Have name changed as so humiliated and people in RL know my username.
I don't know what to do?!
He has always been a fitness fanatic and gym bunny, fad diets, healthy eating etc. in the past I have known he has taken certain things, testosterone boosters etc. and whilst I might not have agreed, it was all legitimate and above board (bought on Amazon).
We have had arguments in the past about steroids, I have questioned if he was taking anything else, he always denied it, said he would tell me! I always told him, it's his body, his decision... I would definitely disapprove of him taking steroids, but would keep my mouth shut so long as it didn't affect me or our family. He promised he would tell me.
Well today, I was washing his work clothes and an empty pill packet fell out of his pocket. I can't remember the name but I googled it and it was a post-cycle drug that bodybuilders use when they're finishing a steroid cycle & something to do with testosterone and oestrogen levels. I questioned him.. He told me he had no idea what it was. Then he said it was from a long time ago, had no idea why it was in his pocket, but he didn't ever remember taking it and that it must have been after he took those testosterone boosters.
Well it didn't sit right with me, I got upset. Argument ensued but he was very apologetic, cuddly, loving, told me he would always tell me.
I feel so stupid, I believed him!!!!!
I put the baby to bed, and prepped dinner, things going round in my head. The more I thought about it, the less sense it made. If it had been from ages ago, then why was it in his pocket now? Also, how on earth can he not remember taking it?
I told him after dinner that I was going out of my mind and couldn't just drop it, something wasn't right and I knew it. He got defensive, I told him there wouldn't be an issue if he had taken anything just tell me so I can stop feeling like a psychotic idiot!
he swore on our 18month old sons life that he had never taken any steroids. I told him that I wanted to go and look in his work van, everything in my body was telling me to go and look, but I said I didn't want to because I wanted to believe him and I was scared of what I might find.
He could have told me then!
But no, he said go look.
So I did!
I feel like such an idiot!!!!! When I came back inside, his face said it all. I am so angry that I didn't even get angry. I asked why, he said he didn't want to feel like a disappointment to his wife. I said but you'd rather feel like a lying c*nt?! I'm upstairs in the spare room, couldn't bare to look at him or hear another lie come come out of his mouth.
please tell me I'm not being unreasonable to be beyond livid, I'm so angry I can't breathe properly, hyperventilating, feel like I'm going to explode.
Somebody please, tell me what to do?!