This isn't sexist at all.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

Or she may, as she said, have just wanted her to feel involved/included. (Obviously in a misguided way)but she's admitted that already) I don't think she deserves some of the comments on this thread.

Good post thymeout.

thymeout

If the wife of your husband's work colleague sent you a text asking you if you would like to join in the food making rota for his 20 work colleagues, how would you have reacted?

Can you see why someone might possibly be offended and pissed off by that?

Or isn't she allowed to be upset and impolite because she's a woman and she isn't expected to be upset?

She could have declined politely. Or she could have said "Why are you sending me a text asking me to cook for my husband and his colleagues?"

no, it's still weird.

Definitely wierd
Why send a text from her DHs phone instead of her own phone to contact new wife?
Why wasn't this dealt with between DH and his colleague, as it's got nothing to do with the other cooking women unless and until a new person joins the rota?
Why does working nights mean you can do nothing else except sleep ?
And why does DH make sandwiches for himself and OP when he's on nights and us going to have that hit, spicy, homemade meal ?

Haaa! Christina I nearly said that! Sorry for late reply was attempting to get foul in oven with my penis.

Not going anywhere near George Formby with it though.

I thought OP's DH made the sandwiches when he was on day shifts, which is most of the time. It's only when the thing he does five days a week is done overnight that they can't hack it without hot food, apparently. Maybe the night shift is longer, or interferes with dinner time, to be fair. You can't tell your tummy that it isn't getting its usual main meal because it's the last Friday in the month; it's going to grumble. That said, a good well-stuffed sandwich can be very sustaining, surely? If it's not enough, double up on the quantity, add a sausage roll, an apple and a Mars bar and you're good to go on all day. Or, in this case, night.

It was an invitation, not an order.

I think there's probably quite a bit of socialising between the women. She was introducing herself. Didn't want NW to think they were a clique.

Man/woman, I don't think anyone should react to a text in such a nasty way. I'd like to know what part MW's husband has played in this. Am sure the text would not have come out of the blue.

KatieKay - my dh did all-night shifts, three in a row, high pressure office environment. Media news. Left home at 7p.m. Back at 11 a.m. Really messes with your body clock. Then you have to get back to normal for your days off.

He had a 24 hr canteen. They don't. OP only does this every 3 months. Sometimes her dh works days. That's when he makes the sandwiches, for her as well as himself.

There's a whole different world out there that you're unaware of.

She said he makes them even when on nights, which struck me as strange.

Annie - I'm sure they are capable of working out for themselves what a sustainable packed lunch might consist of.

But they prefer the system that has been working well for years.

All she had to do was say No. Nicely. I doubt if she's advanced the feminist cause.

O right, missed that. Maybe he's just really good at making sandwiches. Or maybe he's a control freak who thinks she will use too much ham if she does them herself. Or loathes curry but doesn't have the heart to tell her...

I'm sure they are capable of working out for themselves what a sustainable packed lunch might consist of.

I'm sure they are, and no doubt a communal curry is nicer. It's just the suggestion that a bunch of grown men couldn't be expected to tote pallets on a night shift without hot food that seemed way over the top IMO. It isn't the heat that makes the nutritional value, is it - or am I missing something? Disclaimer: I am not a nutritionist.

All she had to do was say No. Nicely. I doubt if she's advanced the feminist cause.

For a start we have yet to establish whether the woman intended the unexpurgated version to be forwarded to the OP - she may not have done, and been mortified and now feel unable to face the rest of the wives. Or she may indeed be a rude caaaah, in which case she probably couldn't give a shit whether she advanced the cause of feminism or indeed miffed 18 women she hadn't even met. I can't speak for her. I did, however, opine yesterday that "fuck off" would have been my first reaction on receiving an "invitation" of that sort, although by the time I'd painstakingly typed it out (I am not adept with mobile phones) I'd probably have simmered down a bit. Never text in anger is quite a good rule of thumb(s).

