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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
DoJo · 20/03/2015 19:12

I still don't understand why this isn't dealt with by the people who are actually involved?! Why didn't someone just tell the new team member about this system and let him impart the information to his wife so that they can decide between themselves whether they want to be a part of it and who would be doing the cooking if so.
For me, the sexism comes from the assumption that if his wife doesn't want to join in, there is no possible way her husband would, or that there is no option for the men on shift to pass on this information themselves. Instead, the wives have to manage the whole thing between them without the menfolk even being a part of communicating about it when the whole thing is for their benefit in the first place!

TalkinPeace · 20/03/2015 19:12

FWIW
when my team all used to go away for two weeks and then home for one night and then away for another two weeks
on the evening we all (25 of us) arrived back at the airport
all of those with wives and children used to coordinate decorating the blerdy arrivals lounge small airport with welcome home banners
sexist maybe
but was dead cute and fab team building

working nights is a hard job
the team have found a way to make it work better

THEY have cocked up on welcoming this new chap
THEY will make it better

personally I suspect Pipers DH is in the utilities industry

LucilleBluth · 20/03/2015 19:13

This thread is fantastic. OP , the text/ situation is hugely sexist. If I recieved a text like thT I would die laughing.

alicemalice · 20/03/2015 19:13

Yes, the reply does sound unbelievable.

iklboo · 20/03/2015 19:15

OP says her DH & team load lorries.

TalkinPeace · 20/03/2015 19:15

Piper
YOU have not fucked up.
Your DH and his team have.
You know what he has to do.
Hide this thread and pour yourself a glass of wine.
He can get his own Wink

seriouslypeedoff · 20/03/2015 19:15

I am do confused. I get the communal meal idea and think its great. My team used to do this. What I don't get is why the men's partners are the ones that organise this and why you sent the text to her. Surely if he wants to be involved it should be up to him and if she choose to cook the meal for him if she wants to.

By sending the text to her, you have said its her responsibility to fo it he wants to take part. Whilst I don't think its sexist (as you say a female staff members husband would b asked also) you made it appear sexist because your assumption was that if he wanted to be involve, its her job to provide it.

As for the 'one man is single so does an English breakfast' I don't get the connection between the two.

CaptainHolt · 20/03/2015 19:15

I wouldn't have said "Like fuck am I doing that" in a text but if the proposition had been made to my face, and I hadn't been rendered speechless then I probably would have said it out loud.

I likely would have ignored the text, as in not replied. I wouldn't have literally ignored it, I would have opened it every few minutes to check it was real and screen shotted it to send to my sisters.

DoJo · 20/03/2015 19:15

Million cross posts - her response was very rude, but I would have basically been wording the same sentiment in a slightly more diplomatic way.

LowryFan · 20/03/2015 19:16

Maybe she thought she was replying to her DH, after all the message went from OP to OP husband to New Colleague Husband to New Colleague Husband Wife.

It's the sort of reply I would send my DH if he suggested this.

capsium · 20/03/2015 19:16

You should have a discussion with the other wives/partners to dish out the punishment (meals) until you get some reciprocal manual work done from your team of men. Gardening, building work, decorating, etc.

Let me see,

1)spam, baked beans and packet mash
2)tinned mince, tinned peas and packet mash
3) corned beef, tinned carrots and tinned potatoes
4) pilchards, spaghetti hoops and boiled potatoes
5)tinned hot dog sausages, packet mash, gravy granule instant gravy, tinned peas

Hullygully · 20/03/2015 19:16

I don't think her reply was that rude. Intemperate perhaps, but to the point and plain as you like.

messyisthenewtidy · 20/03/2015 19:16

OP, don't worry though. You've done what you've done. If she really sent you that text I would send a simple jokey "I'll take that as a no then Grin" and leave it at that.

I wouldn't call it an epic fuck up by any account..

timeaftertimeagain · 20/03/2015 19:17

"The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect."

This cracks me up. It's just so kind of these big lorry-loading men to allow you to be freed from the drudgery of cooking up children's food and really let your hair down cooking up big, manly meals.

I also don't believe she swore at you, you'd have put that in the OP if it were true.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 20/03/2015 19:17

"Like fuck am I doing that, what a bunch of sexiest 1950 twats you all sound."

With balls like that she'd probably not be able to make stew anyway Grin

I think OP that, as The Kidz say, "you got pwned"...

CaptainHolt · 20/03/2015 19:18

The reply could easily be from the new team member. The woman might be oblivious.

timeaftertimeagain · 20/03/2015 19:19

Also, she hasn't "pulled a strop" wording it in that way makes it sounds like her declining your 'invitation' is in some way unreasonable. That is not pulling a strop/being sullen/however you want to put the blame on her.

She has quite rightly pointed out your inherent sexism and rudeness.

kavv0809 · 20/03/2015 19:20

Still reading the thread, got to

MAKE A STEW, SINGLE MAN, DAMN YOU

  • Hullygully just made me snort with laughter and wake my sleeping baby.
timeaftertimeagain · 20/03/2015 19:20

(I bloody love this thread though)

Camolips · 20/03/2015 19:20

I wonder if it was actually the DH who texted back the fuck off reply? Maybe he had sanitised what his wife was spluttering beside him?

AlternativeTentacles · 20/03/2015 19:20

I agree the new wife is totally awesome with knobs on.

Who knows, one day all wives will stop cooking all the men's meals on a rota. We can but dream.

timeaftertimeagain · 20/03/2015 19:22

I just have one more question.

At the work's Christmas party do all the women go to the buffet and load the plates up for the men for them?

AlternativeTentacles · 20/03/2015 19:22

Love the fact that you thought everyone on here would go 'ooh go for her, she pulled a strop at that? How very dare she'...

kavv0809 · 20/03/2015 19:23

New favourite line from Teeb

'Vaginas don't cook stew any better than a pair of balls.'

I'm never going to settle this baby down.

RandomFriend · 20/03/2015 19:23

your arrangement does sound ridiculous

I don't agree. OP's arrangements sound fantastic and very efficient. Cooking once every 20 shifts sounds much better than everyone buying a sandwich or microwave meal. Much better than 20 people (whether they do it themselves or have someone do it for them) bringing something that has to be heated separately.

Yes, there are some sexist assumptions around who is capable of cooking what, but the arrangements are good if everyone likes them - or at least prefers these arrangements to any alternatives they have.