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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my friend over a holiday

85 replies

JustNameChanged · 21/03/2015 17:16

I am a regular posted but have NC because my DF sometimes lurks.

I'm a single parent to 1 DS my DF is a single parent to two DS. All the kids get along great. I have some family support but she doesn't have a lot.

I've travelled a fair bit in be past pre DS and with DS and it doesn't really bother me. When I first took DS I knew it would be abit of hard work but I wanted to go on holiday so we went .

My DF is very nervous, doesn't like doing much with her DC because she says she struggles on her own. Neither of her DC are particularly badly behaved but she's nervous and says she struggles with simple things like managing them at the park and soft play so she doesn't go unless me and my DS go so she has a hand.

She's been saying how much she wants a holiday but needs support for herself to mange the boys so we should all go together and then she'll have my help, I said I wasn't to sure what my plans are this year and might struggle financially this year. Anyway she told me to work out my finances and get back to her. I never brought it up again but a few weeks later she did, I said I still didn't know and a couple of unexpected bills I doubt I'd be able too. Then she got really annoyed saying she needs a holiday so I should try and get the money to go and said to ask my DM so she would be even more help with the kids.

There's no way my mum would go to help with someone else's kids, she likes my DF but not enough to want to spend 1-2 weeks with her and her kids.

I've told her unless I win some money on the lotto or something there's no way I can go even though I could manage a very cheap week away just me and DS she's got majorly pissed said well that's mine and my boys holiday screwed for this year thanks and hung up Shock

I think my DF is BU in only wanting me to go on holiday with her to help look after her kids and trying to get my mum to go for that same reason but she obviously thinks it's me

So WIVU?

OP posts:
Panzee · 21/03/2015 17:18

It's really not you.

GoooRooo · 21/03/2015 17:19

YANBU. You are not free childcare for your friend. If she can't cope with her DC and wants to go on holiday she needs to hire childcare to go with her. It wouldn't be much of a holiday for you!

AlternativeTentacles · 21/03/2015 17:19

No not at all. Perhaps she should spend what money she has on some parenting classes, if it is that much of an issue.

BernadetteMatthews · 21/03/2015 17:19

Tell her that she is an adult and more than capable of going by herself.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 21/03/2015 17:20

I think she is being very, very U. I'd be edging away from that friendship as life's too short to be putting up with piss takers like that.

Littlef00t · 21/03/2015 17:20

Wow how entitled is she! Let it wash over you, it really doesn't sound like you'd have a good time either.

LIZS · 21/03/2015 17:20

Yanbu, she isn't being a good friend to pressure you.

FryOneFatManic · 21/03/2015 17:21

I agree, it's not you. She just wants free childcare. Go and have the holiday you want with your DS.

bumbleymummy · 21/03/2015 17:23

Yanbu.

MrsPeterQuill · 21/03/2015 17:23

Yanbu

I find it tedious looking after my own kids on holiday, let alone someone else's. She is also doubly unreasonable to get arsey with you about it. You aren't her partner and you aren't responsible fro her or her kids.

RedButtonhole · 21/03/2015 17:24

Why on earth would you want to spend your holiday running after her children?

If she can't cope she should pay someone to go with her and assist her ffs.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 21/03/2015 17:24

She's not looking for a friend to share a holiday she's looking for a mug nanny so she can offload the children while she takes a break

whatsagoodusername · 21/03/2015 17:25

Yanbu.

It's not your responsibility to ensure that she has a holiday.

PUGaLUGS · 21/03/2015 17:27

Bloody hell, I would not want to spend my money looking after someone else's chikdren.

YANBU.

Furyfowler · 21/03/2015 17:29

She sounds like hard work!... Zis she likely to realise that she ibu? Or is she completely deluded and entitled that she expects your help?

Furyfowler · 21/03/2015 17:29

Try sugesting that she pay for you and ds if it's that important to her!

madreloco · 21/03/2015 17:31

Wow. She sounds like the very definition of hard work. She seems to think you owe her your help? I'd be a lot less available when she calls.

Original poster
JustNameChanged · 21/03/2015 17:33

I'm glad people don't think IBU.

She's not likely to changed her mind and realise SIBU and if me and DS go away then WW3 will likely erupt

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 21/03/2015 17:35

Are you honestly going to not have a holiday in case you offend her? Really?

AlternativeTentacles · 21/03/2015 17:36

No it won't. She might have a hissy fit but that really is not your problem. She cannot hold you hostage over a holiday. Can you tell her to grow up?

Quitelikely · 21/03/2015 17:36

How old are her kids

Original poster
JustNameChanged · 21/03/2015 17:37

No if I can afford to go then I will 100% be going with DS but after a couple of unexpected bills I'm not sure I will but hopefully should be able too

OP posts:
CruCru · 21/03/2015 17:37

I love threads like this. No, you were reasonable.

gamerchick · 21/03/2015 17:41

I know anxiety and whatnot can make people very self absorbed bit that's a new level on me.

Let her have all the tantrums she wants.. I would hazard a guess she needs you in side more than you do from the sounds of it. Be firm.

DoJo · 21/03/2015 17:41

well that's mine and my boys holiday screwed for this year thanks

It's her inability or unwillingness to parent her children that has lead to this situation, not your lack of funds. It may not be her fault that she lacks confidence, and it's a shame that it impacts on her ability to take them on holiday, but it's not your problem. Suggest that she saves up and pays for the two of you if it's that important to her!

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