to ban DD from school dinners?

[AlmondAmy]

DD is 7 yo, 112cm tall and 4.5 stone. Before free school meals, she'd eat 8-)9 portions of fruit and veg per day and was always chirpy and active. Recently she's become lethargic, moody and irritable and has put weight on. She won't eat fruit/veg but is constantly complaining that she's hungry and trying to get her siblings food. She is greedy to the point of making herself sick from gorging on so much rubbish food at parties.

School dinners this week have included pizza, mash, bread and chocolate muffin, breaded fish, chips and flapjack and sausages, mash, bread and chocolate cake with custard. A packed lunch is typically a roast chicken wrap, couple squares of cheese, tomato, peppers, cucumber, carrots and hummus, strawberries and a biscuit.

School give out reward stickers for an empty plate, which I completely disagree with. DD is desperate to keep having school dinners but I think they're rubbish and affecting her weight and mood and want to go back to packed lunch everyday. ExH thinks I'm being cruel to deny her and says he'll ask school how to order them so my packed lunch goes to waste He says her weight is fine and a healthy appetite should be encouraged. I don't think practically salivating over other peoples food and asking for it despite just having had a meal is 'healthy' at all. AIBU?

Surely obvious from the link that I meant 'enjoying a pudding with a school dinner every day', but I apologise for the misunderstanding never the less.

And just to add - not all children have school dinners every day. If schools took the view that providing a pudding every day was unnecessary and only provided them on certain days I know which days would be oversubscribed.

I actually think there's a case for improving the quality of the main meal and losing the pudding, but in the meantime refuse to accept that they alone are impacting the health of OP's DD as the 16 meals a child eats at home (plus the 14 weeks of school holiday when 100% of meals are eaten at home) are far more likely to influence a child's eating habits.

I agree with you on OP's DD.

And I think the role of puddings is a manifestation of a broader attitude and issue that I find troublesome, not the other way around, so sorry if I gave the impression that I thought school dinners were the root cause - I dont, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be questioned.

I'd be in favour of having only fruit and yoghurt available for 'afters' in school dinners - having puddings/cakes/muffins on offer as well as fruit/yoghurt is what strikes me as particularly mad.

School holidays are a good point, nequid, never thought of that. Taking those into account children eat 190 out of 1095 meals a year at school, 17%. Not going to be the no1 reason for a child's weight.

Noonoos- have you looked at nhs bmi for your DD as current weight seems fine something like 0.4 centile height and 2- 9 for weight, depending on exact age so comes out around 50th bmi. Are they concerned height is restricted by not eating enough?

OP, I really don't think the school meals are the issue here, despite the fact that they sound very stodgy.

Are you sure that you have stated her height and weight correctly? if they are correct, then she is very small for her age, and extremely overweight. not that there is anything wrong with being short of course - but I was wondering if you and her father are both short, or if her height is unusual for your family? To me, this all speaks of something that needs investigation by a GP, and just stopping school meals is not going to create a dramatic enough weight loss to ensure that she in within normal limits.

Her behaviour also strikes me as something of concern - gorging / trying to get hold of food etc. has anything changed within her life / the life of the family in recent months?

Undoubtedly, children do go through growth spurts, that may be very disjointed (eg weight before height) and hormones can play a huge part. My DS1 was very overweight from about 9 (had been skinny before) until about 15, but he was also very tall and extremely active, so he looked plump, but in proportion, IYSWIM.

I think seeking some sort of medical input would either put your mind at rest, or initiate necessary tests. Good luck OP.

I will double check her height but I remember last time we were at a theme park in November she was only just tall enough for a ride with a 110cm height restriction. I'm 5'2" and her dad is 5'7" so we're not massive. He is obese and feeds her as much as she wants, which obviously isn't helping.

My DD is 7 and 135cm, she is about 5st and is very slim.

110cm seems small - is she short compared to her peers?

(my DD at 135 is one of the tallest)

OP, I think tackling ExH on this will be the most important thing, unfortunately. As you rightly said in your op, salivating over other people's food is not healthy. Could you ask your GP for a letter explaining what weight dd is, what she should be and what the consequences of being so big could be? Might help him understand since he clearly seems to think your worries over dd's health are unnecessary (and even thinks your attempts at a solution "cruel").

OP, how much time does your DD spend with her father? Might she be getting used to big portions and unhealthy treats, so that the 'normal' meals she receives from you and school are no longer satisfying to her?

I agree that a trip to the GP is in order, but then suspect that the real difficulty will be getting your ex on board.