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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should have known World War 3 would have broken out!

74 replies

WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 18:24

This relates to this thread earlier. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2337778-To-buy-my-child-an-e-cigarette

Anyway I spoke to my dss ad dd and they have admitted to smoking on a regular basis. Sad. They are know going to receive no pocket money from us and we will be paying and taking control of their finances from now on. They will be put on nicquitine gum if they want help quiting.

Anyway world war 3 broke out as it was ds (twin to dd) that told be about smoking. They have ganged up on ds because they realised it was him who told me. Anyway after teenage abuse has been thrown about and tantrums and strops by all people. Dss who already clashes with ds, has been quite nasty to ds (who I have told not to respond). Dd has been just as nasty and a bit of a brat.

The nail in the coffin was Dp coming back home (from day out with younger dc) backing dss up. Like seriously he's verbally abused my son, who did the right thing telling me about a health damaging addiction.

I need Wine. So their are many people being unreasonable. Dd, dss and dh.

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Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 18:30

Sorry for grammar or spelling I'm writing on my phone.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 22/03/2015 18:33

Tempting to take DS out for a few hours?

LIZS · 22/03/2015 18:34

Given the other threads you have posted about relations between you, dh , DTs and dss , yes , the reactions could easily have been anticipated. Tbh your biggest issue is with how dh undermines your parenting and treats all the dc differently.

Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 18:34

Best It is for dinner so much petty tension

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Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 18:36

Exactly Lizs but you're right I should of predicted it.

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butterfly2015 · 22/03/2015 18:38

His son admits to smoking but it's your sons fault? Jeez, sorry but what a dick.

I agree that controlling finances is the best route to take and sit your dd down and explain to her exactly how much money she is wasting plus the wrecking of her health.

Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 18:41

Butterfly he sometimes can be completely fine when dss is in the wrong but other times he backs him up pointlessly.

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WyldChyld · 22/03/2015 18:44

Why has he attacked your DS and have you gone back at him? It's totally inappropriate for him to verbally attack your son over this matter

ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 18:47

So he's more ok with the smoking than the way you found out about it? What a stupid eeijt.

Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 18:53

He's not okay smoking he's annoyed that ds has only mentioned it now after a row with ds last week. He is also annoyed at me for being to "harsh on his son". Saying that he makes the choices over his own sons allowance and health.

I never said about the allowance or health or made any decisions. I have only said that smoking is bad for health etc. I think dh has become a Disney dad tonight.

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Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 18:57

It is wlyd

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ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 18:58

Well it definitely doesn't sound like he thinks smoking is the real issue here.

LittleBairn · 22/03/2015 19:00

Your Partner is an arse. Your DS did the right thing and so have you.

Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 19:01

He thinks I've ganged up with ds on dss

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LittleBairn · 22/03/2015 19:01

How badly did you speak to your DS?

butterfly2015 · 22/03/2015 19:04

If he continues to give his son money while your daughters is stopped or cut back then it's going to cause major problems.

It's irrelevant how you found out, I told a parent at school I'd seen their child smoking and she was very grateful because she had no idea. Said child has no idea who shopped them but I would want to be told if it was my child so it could be dealt with.

I think your oh is being vvu about this and not dealing with the main issue but rather deflecting his anger onto your son, the messenger.

Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 19:07

I think oh is vvu

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londonrach · 22/03/2015 19:07

Read but didnt comment. My feeling on smoking is based on over 12 years of seeing patients stuggling to breath with copd on oxygen. Seeing each breath a struggle. Each word a battle. Believe me its hell! Ive seen patients loose a toe, a foot, a leg, a manhood (ask me about my fav half truth) and a life lost due to these evil things. The smell. Last week i had to make me polite excuses (i pretended id forgot something as i needed air. Said im so sorry and popped out) as i couldnt breath and just breathed fresh air (from fire escape) before i re-entered my clinic room. Open windows and a can of air fresher and next patient was in. If anything can stop just one person starting.... Any smoker who doesnt realise how bad they smell, how awful their skin looks and what their feet and body looks like is kiding them shelf. But their choice....

londonrach · 22/03/2015 19:10

My ipad is correcting my awful spelling and grammer. Am cooking same time. Please correct where you need...

WyldChyld · 22/03/2015 19:14

You need to have a conversation with your DP and come up with a plan together. Is he hacked off that you spoke to them both without you? I can half understand him being angry if you have made a decision without him but his behaviour towards your DS is disgusting.

Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 19:18

Spoke to dh he is stoping his allowance which is what I saidHmm.

It is my business as if dss has smoked in room ds could have breathed in passive smoke.

Dss called me a bitch which I'm not happy about. And said far worse to ds.

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Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 19:18

I did speak to them alone.

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LittleBairn · 22/03/2015 19:25

Whats his punishment for his abusive langauge towards you and your DS?

N0RMABATES · 22/03/2015 19:33

Your dh/p is an arse so it's no surprise your dss is one too.

As for calling you and your ds horrible names I would be leaving the 3 of them to please themselves for the evening and take ds out, he didn't deserve to be spoken to like that and neither do you.

Original poster
WomenVsbarbie · 22/03/2015 19:34

Well if dh is like this I can't see their being Much of a punishment.

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