to ask for cash for wedding present?

[TheFuckistUppist]

Inspired by the recent thread about revolting poems requesting cash in wedding invites.

I'm getting married later in the year. I live abroad and will get married in the country I live in, but will fly home to see everyone in my family soon afterwards.

Now my husband and I are moving into our first home together and we really do need things like bed linen and cutlery and things, but because I won't be able to transport gifts home, I would prefer if those who want to give gifts would give us a cheque. Most people in my family will probably see this as logical, however, there are some older people who I know hate the idea of giving cash and some who might unthinkingly give us bulky gifts which we can't take back with us.

What should I do - say nothing until people actually ask? Ask politely for cash, but only as a suggestion, no gift necessary? There are a couple of stores like House Of Fraser who actually deliver to where I live, could I suggest this is an idea for would-be gift-givers?

This is a subject on which mumsnet is completely at odds from the rest of the world. There's nothing wrong with asking for money IMO and in your situation where getting stuff over would be so inconvenient, very sensible!

I agree with all the posters who have said that in the real world - and particularly where there are sound, logistical reasons for it - having a wedding list or expressing a preference for cash is absolutely fine. In fact, it's only on MN that I hear the phrase "grabby"

Some people feel uncomfortable giving cash but not gift certificates. Can you ask people for vouchers for the store you want to buy the things for your home from? May be a good compromise.

We asked for cash, nobody had a problem with it.

House of Fraser vouchers

Just give cash. House of Fraser vouchers could be lovely but they might want to nip to Argos or Matalan instead.

We asked for nothing, 90% of guests gave cash or currency for our honeymoon. Which was all inclusive, booked and paid for before the wedding. I also hand wrote EVERY guest, gift giver or not a thank you card.

Our overseas guests were bemused!

why is vouchers in any way different from cash? It's just money, with restrictions that you have to spend it in a certain place.

Good for you with the hand written cards. Most excellent.

In my version of the real world, few people even think of buying presents unless they're actually invited to the wedding. If I were the OP, I'd wait to be asked. Probably be waiting a long time, too.
Personally I don't mind being asked for cash in lieu of a toaster, but I can live without the icky presents/presence ditties.

I'd say nothing until you are asked. Then explain what you've said here. And also have parents/in laws primed with what to say if asked.

I hate cash requests. If you're skint it's really hard to just give a small amount. The split of opinion here probably means that at least some of your guests would find it rude.

"I'd say nothing until you are asked."

I thought that that was a given.

But I agree-just explain when asked!

It is how things are done....it is considered poor manners to ask for things.

times have changed and needs have changed. The thing is most people have a lot of stuff now and many people don't just want random stuff that's only going to collect dust in their attic.

I think you could say gifts aren't expected, but if you must cash would be best.

People are only anti cash requests on mumsnet. Loads of my friends have been married recently and nobody has batted an eyelid at the requests for cash. If you're really worried what anyone thinks, ask for vouchers maybe?

I realy don't understand the number of people on MN who care so much about this! You're going to spend the cash either way, and they're going to know how much you spent even if you buy a present (they're told who's bought what!) so I don't understand the objection...

Marmite yes everyone at our wedding had a thank you card whether they gave a gift or not. Absolutely!

There is nothing wrong with asking for money.
When we got married we said that as we already owned our own home we had everything we needed. We specified that we didn't expect any gifts, just their presence at the wedding would be wonderful (it was a bit of a hike in the country so we appreciated the costs involved in attending). However as we were renovating our kitchen we would appreciate IKEA vouchers or money. We also said that we would be delighted to receive gifts if someone was wanting to buy one - in fact we were given some beautiful gifts that we still treasure 8 years later.

MN is WEIRD when it comes to wedding gifts and lists and money. Nobody cares in real life, and honestly the whole gifts thing was for when people didn't have a home together before they were married. It's not applicable in most situations these days as not many people don't live together before a wedding any more.

lottie you would think so but in my BIL and SIL's case they got loads of tat gifts that they couldn't justify shipping home.

OP I think that answer for you is probably that you put in your invite that you request no gifts as you will not be able to transport them home with you. I don't think you will even need to mention cash. If someone still wants to get you a gift and you have told them why you don't want anything bulky, their only option is cash anyway.

I don't have a problem with giving money.
I often give money as a present.
I just don't want to be asked for it.
It is TRULY vulgar and grabby.

I came across this lovely alternative gift list www.recipegiftbook.com where you can invite your friends and family to collaborate and create one unique wedding gift, a recipe book to treasure forever.

Guests add recipes, photos and personal messages online and the bride and groom get a beautiful free hardback recipe book following their wedding, it only costs the guests £4.99 to add a page and its a great way to bring family traditions together and create an heirloom, something special to celebrate your wedding..........and the bonus is that when the bride and groom register they can select the option to allow their guests to also buy vouchers, so if you are setting up home you can get the cash indirectly to buy the households goods you need

There is a nice 2 minute promo video here: goo.gl/rNttd1

I love this idea and wished it was around when I got married! x

A gift list (even though I myself do not like the idea) is actually FINE for people who don't know what to buy or if the couple would like eg Le Cruset stuff.

Cash is fine too. I gave my DB and SIL cash.

Actual gifts are very tricky to buy/give unless you know what the couple wants/their taste.

Amazon is global. We did our gift list on there. Did it for the US where we live so easy to return if we didn't like things.

Its fine but be prepared for some people's oddly 'traditional' views to be told to all and sundry.

Personally I think that English wedding gifting traditions are overly complex and staid. While there is never an excuse to be grabby and greedy, I think it is great that people feel a bit more able to give guests simpler options if they want to buy them a wedding gift.

I find it really vulgar to ask for money or even ask for specific gifts. Yes, you might end up with a lot of rubbish but to give someone a list of things you like but can't afford is incredibly grabby. Even worse when people ask their guests to fund their honeymoon! Awful in my opinion.

I would keep quiet unless asked specifically what you want.

YANBU OP

I don't think anything at all of being asked for money rather than a gift - I have only seen people offended by it on MN!

We asked for nothing - out guests repeatedly asked our parents to ask us what we wanted - people want to give gifts - in the end we said IF people wanted we would like Argos vouchers - no one minded one tiny little bit

Your wedding will be attended by people who like you - not 50% of AIBU don't worry x