This isn't sexist at all.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

Just seen that's been asked already.

no one would care if the man cooked the group meal

Obviously you haven't read the previous contributions sufficiently closely.

Social pressure or not, it had not even occurred to the OP before sending the text to new woman, that this could be perceived or felt as a sexist or contentious arrangement.

This thread will have enlightened her to that possibility. Next step would be to go back to the group and discuss how best to ensure new starters (or those who wish to opt out) can do so without being perceived or treated as "stroppy mares".

Erm, whatever that word was in my one before last post, it's supposed to be 'wives'.

Nkt - not

Ilovesooty - I think you may have missed a couple. The OP said that herself (last night iirc).

Piper, you said "DH does my sandwiches every time I am in work at the same time as doing his own, even when he is on a night shift."

So yesterday you said he makes sarnies for night shift and yet today he doesn't?

I know the OP said it. I'd suggest that her perception only. Plenty has been said about the potential pressure to conform which you may have missed.

I didn't miss it.

I think it was between the NW and her husband. If she didn't want to do it she could have said so, but not in a way that was rude and critical of the other women's choices. I think it was up to the NW whether she objected or not. I don't see it as an insult that Op has to apologise for over a drink, as a pp suggested.

Btw, it isn't every few weeks. It's every few months, owing to the shift pattern.

I think your issue is with NW's dh, not Op. I think Op is the informal leader of the group who keeps things on track. I'm pretty sure new man would have been aware that his wife would be getting a phone call.

I think Op was acting with the best of intentions and shouldn't feel bad about offending new wife. I hope the arrangement continues as long as the contributors are happy with the it.

Whether you or I would be happy to do it is beside the point. I think there are more women like Op in life outside Mumsnet than is generally realised. I doubt if Op will be posting about sexism in the future.

Thymeout

Well no, still weird really.
Team building would be if one of the team cook for the others.
Like when my sons team at uni had to work on a project all night and he took in sandwiches and cakes etc = team building
If he'd assumed I would do it = weird

Thymeout I think we established several pages ago that the NW was probably directing her comments to her partner. There has not been any direct communication between the women, it was all done on husbands phones. Yes she sounded rude, but think I may have used some choice words if I'd had a similar message from a work colleague of my DHs to his phone suggesting my husband wasn't capable of feeding himself competently unless I stood up to the mark.

Sorry, my pp was in answer to Orlando.

pagwatch - I meant all sitting round and eating what members of the team have produced on a rota is team-building. It's more subtle than a set task.

Different households, different routines. If the wife usually does the shopping and cooking, easier for her to do it. Husband makes up for it in other ways. Yes, she's cooking for more than her dh, but he is getting fed by somebody else on the other 19 nights, when she doesn't have to cook.

Speaking as someone who did two sittings for most of my married life, I can see the attraction. A night shift is not the same as 9-5 but in the dark.

No - the idea that the text was to her partner was entirely pp's assumption to try to explain her rudeness.

The text was from Op to the wife. Op has replied using a pp's suggested response. She didn't have NW's phone number. She used her dh's phone because new man's number was on it.

If nw has misread the message as coming from her husband, she owes him an apology.

Well yes, if they have predominately cooked it themselves.

There is no point in rejoicing in the camaraderie of the shared meal whilst ignoring the weirdness of a group of 30 men, none of whom can apparently produce pulled pork or a slow cooker stew.

sorry, I mean 'coming from op's husband'.

I am with the wife of the new team member on this.

The op said that dh has to phone a takeaway if she is in hospital or ill, it is sexist to assume that a vagina comes with a book of slow cooker recipes...

so - have you replied to her text yet? be interesting to see what you put and her reply

Well yes, you can't possibly expect your son to be a doctor AND a cook. He's only got one brain!

And of course no vagina to enable effective cooking. Perhaps you should have bought him a George Forman grill to cook fry ups.

Sorry had to ask for my comment on family to be withdrawn, could have easily been identified in real life, but glad Annie and Sooty read it

Any suggestions for what the blokes could cook?

Maybe cock au van?

spotted dick ?

Making a meal as a team may be team building
Eating a meal as a team, where that meal is cooked by a third party, may encourage team bonding but it is not team building. Bonding is only a part of team building