To think we have lost sight of what "thin" looks like as much as what "fat" looks like

[marmitenot]

Hi
My daughter is recovering (well) from anorexia. At her worst she was on the 3rd centile for weight for her height and age. The terrifying thing is that she did not look any different to many girls in her year at school and certainly nowhere near as skinny as many women/teens in the public eye. As parents we had no idea that she was dangerously underweight as she didn't look different to many of her peers.

There has been a lot of publicity of how society's perception of what is overweight has changed. Aibu to think that the same has happened with the perception of what is underweight is.

My daughter is now in the healthy weight range with a bit more to go, but out of danger and heading in the right direction.

EilaLila Me too! I'm only about three quarters of a stone heavier, but have a lot more, well, padding round my hips than I had then, and can't get jeans up past about mid-thigh now

I just don't like how there is this current trend for women, and it is always women, I've never heard a man say it, to say that if a woman is a size 10or less it's really unhealthy and down to extreme diets. It is a way of trying to make it more socially acceptable to be heavier. Which is fine, but you're denigrating slim people by saying it, and that's not very nice. But now slim people are the minority there is safety in numbers and slim people just need to take it.

I am not disputing the DD's anorexia nor her weight. I am stating that BMI is incorrect for children and therefore, not used. It doesn't matter if you think a 15 y/old has an adult body. They have scales adjusted for their height, weight and age.

It's contentious because the OP stated that her child was one week away from hopitalisation but apparently there are all these other dangerously underweight girls too. It doesn't ring true. I think the image of teenagers being thin is distorted, they are meant to be slim!

The Op also saysgol many celebrities look thinner than her anorexic daughter.
I'm wondering if maybe she can't see just how thin her daughter looks and that's why she thinks a third of her class mates are the same or skinnier.
She hasnt given any examples of celebrities to demonstrate.
I agree there are many models who are probably underweight but I think actresses, presenters and singers are more in the public eye and I can't think of any dangerously underweight ones off the top of my head. Not saying there aren't any just can't think of any.

Sorry, I meant that all these other 'heart failure' teenagers waiting to happen doesn't ring true, not the OP's experience.

Do you think it's not widespread, bigchoc?

When I was at school in the 80s it was rife with eating disorders. Doubt anyone saw doctors about it though. People were starving themselves and making themselves sick and all sorts. I can't imagine things have improved TBH.

I've quite a few friends who have in subsequent years told me that they had EDs when younger as well.

I think it's pretty common isn't it, just not taking it to the getting noticed / incredibly ill / hospital stage.

I would think that someone massively restricting their food or making themselves sick or taking laxatives or exercising excessively had issues, whether they were under the care of a medical professional or not TBH.

Even at uni I knew girls who lived on black coffee and cigarettes. They were very slender and looked good but I don't think it was healthy, I think there was something not quite right with that.

Anyway I don't think it's rare for females esp teens and young women to have unhealthy relationship with food / body issues and one end and more severe eating disorders at the other.

It can't just be people I know surely!

At uni I knew a girl who used to live off 3 pieces of fruit a day (when she was dieting). Looking at her photo, she wasn't even big, she just had a big bum. She would probably have been seen as attractive nowadays for that reason, but it wasn't fashionable in those days.
I hope she sorted her diet and body image out with no long term ill effects.

I bet that as well as the obvious models lots and lots of celebrities have a BMI below 18.

There were many of us that were very slim at university. Possibly some with disordered eating. But the difference between the majority and one girl that did have anorexia was marked, as there were other noticeable physical symptoms.

So in relation to the op, many were thin but not all were in a dangerous place wrt to overall health.

5 foot 9 and 10 stone 4 would definitely not put you at overweight by BMI, that weight is bang in the middle of the "healthy" range for 5'7", I remember as it was my WWatchers goal weight!

