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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
TalkinPeace · 20/03/2015 19:40

seriously
The single man does the short order cook fry up on site because he does not have the kitchen / skills to produce something to bring in

short order cook is bloody hard work so actually he's the best of them

icimoi
they are loading pallets onto trucks all night : chances are they burn every one of those calories

ocelot41 · 20/03/2015 19:40

I used to work night shifts and not once did my DP send me in with an awesome curryHmm clearly deprived. Funnily enough my female colleagues were also to be found reheating meals from Marks in the microwave. The blokes all came in with tuck boxes made by wifies at home. Don't think its gender unspecific!

ilovesooty · 20/03/2015 19:42

Yes I agree with the post upthread the more I think about it - I reckon the text was forwarded to her by her husband and she probably thought she was replying to him.

seriouslypeedoff · 20/03/2015 19:43

I am bit confused at the concept of all the laydeez letting their hair down cooking spicy meals instead of fishfingers and chips!

I am laughing so much to this. Made my evening Grin

treacleturkey · 20/03/2015 19:43

This is the most amusing thing I've read in weeks.

A right good laugh, op.

Superworm · 20/03/2015 19:44

I wish I had thought of this when I worked nights. I would have loved to come home and tell DH about the scheme where he volunteers to cook me and 20 other colleagues a home cooked meal for our night shifts Grin

PilchardPrincess · 20/03/2015 19:45

WTF and WTF and thrice WTF and even again WTAF

I just can't even comprehend of DH getting a new job and getting a text home saying that I was basically expected to cook dinner for a couple of dozen people every couple of weeks.

It's bonkers. Just..... bizarre.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 20/03/2015 19:45

Maybe she thought you were joking and sent a jokey reply? As in the language, not the sentiment. She may have thought you were having her I in the first place.

I also have no problem with the communal meal. I have a problem with the responsibility for providing said meal belonging to the women who aren't even eating it.

One final point about the "we'd ask a husband if a woman was workings there so it's not sexist". That is a bollocks argument. Bollocks because it's hypothetical and bollocks because it's extremely unlikely to happen and if it did they would still be the minority.

cleanmyhouse · 20/03/2015 19:46

I don't think it was an epic fuck up op, I think you made a fairly ill judged assumption which really did come across a bit stepford and I think you should leave it to the menfolk to sort out themselves, I mean surely they could go a-huntin and a-fishin. I don't think you deserve to be called a twat though.

I can't think it would hurt to text back saying that you're sorry to have offended her, it's just something you've been doing for years and you were trying to introduce her to the group, but realise how badly it could have been perceived...or something.

BUT...that line about the single bloke making a fry up? Seriously? Couldn't he make a nice quiche or something? Those fry ups can't be good for them. And I bet they drink high sugar drinks with (GASP) fructose!

MrsDeVere · 20/03/2015 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RumbleMum · 20/03/2015 19:46

OP, you've been very gracious in your responses to this thread. Agree with PP that it's the fact you assumed the new employee's wife would be responsible that's the issue. I'd be extremely unhappy with getting a text like that. Her reply was extremely rude though - there are a million polite ways to have made the same point.

Thinking of having the vaginas/balls quote done in needlepoint and hung on the wall. Grin

wigglesrock · 20/03/2015 19:47

My husband works night shifts in the emergency services, not once has it occurred to any of the partners to a) organise a rota to cook for them or b) text each other from our partners phone. My husband and anyone who feels like it cooks a big pot of curry, chilli, soup, stew etc and brings it in with them. They do the cooking because they want to, they have the time before going into work and because it's their responsibility. This shift rota of partners cooking for colleagues is bizarre and like fuck I would is an expression I use quite a lot and it seems very apt in this set up.

KaffeOgKage · 20/03/2015 19:48

I don't believe she sent the text "like fuck I'm doing that, what a bunch of 1950s twats you all sound".

Even if this thread is not a total wind up, I doubt she'd be bothered making enemies out of a bunch of 1950s twats. What has the time to make extra enemies.

If I'd received the text you sent OP, I would have said ''ha ha that's hilarious, I love cooking for thirty, it's great fun". So, all in good humour..............

Jackieharris · 20/03/2015 19:52

Tonight DH did all the housework and bathed the kids and put them to bed watching dvd.

And I hope he got a medal for his efforts. What a gem you have there.

Incidentally my mum worked nights every week for 15 years. My dad (who can cook and cooked 2/3 nights a week) never once cooked her a meal for night shift.

It's not surprising none of them appear to be vegetarians is it? That'd put a cat amongst the pidgeons!

This thread has been fun!

TheAwfulDaughter · 20/03/2015 19:52

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bumbleymummy · 20/03/2015 19:52

I'm with TalkinPeace on page 4. I think bringing in a meal sounds like a good idea but it should have been the team member who was approached about the meal-bringing arrangement and it's up to them, as a couple, to decide if he wants to cook or if she does.

I haven't got to the end of the thread yet so it may have moved on a bit!

eggyface · 20/03/2015 19:54

My FIL used to have a "reading circle " where a group of male friends all met each month at one person's house and discussed high falutin philosophy. Each meeting the wife of the host would cook a three course meal for 12. She served it and was judged on its quality (!!) but wasn't invited to share...
That was in the 1970s, when the assumption was most women cooked for their husbands all the time.

That's what feels so weird to me about this one - it never crossed the mind of OP that there might be some women who don't take responsibility for what hubby eats, these days. Yes, in a neutral world the request is just because it would be a "nice thing yo do for your partner". But I can't believe OP didn't see how different a request it is, set against the backdrop of 50 years' struggle to get women out of the kitchen.

eggyface · 20/03/2015 19:55

That's if it's real

Enormouse · 20/03/2015 19:55

Hang on, how is it exciting to make spicy food if you don't even get to eat it?

If I'm cooking for 20, I'm bloody well eating some of it.

molyholy · 20/03/2015 19:56

[Grin] Grin I have spent a full half hour reading this thread. Hilarious Grin Grin

seriouslypeedoff · 20/03/2015 19:56

theawfuldaughter Do it!!! Push the boat out and throw caution to the wind! WinkGrin

AliceMcGee · 20/03/2015 19:58

this is like flipping cricket teas where wives/girlfriends/mothers have to go on the rota to give up Friday night and Saturday making a variety of sandwiches cakes and scones. and then Saturday afternoon serving it to dozens of people.
where are the hubby s when the ladies team play?

ihatelego · 20/03/2015 20:01

that reply made me cry with laughter!

TheAwfulDaughter · 20/03/2015 20:04

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Fairenuff · 20/03/2015 20:05

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.

Don't you feed the kids on those days then OP?