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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to ask if this is normal?

51 replies

EatDessertFirst · 21/03/2015 19:14

My DB recently got engaged. I just recieved a message from future SIL about their engagement party. On the end it said 'haven't had any present ideas yet'.

Do you give presents at engagement?? Is a wedding present not enough?? What do we buy?? I may be just massively naive. DP and I never recieved nor expected presents when we got engaged, but we got loads of cards which we kept.

Help MN!!

OP posts:
makeminea6x · 21/03/2015 19:17

I think we got one. A spice rack. We were pleased but rather surprised, not knowing it was yet A nother Thing to fail to write thank yous for

sliceofsoup · 21/03/2015 19:19

We got presents when we got engaged, but we didn't ask for them or have a party.

We got gift vouchers and some mugs.

Original poster
EatDessertFirst · 21/03/2015 19:20

Oooo spice rack! (hastily starts list of ideas).

OP posts:
HarrietTheFly · 21/03/2015 19:22

I've only ever bought engagement presents for two couples. One were very close friends of mine and the other close family. Neither asked for or expected anything and both were pleasantly surprised (or so they seemed). I've never been given an engagement gift list and I've never heard of anything like it!

Original poster
EatDessertFirst · 21/03/2015 19:22

Its going to cost us a fair bit to go to the party and the wedding as it is. I'm just a bit panicky I think.

OP posts:
Boofy27 · 21/03/2015 19:36

A pair of peach coloured matching hand towels, in a box. Would you like them for re-gifting?

Skinnydecafflatte · 21/03/2015 19:36

Just reply 'Oh you don't need to give presents to those that attend your engagement party'...

iwaly · 21/03/2015 19:38

In my experience it is absolutely normal to give an engagement present if they are having an engagement party which you are attending. Otherwise not - just a card if anything depending how well you know them.

Have given things like nice mugs, coffee makers (got together with people from work to buy one larger thing), bath things (eg bathmat from Habitat which they had asked for), bottle of port.

Idontseeanydragons · 21/03/2015 19:39

We had an engagement party and received loads of household type gifts that we didn't ask for and didn't expect!
It was a lovely surprise as we were house hunting at the same time so had quite a lot if kitchen equipment to get us going.

DecaffTastesWeird · 21/03/2015 19:39

Yanbu. It's a bit presumptious to assume you will get presents for engagement. That said, my DH and I got loads when we got engaged. We were pleasantly surprised as didn't expect anything. I always buy close friends and family engagement gifts now.

TheSingingMonkey · 21/03/2015 19:39

No never. How many excuses for presents do you need? Aren't wedding presents enough?

We had engagement drinks in a pub, didn't expect presents.

EveBoswell · 21/03/2015 19:40

skinny Grin Flowers

Jackieharris · 21/03/2015 19:41

If you have an engagement party there's usually engagement gifts.

Original poster
EatDessertFirst · 21/03/2015 19:46

Mugs seem to be a popular and cheaperpresent. Considering how much it will cost us to get there/stay over for the party I think thats all we'll be able to afford, especially if they are expecting wedding presents as well.

I'm fully expecting the ridiculous weekend hen-do invite next. How many 'things' does there have to be!?

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 21/03/2015 19:46

No need for engagement gifts (though parents of the couple would probably give something).

If you normally send presents to the host or honouree of a party, then of course you'd treat an engagement party like any other.

Original poster
EatDessertFirst · 21/03/2015 19:47

Thank you for replies btw. Flowers

OP posts:
TiggieBoo · 21/03/2015 19:51

Give them matching mugs with their names on. To match the tackiness of asking for an engagement gift.

marshmallowpies · 21/03/2015 19:51

One friend sent me a present - I had to contact her and say 'was this meant to go to me?' And she explained it was an engagement present - think she did it as a spur of the moment thing, and I was very touched.

But we didn't have a party & didn't expect gifts. Some US friends of DH asked if we had an engagement gift list & it was the first I ever heard of it!

Original poster
EatDessertFirst · 21/03/2015 19:54

Grin TiggieBoo

I love my DB to the depths of my very soul but I'd have no issue with limiting contact with a possible Bridezilla SIL. The whole thing is new to me at the moment.

OP posts:
TheBuskersDog · 21/03/2015 19:54

I don't see the need for an engagement party and would assume it was an excuse for expecting receiving presents.

OhisHOME · 21/03/2015 19:57

I've only ever bought one engagement gift. It was a wedding planning book for a close friend & I knew she'd like it.

seriouslypeedoff · 21/03/2015 19:59

Hmm dbros wedding, engagement, stag and hen parties would have run up a £2k bill if we had done it all. We didn't do the stag and hen party's, we had a newborn so easily got out of it. They were weekends abroad, the hotel was over £150.00 , engagement was in the hotel they got married in (another £150.00) , wedding gift, clothes etc . We couldn't have afforded it all. I spent less on my own wedding.

Jewels234 · 21/03/2015 20:00

I would only ever give something small for someone very close...a bottle of champagne or a couple of champagne glasses. I don't think it's a thing at all.

splodgeses · 21/03/2015 20:04

Can you get one of those "Wedding fund" money pots? It's a nice gesture, they are relatively cheap (I paid £2.99 for a ceramic one on ebay ) and you won't have to worry about what they might like. Grin

HarrietTheFly · 21/03/2015 20:13

In that case I'd just not go to the party. Weddings are enough hassle and expensive on their own. Ain't nobody got time for this shit!

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