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Original poster

I've just found out my husband is on steroids!!!

66 replies

Goingoutofmymindddd · 22/03/2015 19:51

Have name changed as so humiliated and people in RL know my username.
I don't know what to do?!
He has always been a fitness fanatic and gym bunny, fad diets, healthy eating etc. in the past I have known he has taken certain things, testosterone boosters etc. and whilst I might not have agreed, it was all legitimate and above board (bought on Amazon).
We have had arguments in the past about steroids, I have questioned if he was taking anything else, he always denied it, said he would tell me! I always told him, it's his body, his decision... I would definitely disapprove of him taking steroids, but would keep my mouth shut so long as it didn't affect me or our family. He promised he would tell me.
Well today, I was washing his work clothes and an empty pill packet fell out of his pocket. I can't remember the name but I googled it and it was a post-cycle drug that bodybuilders use when they're finishing a steroid cycle & something to do with testosterone and oestrogen levels. I questioned him.. He told me he had no idea what it was. Then he said it was from a long time ago, had no idea why it was in his pocket, but he didn't ever remember taking it and that it must have been after he took those testosterone boosters.
Well it didn't sit right with me, I got upset. Argument ensued but he was very apologetic, cuddly, loving, told me he would always tell me.
I feel so stupid, I believed him!!!!!
I put the baby to bed, and prepped dinner, things going round in my head. The more I thought about it, the less sense it made. If it had been from ages ago, then why was it in his pocket now? Also, how on earth can he not remember taking it?
I told him after dinner that I was going out of my mind and couldn't just drop it, something wasn't right and I knew it. He got defensive, I told him there wouldn't be an issue if he had taken anything just tell me so I can stop feeling like a psychotic idiot!
he swore on our 18month old sons life that he had never taken any steroids. I told him that I wanted to go and look in his work van, everything in my body was telling me to go and look, but I said I didn't want to because I wanted to believe him and I was scared of what I might find.
He could have told me then!
But no, he said go look.
So I did!
I feel like such an idiot!!!!! When I came back inside, his face said it all. I am so angry that I didn't even get angry. I asked why, he said he didn't want to feel like a disappointment to his wife. I said but you'd rather feel like a lying c*nt?! I'm upstairs in the spare room, couldn't bare to look at him or hear another lie come come out of his mouth.
please tell me I'm not being unreasonable to be beyond livid, I'm so angry I can't breathe properly, hyperventilating, feel like I'm going to explode.
Somebody please, tell me what to do?!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/03/2015 21:35

steroids taken for non medical reasons also cause problems with getting and sustaining an erection

that's your sex life fucked, and no discussion about it

cariadlet · 22/03/2015 21:38

Isn't one of the side effects of steroids uncontrollable mood swings?

I had dealings, through work, with a family who were in difficulties. The dad had to sign an agreement saying that he go on an anger management course and that he would stop taking steroids.
They definitely have both physical and emotional side-effects.

I can understand why you were so worried about your DH using them, and you are quite right to be angry that he has lied to you.

ManOfSpiel · 22/03/2015 21:41

Smillas

Have you never heard of bigorexia? Steroid use has increased exponentially over the last few years and is becoming a huge problem as men grapple with images of the 'ideal' male physique.

I realise 'wot about the menz' isn't of interest to many on here but if the op's marriage is something of value then it may be worth getting to the bottom of his issues, if he has any of course.

I too am a pretty avid gym goer but any muscle I have is 100% natural. Steroids are easily obtained in my gym and whilst I'm not interested, can see why people do it.

OP, you are right to be upset and if this is the end for you then fair enough. However, either way it's worth getting to the bottom of his mental state. It should be pretty obvious if he's been on steroids for a long time as he will suffer mood swings (roid rage) and he will also have packed on more muscle than seems reasonable. Jaw lines are also liable to change due to the increase of testosterone.

Potentially he's going to mess up his body big time and that's no good for him, you or the kids.

XiCi · 22/03/2015 21:45

I don't think I could forgive him swearing on my son's life

He is an complete idiot for taking the drugs. Educate yourself about the effects as it will affect you and your family. Anabolic steroids have an absolutely devastating effect on both psychological and physical heath. I know someone who died from heart failure aged 32 from taking them. From the outside he looked a really fit and healthy guy and his death was a real shock. I would also be really worried about being around someone who could be potentially very unstable and/or violent as a side effect of the drugs. I just wouldn't want my children to be exposed to that.

AnyFucker · 22/03/2015 21:45

his cock will be shrinking too

HootyMcTooty · 22/03/2015 21:52

I'm with AnyFucker, anyone who swears on someone else's life is, in all probability, lying.

The lies and the steroids would be a deal breaker for me, but you need to decide if they are for you.

He's breaking the law, risking his health, and if it's true about the mood swings on steroids, potentially putting your safety and that of your child at risk, without so much as a discussion with you. I don't understand his defence of not wanting to be a disappointment to you either. If that were true then surely he would simply not do something that he knows will disappoint you. Doing it anyway and covering it up suggests that he wasn't that bothered about disappointing you, rather he just didn't want the ball ache of having to deal with your reaction.

tallwivglasses · 22/03/2015 21:56

Do you think you can move on from this, OP? If he said he'd stop now, see his GP, get counselling, swear on his baby's life he'll never do it again?