I broadly agree with Marmite. Most annies are so devious about hiding it as well. Big jumpers, baggie clothes, pretending to be quite into food but then not eating a thing. It's not until you see how skeletal the face fringed by ample hair is poking out of the great big jumper and the total lack of bottom that everything twigs. I wouldn't have such an acute radar if I hadn't spent so many hours in ED support groups. Also, I've heard quite a few times the story of the fatty who became anorexic and nobody in their family or weight loss group realised but instead highly praised them to continue as they were.

ime, healthily thin (thin = under ideal weight in my head) people are extremely different from Anorexics. They have a different way of moving, of dressing, different attitude about food and exercise and life. It takes like 30 seconds to spot the differences between healthy low BMI vs. someone anxiously working to keep it there.

I don't know many 15 year old girls. But if I look at my class photo from 1989 (age 15) there are 2 who look skinny, one who looks fat and the rest of us look slim. I now know that the 2 who look skinny had eating disorders.

I see plenty of young girls around who do look skinnier than we do in that photo.

By the way at age 13 plenty of us were super skinny matchstick legs but not by 15.

Disordered eating and eating disorders are on a contuium though. There's a difference between feeling shit about yourself when you're a normal, healthy weight and attempting crazy fad diets and severe Anorexia Nervosa.

"Annies"?!?! What the fuck?!

Agree with Way, I'd reckon most people, male and female, have disordered eating at university.

That doesn't mean they have an ED or AN.

I'd expect most 15 year old girls to have started to fill out. My own 15 year old daughter is very small, has only just started her periods, wears age t12-13 jeans, but doesn't look 'skinny' at all. No sticky out bones or matchstick legs.

I just checked my 15 yo dd's BMI, it is 17.4, and described as a healthy weight. She wears size 6 to 8 adult clothes or age 14 childrens.

I would say she is slim but not thin.

I think something significant is that you could be a stone thinner than your own ideal weight and look too thin. Whereas you might need to be 2 stone higher than your own Personal ideal weight to look equally far away from ideal at the other side. Or that's how it works for my body anyway!

At 5'1" I look best at 7.5stone. At 6.5 stone I look ill but even at 9.5stone I'm just verging on overweight. I'm currently losing weight after my second pregnancy when my metabolism changes so much and I find it so hard to stay slim. I'm down to 10.5 stone and definitely still look very overweight to me but ironically I'm doing such a variety of exercise I'm so much fitter than I was when I was 7.5stone just naturally!

And also body composition is a funny thing. I was on holiday with a friend who is about 5'5". We weighted exactly the same. My denim shorts were loose on me yet tighter on her and looked better on her! Yet she was taller and the same weight! It's all so personal.

The pro-anorexic community they like to call themselves Annies. It's part of embracing what they see as a legitimate lifestyle choice and not a mental illness. Not my idea.

"sPJPPp Sat 21-Mar-15 09:12:47
Sorry your dd has such a serious problem. But yabvu, I think its quite the opposite, people think a size 14 is normal size, I'm regularly called too skinny by (fat) people when I'm a 8 and a perfectly healthy size"

Yeah? Well i was a size 28 and went down to a 12 up to a 22 and now im a 16. Weight loss has been slow this time and im having to cut out food groups to do it.

And i will tell you this......i got/get treated much better now than i did when i was bigger.

I used to think men were judgier than women about weight but after reading some of the comments on this board im not so sure. "people think size 14 is a normal size" FFS Think how ppl like me feel when we read these comments. People are all different shapes and body types. I feel comfortable as i am now and my body just is struggling to lose any more.....oh fuck it i cant be arsed.......

I spent months in a psych hospital (PND) but living with about 15 girls with anorexia.

NONE of them had bodies like those of the average slim teenager you would sit next to at school.

That may have been where your daughter was heading, and it's wonderful that she is getting better. But don't think for a minute that inpatients at eating disorder clinics could walk down the street without people turning and staring.

I was just worried that there has been a significant rise in underweight teenage girls

There hasn't.
The exact opposite in fact.

And skipping meals is not an eating disorder.
Its called choosing to have your food when you feel like it.
3 meals a day was only invented in the west not that long ago.
It has no biological basis.

There are some celebrities that look very thin like Kate Bosworth and Rachel Zoe. When celebrities start to look as if their head is too big for their body, then they are obviously too thin to be healthy.