AIBU to ask you all to come and talk me out of my yearning for a dog

[StrumpersPlunkett]

I am becoming obsessive about it even though DH has made it clear if I have a dog I need a new husband.

he got his way about baby 3 (ie we didn't have a third) and I soooo have always thought that as an adult I would have a dog. I am now in my 40's in a stable home and relationship and I neeeeeed one!

Tell me all the reasons for and against.

Getting a dog was the worst mistake I've ever made.

He has removed any chance of going out for the day.
Picking up the poo is utterly disgusting - my children's nappies were nothing like this.
Walking in all weathers
The kids aren't interested
There is dirt everywhere
Walks are miserable because he will not reliably come back when called, he will just run and run and run as far away as possible.
He tunnels out of the garden so can't be left off lead there either.

I do love him and is is adorable but i really wish I had never got him.

Honestly, unless you can foster a dog that wins DH over, and ends up staying long term, don't do it. You both need to be on board because a.) unless you're both committed to training it, you'll end up with a badly behaved dog, and b.) even if it's 'your' dog there will be days when you have the flu, or want a weekend away, so DH will have to look after it.

Pros:

• cuddles on the sofa all evening every evening
• walks are a total pleasure, even in bad weather you'll feel better for it.
• Keeps you fit
• you meet loads of people in the neighbourhood through the dog - great if you work at home and don't have work colleagues as a social network
• the kids love them and learn to be good with animals
• you will love it to bits

Cons:

• puppies wreck yor house. Half our carpets are chewed and there's no point replacing them for a couple of years when we can be fairly sure new ones won't get the same treatment
• our beautiful sofa now has a manky throw over it at all times so our living room looks like a student squat
• you and the kids will lose some precious item to the dog, at some point. It will happen.
• the garden is full of holes
• no spontaneity. They restrict your social life in ways kids don't.
• poo. It's not the end of the world, but it's not exactly a treat and it is every day for a decade or more.

How secure is your work from home job? I used to have a great, well paid, two days a week job. We decided to get a dog because I was home so much. But then life changed as life does. I got made redundant and I've had to find another job working lots more hours to make the same amount of money. We now have to get up at the crack of dawn to walk the dog before work. I come home in my lunch hour to walk him, and again when I get home and I'm tired and would like to sit down. I've not been able to apply for jobs that wouldn't fit in around him. In a way he's just one more thing that makes life tougher.
I love him very much and the house feels more of a home with him snuggled in with us, but if anything happened to him, I wouldn't get another or I would have a smaller one that needed less walks, and one less hairy and smelly....oh dear but i do love him and he is my very favourite...

Thanks guys- you have made my mind up.
As much as I love dogs I won't be getting one.

I love my dog but when she eventually passes away (which won't be for years as she's only 5) I won't be getting another.

I'd only had cats previously. Cats pretty much look after themselves.

Dogs are a massive, massive tie. They need exercising and you have to get someone to look after them if you go out for more than a few hours.

Our dog is one that sheds hair. Everywhere. All the time.

She is a lovely, friendly, gentle dog and is a good pet, but I won't be getting another.

We have a greyhound. She only requires 2 short walks or a couple of sprints around a field. She hardly sheds any hair. She sleeps the majority of the day and rarely barks. But, she does need a lot of attention and will only stay happily with a couple of people - it's always a bit of a hassle finding somewhere for her to stay for our holiday each year.
You really can't get a dog unless you both want one.

It's a big commitment. To be honest I never realised how much time and attention dogs need although mine does seem to be high maintainence ! Two or three walk a day, lots of naughtiness ( forever getting in the bin, getting upstairs through the stairgate, rolling in duck poo, fox poo, dead fish etc etc ). We have to plan holidays around her as I feel so guilty if we go away without her, i have to plan my work shifts around her so she isn't on her own for too long. We've been reasonably lucky so far in that she hasn't had to go to the vets much, but as she is a non shedding dog she needs to go to the groomers frequently which cost £25 a time.Wouldn't be without her though, she really is like another child and there's nothing nicer than snuggling up with her .

