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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ring school about male teacher in girls changing rooms?

123 replies

IDoAllMyOwnStunts · 21/03/2015 22:16

My daughter is Yr 8, she has announced today that a male teacher often comes into the girls changing rooms to chivvy them along. Sometimes when another female teacher is there, and other times when no other staff member is in there. She says some girls have been in a state of undress when he's walked in. He doesn't do anything other than pop in and tell them to hurry.
Is this allowed? Opposite sexes in changing rooms? I was going to ring her head of year on Monday to let her know this is going on. Would she think I was bonkers? Don't want to make a tit of myself if its an accepted thing in schools?

OP posts:

N0RMABATES · 22/03/2015 10:28

Why would a man walk into a female changing room at all? Doesn't matter that they are pre-teens, teens, young women or old...it's about a persons right to privacy and no man should do it. Surely he could just push the door open a bit, look at his feet and yell for them to hurry up. What is wrong with this guy to think it's ok to just walk in?!
I would be straight up the school to complain Monday morning if I were you op.

TheReluctantBride · 22/03/2015 10:36

Def mention it to school. It shouldn't happen. It is a safeguarding issue for the member of staff too - he shouldn't be putting himself in such a vulnerable position (open to allegations if a very serious nature) and the school should let him be out in that position.
If it helps put your mind at rest he is far far more likely to be a stressed over worked teacher trying to cover for a sick colleague and get his job done than a peeping Tom!

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/03/2015 10:40

Psipsina - any woman could be harbouring bisexual tendencies. So what would you suggest for changing room supervision - cyborgs?

Original poster

IDoAllMyOwnStunts · 22/03/2015 10:40

Life- it is everything to do with sexual preference. Anyone can be sexually interested in children, male/female, gay/straight etc. I did say that earlier. I don't follow your logic.

And I don't see the 'all female PE teachers are lesbians' here. I only told of one personal experience from many years ago.

OP posts:

AliceMcGee · 22/03/2015 10:46

at my DC secondary school there are no teachers at all on the changing rooms whilst students are changing. they wait in their office which adjoins the changing room.

Psipsina · 22/03/2015 10:48

Gator - no, I'd suggest the same format to what most people are suggesting for a man. Ie open door slightly, look at floor while shouting 'get on with it'.

CumberCookie · 22/03/2015 11:05

No teacher, of whatever sexuality or gender should make a child feel uncomfortable while getting changed.

mariamin · 22/03/2015 11:11

Lesbians are attracted to adult women, not girls.

Pipbin · 22/03/2015 11:16

Are some on this thread really suggesting that a lesbian teacher is a danger to girls?

Quite. As said above, no one should be attracted to children regardless of sexuality.

mariamin · 22/03/2015 11:18

The homophobia on this thread has stunned me.

Original poster

IDoAllMyOwnStunts · 22/03/2015 11:19

I don't think anyone is suggesting that lesbians are only sexually attracted to children! What I am trying to say (badly) is that being sexually attracted to children is a sexual preference as much as being gay/straight/bi etc.

OP posts:

Psipsina · 22/03/2015 11:22

Lesbians are attracted to adult women, not girls.

Just as adult men are attracted to adult women, not girls?

How are my comments homophobic? I have lesbian relations and friends. I do not approve of anyone making children feel uncomfortable. Mostly adults do not do this, whatever their sexual preference or identity.

mariamin · 22/03/2015 11:23

Except many men who do have enjoyable attraction and sex with women, are also attracted to children. That is because it is not just about sexual attraction. It is about power.

Psipsina · 22/03/2015 11:24

Which can and does apply to adult women.

See my experience below.

Psipsina · 22/03/2015 11:25

Or are you suggesting that women are immune to abusing power?

Psipsina · 22/03/2015 11:26

Because if you are, then you are minimising my experience.

Lifesalemon · 22/03/2015 11:32

Ok i put it badly. When I said sexual preferences I meant men or women and i meant being gay doesn't make you a peodophile. This thread is getting ridiculous. The school has a duty to make their students feel safe. If what is happening is making a child feel uncomfortable for whatever reason it is wrong.

Lifesalemon · 22/03/2015 11:33

My last post in reply to OP by the way.

HermioneWeasley · 22/03/2015 11:34

Should I not use the women's changing rooms at her gym because I'm bi? Am I a danger to women? I hate to disappoint all those who assume that lesbians are having the chew their own hands off to stop themselves groping any passing woman, but I'm not remotely interested. I can look at boobs any time I want.

WTF that's happened on this thread?

I'm astonished that a male teacher would put himself in a position where he could be accused of all sorts or at least misunderstood.

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/03/2015 11:39

Just as adult men are attracted to adult women, not girls?

Yes, because there isn't any kind of market in naughty schoolgirl outfits, or any barely legal porn genre (often utilizing the naughty schoolgirl outfits)...

Ultimately though - it doesn't matter. Women are allowed in the women's changing rooms, men usually aren't and I hope the OP has made plans to contact the school.

TwinkleThis · 22/03/2015 11:43

The homophobia on this thread has stunned me.

Please could we not do this?

Since when does posing a hypothetical question (what if the PE teacher is lesbian/gay male), to further understand a situation, automatically translate to homophobia (or any other kind of prejudice)?

I see no homophobia here. I see people discussing a specific incident, sharing experiences of their own school time and school policies, and trying to get to the heart of the matter about what Is and Isn't good practice, and why.

This thread could be so interesting and productive if we don't allow it to degenerate with accusatory statements as above.

I'm fairly certain we can all agree we would prefer to live in a world where adults of either sex weren't attracted to children.

(I'm equally certain I've ballsed that right up, but am on a phone and it's too damn hard to be eloquent at the moment, apologies.)

Original poster

IDoAllMyOwnStunts · 22/03/2015 11:47

Thanks for explaining Life, get you now.

OP posts:

limitedperiodonly · 22/03/2015 11:48

I'm astonished that a male teacher would put himself in a position where he could be accused of all sorts or at least misunderstood.

There are people who get a thrill out of flirting with the danger of being caught aside from the more obvious thrill of seeing naked flesh.

These people are IME often armed with excuses - checking the pool filter - which don't stand up to scrutiny. But they are so deluded and arrogant that their excuse seems like a good idea right up until the time they get caught.

They often continue to protest their innocence, but really?

limitedperiodonly · 22/03/2015 11:50

This thread could be so interesting and productive if we don't allow it to degenerate with accusatory statements as above.

I agree TwinkleThis. Apart from that bit when you said you'd ballsed it up

Original poster

IDoAllMyOwnStunts · 22/03/2015 11:50

Well said Twinkle.

OP posts:

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