AIBU to ask you all to come and talk me out of my yearning for a dog

[StrumpersPlunkett]

I am becoming obsessive about it even though DH has made it clear if I have a dog I need a new husband.

he got his way about baby 3 (ie we didn't have a third) and I soooo have always thought that as an adult I would have a dog. I am now in my 40's in a stable home and relationship and I neeeeeed one!

Tell me all the reasons for and against.

They make your house smell of dog. Every dog owner thinks their house doesn't smell, but they are wrong. It's like smokers, if you do it yourself, you get de-sensitized.

You won't be able to both work easily. Not fair on the animal.

They are outside creatures. Very few people have enough outside space to really suit a dog.

So unless you have half an acre, never intend to work again and don't care about having a stinky house, don't do it.

(Keep telling myself all the above. Still have a yen for a beagle (and I know they are particularly nutty dogs!) from time to time. I won't ever do it though.

Having a dog changes your lifestyle. I think you need to identify why your DH doesn't want a dog and then see if this is something you can work around.

Cockapoos are not guaranteed not to shed, that is just rubbish peddled by the less than responsible breeders who sell them. If you want a pedigree I suggest you get that or you rehome a rescue; paying for a mongrel is a weid choice.

You also need to look into breeds/types, have a good idea of their different requirements and how they fit in with your life, and find out about health screening for your chosen breed.

Dogs don't just poo, they can do exploitive diarrhoea and vomit all over the place, they can roll in fox shit, eat (and then vomit) cow poo, and generally be very disgusting. If that kind of thing puts you off think very carefully about getting a dog.

You don't say anything about your circumstances, but dogs need company, they need training and they need long and varied walks.

Finally, how old are your DCs and what do they think about getting a dog?

'Just get one!! He won't have the heart to make you send a little puppy back.'

Don't do this. Seriously, don't. That's just disrespectful, and you'd be pretty pissed off if your DH went ahead and did something you were against on the basis you should just live with it.

Having a dog (or a baby) has to be a joint decision as both partners have to live with it. Dogs smell, shed hair, drool, fart, and make your house a bit ugh. I have two, and I love them, but when they pass on I am never getting another. They are a PITA and as much trouble as a child. Don't get me started on cost. Neutering, vaccs, flea treatments (monthly), worm treatments (3 monthly), insurance, dental, annual vet check ups, food etc. Sit down and add it up, it's more than you'd think. Post in the dog house where you'll get some down to earth advice.

Oh, and if you DH doesn't want a dog, absolutely don't get a puppy. People completely underestimate the amount of work they are. I have a 2 year old and a 6 week old. The combination of the two is less work than either of the dogs when they were puppies. Training is a big commitment (and it's unfair on the dog if you don't bother). House training is grim. Puppy poo is a million times worse than anything you'll ever find in a nappy. No nappy has ever made me heave. Puppy poo does every time.

We recently acquired a dog (after Mumsnet had decreed it necessary!). I was a little reluctant for all the reasons stated above - hair, mud, dirty old bones, time and commitment. The vacuum is never off, the carpet in the TV room is being changed to slate for ease of cleaning, we have to ensure we time everything to perfection so that the dog isn't left alone for too long, work clothes have to be de-furballed between the wardrobe and car - the list of negatives is endless.

I love the dog far more than I thought I could and I'm grateful every day that we went ahead and acquired said dog.

I felt the same. Then, I looked after dm's 9 month old border collie for 3 weeks while they were on holiday. I couldn't wait until they came back to collect him.

He needed 3 walks a day.

The garden has only just recovered from the poo that was deposited everywhere
He whined to play ball every second of the day.
He chewed half the house. My stair carpet is wrecked.

I would never get a dog and I would recommend to anyone - borrow one first.

He is right. It's a commitment for two. And the third child is irrelevant. A child is also a commitment for two, even if it is a much more serious one.