Just to add some balance, getting a dog/puppy was nowhere near as bad as I was expecting.
Poo - if you feed them properly (ie not pedigree chum/bakers crap), the poo isn't that bad. We've gone down the raw diet route, which isn't to everyone's liking, but her poo is hard white pellets which are no issue to pick up with a plastic bag
Smell- she gets a bath once a week, and all her bedding gets washed. She has had the baths since she was 3 months old so doesn't mind them. All dog blankets are designed to be washable. It is really not that hard to do...
Walking - yes sometimes it is raining when I go out. But I wear a coat. No one says not to have kids because at some point they'll have to get taken too and from school and it might be raining. When it is really grim or I'm short on time and don't want to be out too long, I take a tennis ball lobber (£1, from the pound shop) and throw balls for her. She is knackered after 20 mins and we can go home...

For us, the downsides are the costs and the amount of planning to do stuff. We are lucky that more friends than not have dogs, which makes it easier when going to people's houses and also means we have lots of reciprical agreements to look after their dogs in exchange for them looking after ours, but we have a dog walker during the day at a cost of £10 a walk or £20 for daycare.

I love my dog and the lifestyle that comes with it. I would not leave my dog alone at home though so means no malls, movies etc. unless I pay expensive dog daycare/boarding.

You can sign up for borrowmydoggy.com, its reasonable enough for borrower and get a taster or mydogbuddy.co.uk and get paid for it while enjoying the company of a dog.

Walking them several times a day, even in horrible weather

Not necessarily. If it's raining our lurcher will absolutely refuse to go outside. There's no chance she's going for a walk, will dig in if you try and take her out - being snuggled up on our bed is much more appealing!

Reasons for - they bring joy to my life.

Reasons against - all outweighed by the above.

Right. Apart from the fact that your dh doesn't want a dog (which is a valid view), start preparing for the dog.

Go for a walk every day. Morning and evening. Doesn't matter that you've got a temperature and a streaming nose, still go for that walk. If you're going out for the day, imagine that you have the dog with you. Work out how limiting the dog would be.... does it stop you doing the activities you chose to do? If you haven't taken your imaginary dog, will you have to cut short a nice day out to get back to imaginary dog? Start saving additional money for the extra vets bills. In short, try to live your life as though you have a dog. If you're still as committed, then talk to your dh. But if he won't budge, then you've entered the dh or dog conundrum. And if you chose dog, remember, you'll have to do everything as above, but as a single mother.

Sorry OP, I missed you saying you won't be getting a dog.

I love my dog but it's touch and go whether I should have got him. I walked him earlier and he ate an enormous lump of s*, literally wolfed it down with gusto. He also trod in his own poo and jumped up me. I was wondering why he didn't eat much and I've worked out it's because he eats his own poo all the time. He destroyed my garden. I can't let him off the lead. Walks with him and ds aren't the lovely outdoors activity I'd dreamt of because they both cause me so much bloody stress. I've always got my fingers down his throat trying to remove something potentially gut blocking. £250 bill at the vet recently for a gastro infection caused by elastic band. Oh and I'm still wearing the shitty jeans I constantly feel guilty for not taking him for enough walks.
He's lovely to cuddle tho.

I'm sorry but I disagree. OP would like a dog, her husband doesn't. My husband didn't want a dog as well, somewhere he didn't wanted to be involved in taking care of one - he can be lazy as hell. I'm more of an outdoor person and take care of my dog. Although I didn't just go and buy one, we looked at many dogs/breeds together but I took him with me so he is aware.

But now my husband also loves my dog around in the house. Mostly because I'm the sole caretaker of our dog and have trained him to be a good pet dog. if our dog misbehaves I'm there to correct him. I don't ask my husband to help out unless I'm unwell. All these talks about walks, if you love going out to parks etc, you will love it even more with a dog.

All these talks about walks, if you love going out to parks etc, you will love it even more with a dog

I don't. I got one to accompany me on long walks and the result is I now hate them.

