to do all the chores is she?

formerbabe · 24/03/2015 14:33

Yabu...i thought I had misread your children's ages! They are school age so you have six hours a day to yourself...you have plenty of time to relax or do a hobby... Why do you resent him having a hobby after work?

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 24/03/2015 14:34

I'm a SAHM, and we have a cleaner so I am hardly rushed off my feet.

My DH still makes me a cuppa though, and chips in with the general household stuff.

Original poster

flowersbythefire · 24/03/2015 14:35

That's all I want. I don't want him to do washing, cleaning or house stuff. I am more than happy for him to spend hours on his hobby a few times a week. But sitting on the settee with the lap top for hours after he gets home from work makes me feel resentful although I completely get your points Number 3.

OP posts:

Number3cometome · 24/03/2015 14:36

Oh god it's not fucking Football Manager is it?

I have one of those

Zippidydoodah · 24/03/2015 14:37

I think if he is making a tea, he should make you one, too. But I tend to agree with those who are saying you have six hours a day all to yourself what do you do in that time? Curious (and a bit jealous!)

Zippidydoodah · 24/03/2015 14:39

I hope you find a job soon, as maybe the balance would be restored then. He sounds like he is taking you for granted.

Zippidydoodah · 24/03/2015 14:40

Does he have much to do with the dc when he gets in? Homework/chatting/etc?

formerbabe · 24/03/2015 14:42

I hope you find a job soon, as maybe the balance would be restored then. He sounds like he is taking you for granted.

I don't understand why husband's should be so grateful to sahms...(I'm a sahm by the way). Surely you are a team...he earns the money, you look after the home. Do sahms have to show gratitude to the man for bringing home the money?

Original poster

flowersbythefire · 24/03/2015 14:47

I really hope I get a job soon too! I didn't really realise the general feeling that sahm's are lazy.

OP posts:

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