It's his home as much as yours and if he prefers it dog-free, that's that. It would be the same if it was the other way round, by the way, the half that does not want a dog trumps the half that does.

And please don't try to force his hand by getting one.

I am in a similar position OP.

OH and DD are desperate for a dog. I have owned 4 dogs in the past. I did own 3 golden retrievers ar one time so I am well aware of the implications of dog ownership.

I live in a large house with a garden, surrounded by woodland and a river. I work from home and the house is rarely empty. I live 10 minutes from the beach.In many ways ideal.
But I am stoll hesitant. Dogs wreck gardens. Puppies chew everything, THere will be sand and mud everwhere. Shit on the carpet. Slobber on the sofa. THe house will stink.

Well I am a huge dog fan and think my dog is gorgeous. I love walking her, enjoy the people I've met through dog walks too. Feel safe in the house at night even when Dp is away.

However, if you want the downsides, they can be terrible chewers when puppies, you need to think carefully before you go away. Toilet training canbe testing. Your kids may or may not help you out with walks etc.

On balance I still feel delighted with my doodle and my brother has a cockatoo that is absolutely beautiful! Sorry!

A cockatoo is a bird I thought.

I love my dogs more than my OH.

Really?

Picking its shit up is a deal breaker on its own for me but:

Vets fees
Leg humping
Rimming other dog's arse's
Eating its own vomit (and anyone else's)
Feeding it nausea inducing tinned food
Hair everywhere
Walking it in all weathers

Are all up there too...

How big is your garden?

We have two dogs, a spaniel and a border collie, who both have kennels outside that they go into at night, and are outdoors all day with access to the kennel if needed.

People do tend to disagree with it but honestly our dogs have never known any different, they get loads of exercise every day due to being out (granted we live on a small holding but a large garden would work too) and go to agility and shooting (not the collie!!) regularly.

They are very happy dogs and like their kennels. I have received comments about them being cold in winter, but they have deep nest boxes and heat lamps. I bet it is warmer in there than in our kitchen by night which is where they would be if inside.

I also then don't have all the issues with having the dog in the house. However you would probably need two dogs as I would not be comfortable keeping one on its own in this way.

Picking up your own dogs poo is not like picking up other dogs poo. It's like changing your own child's shitty nappy or changing someone else's child. Mine performed on the kitchen floor this morning but he is nine this year and has a sensitive tummy. Dh is not so sympathetic and it's supposed to be his dog.

I love, love, love my dog but it is a commitment. Think through your day and work out how much time you would be spending with him/her and think of holidays, days out , work etc. then persuade dh.

Eva I disagree-dog shit is dog shit.

Right, in terms of balance, my puppy is 13 weeks old now. I was also brought up with dogs.
Poo pickup? - use poo bags, nothing to it.
Smell ? - yup, can be. I wash his bed and dog blanked 2 x per week so its minimised.
Accidents- down to the odd one now, as in 1in a week. We have old carpets we are changing in a few months anyway.
Hair- go for a low shedding breed or cross.
Sleep - We have only in the last week started to get him to sleep through for more than 5 hours - We were on our knees with tiredness.
Money- puppy, crate, bed, blankets, toys, vet, food, treats, classes, microchip, insurance, stair gate (s) - they all add up. Can you afford it all ?
Support- dd16 pulls her weight massively, I do all mornings and bedtimes, dh works short shifts ( semi retired) so does the lions share of the day. Even with the 3 of us its tiring, especially the first month. We could never have got him unless we were all willing to do our bit.
For- he is great. We are more active and spend more time with dd that she CHOSES to be with us, which is lovely. My dp and dpil love him to bits,y dads been in & out of hospital & waits for his daily puppy report. He gives the best snuggles and is asleep on my feet as I type .
Against - we have had to wait 23 years for our work patterns to allow that someone is in the house with him. His need s rightly trump ours - if he needs to go out in the middle of dinner then he goes. We are now tied to the house / dog friendly places only.