Our old dog, Robert, died just after DS2 was born. DH was all "never having another dog, my heart is broken" and I let him be for 6 months, found a rescue Spaniel, took him to visit her, they fell in love and she moved in a month later.

She doesn't shed too much and we get her groomed regularly so the house isn't covered in hair. She wasn't a puppy when she came so nothing got chewed apart from her toys. She shits in the same part of the garden every day so we only have to pooper scoop one area. She eats a not-too-vile-smelling dry diet which means my house doesn't smell like Pedigree Bum. She dislikes dogs sniffing her arse and doesn't ever sniff theirs. She knows all kinds of tricks (like lying down, giving her paw, not actual magic tricks). And above all, she's the most loyal creature I've ever known. She's marvellous.

DH is entitled to an opinion, sure, but so are you. Dogs are awesome.

OwlCapone - sorry wasn't meant for you. I was referring to other posters who think you must dog your walk whatever the weather and would hate it somehow. We adjust when we go out for walks depending on weather. I wouldn't have gone out for walks alone if it was drizzling but with my dog, I'm more than willing to put on a coat and go out.

Our week has been dominated by this theme. On Tuesday our cat went AWOL. Many tears shed. On Saturday still out looking for the cat we found a little black dog in a ditch that somebody had abandoned. We have phoned every organization and vet near by and put up loads of posters to find it's family but to no avail.

The cat struggled back home stinking of horse wee on Saturday night and was completely freaked out by the presence of the dog. DH came home on Saturday and not enthusiastic about the dog at all either. It is quite sweet but very needy. It wants to be looked after all the time and is never calm. We didn't plan to have a dog and we are away quite a bit with nobody around who would look after it. I am going to take it to a refuge this afternoon and I feel terrible. The refuge opens this afternoon and I'm going with my neighbour because I'm worried it will jump all about the car..If things were different I would keep it but I just hope a nice family will be able to give it a home.

OP, can you borrow a relatively well behaved dog for a few days so that your dh can see what the reality of having a dog would be? That's what we did and it made us all agree that we wanted one (although don't think my dh was as anti as yours).

Don't get one without his agreement, a friend did this and it was a bad idea, though 2 years on I think her husband has come round but year 1 wasn't good.

I have a 10 wk old puppy and think I would struggle a bit if dh wasn't willing to take some of the responsibility. It is really nice to have someone else take them out late at night when it's raining. My kids do help but there is definitely a limit to what they can do when puppy is in a bonkers biting everything that moves mood. And it does limit what you can do as a family, if your dh isn't on board he will resent that.

Dogs are awesome

I couldn't agree more. Just couldn't be without a sight hound of some kind in my life and desperately want a 2nd. Not sure what all the owners of farty dogs are feeding them, I've heard ours fart once in two years and even then there was no smell. Other dogs we've had over the years of different breeds have farted only occasionally, it's been worse living with me from a farting point of view than any of our dogs.

Borrow my dog for a week
You will probably change your mind about ever wanting a dog again

wow!
thank you. So many fabulous replies, DH really does see a dog as a massive tie and commitment and the 2ds are now 8&11 and we have so much freedom and he feels it would be a huge retrograde step.
Flexibility and being spontaneous is a new found joy.

I am not the sort of person who could accidentally get pregnant (conversation with my mother 3 years ago) any more than I could get a puppy without knowing first that he is on board.

Perhaps I will wait till DS2 is a little older and see if I am still as eager then.

Thanks for all your honest opinions.

My dog has been sat on the floor licking his balls all morning then he bounced over while I wasnt looking and licked my face...

He sheds everywhere.

He frequently walks into the glass door.

He is scared of his own reflection so has to bark at it.

He spends 90% of his time under my feet, we can be out in a field and he will still run infront of my feet every minute or so.

He likes to put his muddy paws on my shoulders.

He thinks hes a small dog, hes really not, he gets stuck under chairs and coffee tables a lot then walks round like a destructive tortoise.

He likes to roll in fox poo, mud and any swelly dirty water he can find but is apparently scared of clean water.

Any help OP?