I know we are not supposed to 'troll hunt' but is this thread really genuine?
OUt of all these colleagues, what none of them are women, gay or not interested in communal meals? and all these men go to work to have a slap up meal? Don't beleive a word of it.

sunny - a pp has mentioned a similar set up - loading lorries - where a wife stepped in with an emergency picnic when the system broke down.

It doesn't seem improbable to me because I can remember a time when GB still had some heavy industry -(thankyou, Maggie) - where men worked in a team in a job which women physically couldn't do/wouldn't want to do. Coal, steel, ship-building, docks etc.

Perhaps that's the answer. They're doing a 1950's job, with a 1950's support system, but with 2015 gadgets.

I've no idea what private arrangements people make to be able to join in, but in the general scheme of things, does it matter? It's just an amplified version of the tea/coffee/biscuit clubs that crop up in offices.

MrsDV - I was using it to point out the contradictions between calling an arrangement where women cook for men 'sexist' and '1950s- like' because cooking is considered stereotypical 'women's work' but not deeming SAHM arrangements sexist/1950s even though that role also involves stereotypical 'women's work'. I think some posters gave the OP an unnecessarily hard time about an arrangement which she said people were happy with. (Yes, I realise that she could have been lying but why assume the worst?)

Sunny- you really don't think it's possible to have a group of 20 straight men in one work place?

lol - yes it is possible but not probable

She probably isn't lying in saying everyone's happy with it, but if it hasn't been reviewed lately she probably doesn't know. I think Silver has hit the nail on the head. There's probably a lot of peer pressure on both women and men not to rock the boat and step out of line. Hence the judgement on the new wife for refusing to play ball.

And yet still weird.

Can't help there, Pagwatch. But isn't it weird in a good way?

'A family that eats together, stays together'? Team-building in a more congenial way than going off paint-balling in the woods on a management whim. This is work as a 4 letter word, not a career. Nice to have something tasty to look forward to.

It's only the new wife who's objecting. And if she'd phrased her reply more pleasantly, it wouldn't have been an issue. Perhaps her dh would have found another way of contributing to the communal meal.

Ilovesooty - but no one would care if the man cooked the group meal so why should there be pressure to conform?

He does MY SANDWICHES when on nights, he doesn't take sandwiches in on nights.

thymeout

Do you think the new wife shouldn't have objected?

Do you understand why she objected?

Perhaps her dh would have found another way of contributing to the communal meal.

Yes. It had nothing to do with the OP who should have kept out of it. (as she has accepted).

The DH should have come home and said - it seems we all make a communal meal every few weeks.

If the DH had expected her to make it, that is sexist. If the wife said, that sounds nice. I'll help you, that's not sexist.

Are all the wiceszef SAHMs? If yes, then it's nkt surprising they cook IT. If not, then it's just bizarre.

I think the communal hot meal idea is genius. Those who are asking why they need a cooked meal at all, aren't thinking through the ramifications of working night shifts. You are completely out of synch with everyone else in your home. You get home when they are having breakfast. You leave when they are having dinner. It's really fucking awkward to be cooking dinners when everyone else is running around making toast and trying to get ready to leave for the day. Lots of night workers end up getting takeaway or junk food or going to an early morning market cafe for a meal. Expensive and not healthy.

DP's done some jobs where there is a 12 hour night shift. So leaving home at 5pm and getting home at 7am. He's knackered. He goes straight to bed. He could of course do himself a 'dinner' before he leaves for work but to his body it's breakfast time and he doesn't want it.

Middle of the night shift is the best time for people (men or women) to have their big meal, as breakfast and lunch type meals are lighter and fit in better with the rest of their life.

But of course it's wrong to just assume the partners will provide it. DP could get up a 2pm, grab a 'breakfast' and then cook a big meal to take in when he leaves at 5. And yes, a lot of night shifts don't really leave time for anything much beyond work and sleep.