I have a 4 month old golden retriever puppy - and four children. The last three months have been the hardest thing I have ever done and I really thought I was prepared for a dog, especially after having had four babies! I had read LOADS, sorted out training, vets, "retriever mentor" - aka my neighbour who has had hers since puppyhood and ensured I had four positively disposed children. DH did NOT want a dog, and has really, really struggled - and still does - with the disruption to his routine, his life, his house and just being able to do stuff without a furry being having to be thought about!

I absolutely adore her and she is gorgeous, but it's not a decision I would take lightly, possibly not again, and would probably get an older rescue rather than a puppy as they are HARD WORK. I knew that the children would lose interest; they do love her to pieces and as soon as they get home from school they run to play with her - but at the weekends when there is a choice on whether to walk with her or not, they already often choose to stay with DH and I go on my own......

We had just got to the stage where the children were all in school, we had more freedom to go and do interesting stuff at the weekends further afield and now we are right back to being tied to feeding/walking/company for the dog. I don't regret it for one moment, because I lobbied for about a year for her and as a SAHM, my mental and physical health is so much the richer for her, but I know that DH does struggle with it.

Picking up dog poo is such a teeny part of the whole thing that if that's putting you off, then don't get a dog!! And I really would advise that you need to have your other half on board - it's very hard without. We never argued (much) before the dog - now it's a constant source of stress - he tolerates her but I know would far rather she wasn't here.

If you work from home you're going to be fairly socially isolated, so I can understand wanting a dog. Try reminding your husband of that?

I have always wanted a dog, but I look after my DIL's regularly and my boss's when he brings it to work.

They are a huge commitment the "having to be back for the dog" I think is the biggest downside.

Do "borrow" a dog or take some time out and visit a rescue centre, help out there.

I don't have a dog, ending up with two cats instead, entirely different, but very lovable in their own individual way.

Think very hard, and it has to be a joint decision because if you go ahead you will need your DH's help and support with the dog.

I can speak for your husband.
They stink, you will stink ( Yes they do and yes you will before anyone challenges it ) but you will get used to it so you don't realise you, your dog and your house stink.
they slobber , they shit, they bark, they restrict your plans.
You cannot force a child or a dog on someone who doesn't want one

We've had our 6 month old lab puppy for just shy of 4 months now, and it has been so, so, so, so much harder than I ever thought it would be. DH was keen; I was persuaded.

I regret it, in fact. But a dog is for life, and I am assuming it will get better in another year or two. But I won't lie. I wish we'd never done it. The excrement that requires cleaning up, which 99% of the time falls to me for one reason or another is utterly grim. I am completely over it. She chews everything - I mean everything - that falls into her path. You think things are out of her way, but no, they are destroyed. I know puppies do this, but it is still incredibly annoying. Again, I assume this will lessen in another 6 months.

Life was so much easier and more spontaneous before she arrived. I do like her, but I regret it, right now.

Do not force your husband to do this. He will resent you. It's not like a child, where you inevitably come round to it.

It's a shame he does seem to get his own way in these things, but they're absolutely the sorts of things that you can't just go ahead with unilaterally, so whaddaya gonna do...

The love and joy they bring makes any disadvantages pale into insignificance, truly.

No, it doesn't. Or it might for some people. Not all.

also you might become one of those dog owners who assume it's fine to bring their dog to my house.

it's not.
you might think your dog is the most adorable thing to the whole world since your last baby but it's not . ( and neither was your baby )

I love my dog and his lovely brown eyes when they gaze up at me beats everything. But this weekend..
He had the shits over night in the kitchen/utility room.
He needed walking at 7am on a Sunday.
He farted all last night so we had to breathe through jumpers
We went to the cinema with kids and drew straws over who went out for tea and who went home for the dog.
I hoovered 6 times.
Loves my dog but he generates so much work.

They fart all the time.
They make the house smell.
DCs are interested for 5 minutes and then leave everything to you to do.