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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
seriouslypeedoff · 20/03/2015 19:24

I think her reply is genius. I would have thought the same if DHs work mats wife texted me asking me to join a cooking club for the whole shift. I hate cooking and certainly would not want to cook for 20 people.

workhouse · 20/03/2015 19:24

How can any of you defend a text like that, why are people so RUUUUUDE.

I think that you were just trying to be nice, OP if a bit misguided. You wouldn't have got me involved in that set up in a million years, mind.

But I would have just replied no thank you, like most polite people.

RebootYourEngine · 20/03/2015 19:24

I am loving the new wife. That is the kind of reply i would send if i got a text like that. Grin

AlternativeTentacles · 20/03/2015 19:25

OP's arrangements sound fantastic and very efficient.

Exceedingly efficient for the men! They don't have to lift a finger.

Camolips · 20/03/2015 19:25

Why are the only options a home cooked meal or a ready microwave meal? What's wrong with last night's meal blasted through the microwave? It's what I, and thousands like me, do every day.

capsium · 20/03/2015 19:25

Maybe they're a communal collaborative group of 'feeders'?

NerrSnerr · 20/03/2015 19:25

I'm with the wife, it is a hugely sexist arrangement and I can't believe that you text her instead of one of the workers mentioning the rota to the new bloke to see if he (or her) wanted to contribute. I also can't believe that they bought the ladies cooking utensils.

If I didn't recognise the username I'd think this was a joke. I can't ever imagine a situation where I would get involved in something like this. It's bonkers (and very sexist and old fashioned).

piggychops · 20/03/2015 19:27

OP, I actually think it's a really kind thing for partners to do for their other half, It doesn't matter if they are male or female, it's just a kind thing. Smile

seriouslypeedoff · 20/03/2015 19:28

Random yes it does. However the assumption that the wife will provide the meal, to the point of bypassing the actual man who works there is not fantastic. If he wants to take part, let him. If his wife offers to do it for him, let her. The assumption that it WILL be her that does it, is where it falls apart.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 20/03/2015 19:28

"The reason for the thread is... the reply"

But, your thread didn't ask "Is this a rude text?", it asked "Is this [situation] sexist?" so the way she replied to you is irrelevant, it's the content that matters (and she gets a standing ovation from me).

But as a few people are saying above, you are taking this on the chin so I will bow out of this thread now (even though it is hilarious( and I second the suggestion that you send her a jokey text along the lines of "I'll take that as a no then", go and pour yourself a glass of wine, and next time, let your husband and his colleagues sort their work arrangements themselves.

goodasitgets · 20/03/2015 19:28

I read the original post and immediately went "got to be a fire station" Grin
I don't think there's anything wrong with it as such, you were trying to include her. Up to her if she wants to join but she didn't have to be rude about it
We often cook for each other at work and take a big pot in to share

CaptainHolt · 20/03/2015 19:29

Well, apparently it does matter if they are male or female as it is the female people doing it with the exception of single man who is given special dispensation to make a fry up.

ihatelego · 20/03/2015 19:29

YABU i'd be horrified if i was asked to take part in this, just because i have breasts doesn't mean i enjoy or am particularly good at cooking plus i get stressed cooking for strangers and definitely have better ways of spending my free time! I don't get when women make their partners their lunch for work.. sure maybe some like it but i see it as they're a grown man they can make their own food! surely a night shift is the same as a day shift in that they have plenty of time outside of their shift to sort out adequate food. When my DP was working 14 hour shifts they would either take it in turns to get a chippy or something, take in leftover meals or assorted cold/ready to heat food, why is it the women's responsibility.

TheAwfulDaughter · 20/03/2015 19:30

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Hullygully · 20/03/2015 19:30

I agree with RandomFriend, I think it's a perfectly reasonable arrangement for a group of people to make if they are all happy with it

waithorse · 20/03/2015 19:30

You might not think this situation isn't sexist op, but it is, in so many ways. It's also ridiculously stepford wifeish, can't you see that ? I would laugh at you if you suggested this cooking for the men rota to me.

I still can't believe this is real to be honest. Hmm

iklboo · 20/03/2015 19:30

I've said before - I'd be bolloxed if I would do it.

You don't have to be shit at cooking to not want to make a batch big enough to feed 20 or so blokes. I've not got any cookware big enough for that amount so I'd be at it for sodding hours. And then have to do all the bloody washing up as well. Just so poor DH wouldn't have to foray into the kitchen himself or have to warm something up? No thanks.

bbcessex · 20/03/2015 19:31

Wow.. she is fierce!
OP - if I had received your text, I would have had some words to say too but I would probably have said them in private.

That said; if her DH eats the food that has been brought in by others, I would have assumed he would have enlightened her to the situation so it shouldn't have come as a surprise....

How did you get her number?

seriouslypeedoff · 20/03/2015 19:32

OP , your reaction to the thread is great. But please explain why the single man only does a fry up? Please Smile

ocelot41 · 20/03/2015 19:32

I would throw a massive strop too. I have a ft job of my own, a young child and elderly relatives who need caring for too. Am I going to do a massive slap up meal for folks I don't even know? Am I buggery....
Good on her!

KatieKaye · 20/03/2015 19:34

If I got a text, out of the blue, inviting me to cook a meal for 20 able-bodied men I would probably think it was a wind-up.
That is a huge commitment - and I love cooking! Exactly when is this woman supposed to find the time to do that? Come home after a long day and just rustle up a meal for 20? Most people don't have industrial sized kitchens or pots and pans big enough for vats of curry.
I don't get why they have all the kitchen equipment if the little women do the cooking at home.
Why do they need a pressure cooker etc?

And why don't the men cook for themselves? I'm have a sneaking suspicion that once they'd cooked a meal for 20 they wouldn't be so keen to repeat the experiment. Surely being on nightshift is actually an ideal opportunity for them to do the feeding of 5000 as they are at home and awake in the afternoon? it doesn't make sense to delegate down to the women.

"informing" her of this arrangement by text was a really strange thing to do. By the sounds of her text she's probably on MN.

dreamingbohemian · 20/03/2015 19:35

Sorry but I guffawed at 'Like fuck am I doing that'

I don't think she really needed to call you all twats though (sexist, sure)

I agree with whoever said maybe she meant to send that reply just to her DH? If he had forwarded the text to her. She may be mortified you got it.

Icimoi · 20/03/2015 19:36

I don't understand why the OP goes out of its way to reference all the cooking equipment they have bought if most of the cooking is being done at home? Nor why she says that microwave meals take too long - surely all this stuff has to be heated up by microwave if it is in fact made at home?

And if these blokes are having all these heavy duty carbohydrate laden cooked meals plus fry-ups for breakfast it sounds incredibly unhealthy.

messyisthenewtidy · 20/03/2015 19:38

I think the reason the single man does the fry up is because it's the type of meal that features heavily in those "cooking man food for men" books.

You know, the ones where the man muffins have exactly the same ingredients as the girly cupcakes but are somehow chunkier, manlier and hence ok for men to make without fear of appearing homosexual.Grin

AlternativeTentacles · 20/03/2015 19:38

the concept of all the laydeez letting their hair down cooking spicy meals instead of fishfingers and chips!

It's genius. Absolutely comedy gold. Who knew?

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