ManOfSpiel · 22/03/2015 21:59

Sorry but he's not breaking the law unless he's supplying others. Possession and personal use is not illegal.

AnyFucker · 22/03/2015 22:00

does that make it ok ?

HootyMcTooty · 22/03/2015 22:01

Fair enough, not breaking the law then. But to be honest, the law breaking element of my post would be, to me, the least important.

ManOfSpiel · 22/03/2015 22:05

No, but does it make it OK to spout complete bs just because the op's oh has done something wrong? I don't think so.

HootyMcTooty · 22/03/2015 22:07

Spouting bullshit? ODFO, I was under the impression it was illegal, you contradicted, I said fair enough.

Touched a nerve did I?

AnyFucker · 22/03/2015 22:08

MOS, why don't you try to assist the op instead of picking holes in another's posts ?

It may not be strictly against the law, but in some professions indulging in activities like this would be very frowned upon and certainly against certain codes of conduct.

So, he could be risking his livelihood and ability to support his family too

as well as having a shrinking cock

ManOfSpiel · 22/03/2015 22:17

Fair enough Hooty but IMHO the more important thing for me would be to understand why he's felt the need to go down the steroids route.

Rational people don't just suddenly decide to inject drugs and risk all of the known side effects. It's a huge undertaking and requires a mental state that isn't fully aligned with 99% of the public. As I mentioned previously, bigorexia is becoming a problem and if he doesn't suffer from this then he clearly has other psychological issues that need addressing.

Reading the responses on here so far it's not even being considered. If he was suffering from anorexia then it would receive a different response but because it's steroid abuse then he's instantly being written off.

Personally I wouldn't like that to happen so soon.

ManOfSpiel · 22/03/2015 22:20

Anyfucker

Why don't you actually read my previous posts before jumping in.

Sorry if you think being factual is picking holes.

MrsBojingles · 22/03/2015 22:29

Personally I'd want to look into the root issue here - Bigorexia was mentioned up thread, and I don't think its an issue that is understood properly. I do not condone or excuse the lies (esp swearing on your sons life... That's just wrong), but as someone who has survived severe anorexia I would point out that a huge problem with people with eating disorders is the lies. Lies like crazy to cover your backside to try and keep on the addictive self destructive route you're on.

Your husband needs help, and needs to realise his body building has got out of hand if he is lying about it and deliberately hiding IT from you.

I'd be dead now if the people round me had done the equivalent of "leaving the bastard". Not saying its not a deal breaker- that's your choice, but that the man needs help and needs to realise he has a major issue.

AnyFucker · 22/03/2015 22:30

MOS, you can point out the inaccuracy of a statement without labelling it "spouting bullshit"

and yes, I read your previous posts

NaiceVillageOfTheDammed · 22/03/2015 22:32

Is he injecting OP?

Does he use a needle exchange or share (v v common in gyms)?

One of the communities with a growing HIV rate is the anabolic steriod community. They just don't see themselves as drug users and so few reach out to needle exchange/education schemes.

Apologies - I don't mean to unduly worry you, but it is a possibility.

HootyMcTooty · 22/03/2015 22:36

It sounds like OP has been supportive of her DH's lifestyle, to the point that they have discussed steroids and she's made her position clear. A line in the sand was drawn and he's stepped over it.

OP, I think you need to stay out of each other's way until you've calmed down and absorbed what you've discovered. Then you need to have a proper talk.

ManOfSpiel · 22/03/2015 22:45

MrsBojingles

I'm sorry to hear about your experience and agree with you.

I don't think enough is known about bigorexia or compulsive exercise disorders but it's clear that this guy needs professional help.

Lilmissconcerned · 22/03/2015 22:56

Anavar is most frequently used by female bodybuilders due to the fact it doesn't give the vasculation side effects (hair., enlarged clit deep voice etc) associated with most testosterone steroids.

Ok far enough your not happy about him lying to you, but Google it... It's called the 'girlie steriod' for a reason. It's extremely low level steriod and is used for the cutting in cycle in men as it maintains muscle whilst dieting.

I'd suggest you google and find out more... A lot of comments in here are alarmist and factually incorrect.. Mood swings and aggression aren't associated with anavar... In fact steroids in general - 'roid rage' is a myth.

Google and watch the documentary 'bigger stronger faster'... Then talk with your husband.

HappenstanceMarmite · 23/03/2015 08:52

Informative post from lilmissconcerned. And a PP gave a link to the product being legally available through Amazon.

I'd say more research needs doing OP, before making any decisions. Agree with you about the lying being the bigger crime. Good luck.

KatieScarlettreregged · 23/03/2015 09:03

Tell that to my mate.
Her previously benign DH started this shit. She soon began to notice him becoming aggressive and secretive. One night he punched her full in the face for no reason other than she was on a work night out and he didn't like it.
She left him. Even though she loved him.
He was dead by the age of 30.
His DD suffers daily from his premature death. His parents have never and will never recover.
OP, you are right to be hard line over this.

GingerCuddleMonster · 23/03/2015 09:06

so much missonformation on this thread, anavar isn't illegal in less your going to piss in a tub for a drugs test for competition or the armed forces.

it's low level as a pp said. Have a word with him, long term use isn't great and its a banned substance for a reason generally. I'd be addressing the issue of why he felt the need to take it. and address any possible body dysmorphia that could be in place.