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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
OrlandoWoolf · 22/03/2015 21:32

I've done night shifts.

You don't sleep all day and then go to work. I could have sworn I had time in the afternoon.

Have you ever been unable to make it - due to other committments? If so , what happened?

Has he ever offered to cook for you? If not, then he kind of expects it and has got used to it. If you're tired, will he make it?

ilovesooty · 22/03/2015 21:32

Yes Silver I imagine these men have their manly reputation to maintain. I suspect you're right.

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/03/2015 21:33

I do regular day shifts in work.

DH does my sandwiches every time I am in work at the same time as doing his own, even when he is on a night shift.

While I cook like this every 3 months, it always lands on my day off so I have time.

I do all the cooking in this house plus all the day-day cleaning.

The weekends DH and I do it together. DH also does all the gardening

OP posts:
SilverBirch2015 · 22/03/2015 21:33

Piper, surely many of the women sleep and go to work too. It is possible to also cook on the same day? Confused

Christinayang1 · 22/03/2015 21:35

I don't get the feeling that the new dw is going to be chuffed with the Christmas bonus getting spent on communal cooking appliances

OrlandoWoolf · 22/03/2015 21:36

Well, I would love to see what the situation and the reality is in the other houses.

But yes - next time someone joins, I wouldn't ring the wife and see if she wants to participate. I'd leave that to the man.

"Darling, guess what. Everyone brings in a hot meal for 20 every couple of weeks. "

"That's nice. You know where the cooker is".

OrlandoWoolf · 22/03/2015 21:37

It's a good thing a woman hasn't joined. I wonder what she would be expected to do.

Christinayang1 · 22/03/2015 21:40

Aside from everything else it seems a lot of hassle. Why can't either you or dh freeze some leftovers from the family meal and he can take that in for himself

TendonQueen · 22/03/2015 21:41

I still don't get, sorry OP, how it can be every 3 months when it's 20 people taking turns. Isn't that every 3 weeks?

Christinayang1 · 22/03/2015 21:43

I think they only work nights occasionally

PunkrockerGirl · 22/03/2015 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bumbleymummy · 22/03/2015 21:44

Cognitive dissonance ilovesooty Wink It's completely relevant given the comments some people have made.

bumbleymummy · 22/03/2015 21:45

Again silver - I'm not sure what you think I'm saying. (Re your post about feminism giving us choices)

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/03/2015 21:46

When I had my op or been unwell then I ask someone else to do it or DH will order a takeaway.

OP posts:
ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 22/03/2015 21:46

i really, really don't get the issue everyone has.

i wouldn't have been offended by the text, i would have just politely declined.

i don't mind sending in biscuits/cakes/mince pies with DH if i've been baking (his shift team is 6), but i wouldn't batch cook dinner for them!

Christinayang1 · 22/03/2015 21:47

And there it is.....

OrlandoWoolf · 22/03/2015 21:49

When I had my op or been unwell then I ask someone else to do it or DH will order a takeaway

So he can't cook or won't cook.

Maybe he needs to learn to cook. What would happen if you separated or got ill? Or your hours changed?

wellysrule · 22/03/2015 21:49

Bit late to the thread but I think this is a great idea. I don't see it as sexist at all, a relationship is all about each of you doing what you can to ease each others lives. In this case OP can, and is happy to, batch cook for her partner, to ease his and his work friends' lives. Nowt wrong with that at all. I would do the same. And means you only have to think about night shift meals every so often. Win Win.

ilovesooty · 22/03/2015 21:50

So he couldn't possibly do it himself then? I've almost reached the point of words failing me.

ilovesooty · 22/03/2015 21:52

So this is a man who will throw together a few sandwiches but won't cook. I bet he was only too keen for you to use his phone to contact the new wife through his colleague.

bumbleymummy · 22/03/2015 21:52

Punk rocker - if you had an issue with something I said on another thread you should have brought it up with me then. I think it's a bit 'arsey' to bring up other threads and carry around grudges and usually people get called out on that type of thing.

bumbleymummy · 22/03/2015 21:52

Piper, I hunk you've been given an unnecessarily hard time on this thread. Good for you for coming back to it.

bumbleymummy · 22/03/2015 22:00

Some people can't cook/don't enjoy cooking. Why does that automatically make the husband sexist?

Thymeout · 22/03/2015 22:04

It's a good idea, it works for them. I like the cooperative and communal spirit behind it. Sounds a good place to work.

And there's nothing wrong with people, of either gender, doing nice things for their partners. OP is cooking for 20, but her OP gets a hot home-cooked meal every night shift, so it all evens out. And saves money.

How would getting her dp to interrupt his sleep to do his own cooking advance the cause of marital happiness? He does all the gardening. Is that sexist?

As for stroppy new wife, I'd be more inclined to be sympathetic to her if she learnt some manners.

OrlandoWoolf · 22/03/2015 22:07

As for stroppy new wife, I'd be more inclined to be sympathetic to her if she learnt some manners.

So how should she have declined the invitation?

We all cook a hot dinner so our men can have a hot dinner in the evening. Do you want to join in?

If the "stroppy" woman had posted that on AIBU, I can imagine she'd have been given lots of ways to respond to that request. I bet some of them wouldn't have been that polite.