AIBU to say I won't be visiting MIL with LO?

[UghReally]

I'm 11 weeks with me and oh's first.
Me and oh have been together for 3 going on 4 years(4 years next month).
When me and OH first met, Oh was still living at home so he had me stay there one weekend while mil wasn't there. MIL came home on the last day (I was there with MIL for 4 hours so not crazy long) all seemed well and we had a little laugh and joke. I went home and got a text off OH saying "I've got some bad news" i asked what and was told "Mum doesn't want you here again. You left a cup on the side and didn't bleach the toilet after using it, she thinks you've disrespected her home and she started on me the second she knew you were gone" OH accepted this was completely unreasonable. I never went there again and OH moved out 6 weeks after that incident. He still sees his mother but i never go there, I've seen her since at family gatherings and the like. the last time I saw her about 4 months ago was at a darts event that my OH was playing at. I walked to the bar where she was and said "hiya" 5 times, each time she looked at me then looked away so she heard me but just didn't reply.
She point blank refuses to ever talk to me at these events despite how many times I've gone and sat next to her, bought her a drink, said hi etc etc etc. I've given up trying now seeing as i have every few months(at least) in the last 3 years. OH told MIL this morning that i'm pregnant. She's decided she wants me to bring the baby up to see her every week at least once a week, she wants either me or oh to bring the baby to her house within 24hrs of being born OR for her to be at the hospital (fuck no).
I know i'm not being unreasonable about saying no to the above request i dont have a car, oh does but sometimes works away and does work mon-sat/sun so the car wont be available, she lives 55 miles away and im not doing public transport straight after birth, or at all with a young baby tbh.
This is the aibu.
I don't want to be going there, at all, with LO after how MIL has treated me and seeing how she treated sil when sil had her baby (Mils only gc at present) sil being oh's brothers long term partner.
She has treated me like what a dog wouldn't lick because nearly 4 years ago I had a wee, didn't bleach the bog (Does anyone after a wee?!) and left a (Clean!) cup on the kitchen side!
I refuse to go somewhere where I feel hostility toward myself and I refuse to let my baby go nearly 60 miles away from me on a weekly basis to keep such a cruel woman happy(especially if im breastfeeding etc) i also do not want this woman in my home, as she never has been. She's constantly pushed me away no matter how many times i've tried to make amends (when in my mind i did nothing wrong) and now that im pregnant shes attempting to push me around like she did SIL (And SIL, with a now 4 month old lo is still suffering this)
AIBU to say fuck off you're having nothing to do with my LO?

YANBU at all, what a toxic woman. You need to sort this out with dh, and for dh to relay this to his mother. She needs to put in a lot of effort with you, if she wants to see her gc, not just expect it on a plate after she has treated you. I personally would relay that to her myself.

YADNBU she sounds completely barking and really, really controlling.

In the early days after birth you are vulnerable and emotional so should only agree to let in people who love you unconditionally and are 100 per cent supportive and who bring cake

Please explain to you OH that you will want time to 'nest' with your baby. HIS job is to guard the door and make sure nothing stressful comes near which would detract from that special bonding time.

I hope you love snuggling with you new baby - congratulations!

Tell her to fucking do one. She can't treat you like shit and then expect to get dibs on your child. She can treat you with some damn respect before she gets to have anything to do with your child!

I am so angry on your behalf. YANBU, obviously

WOW.

WOW

Astonishing.

Why hasnt your DH gently said to his DM, " Mum I understand you want to see the baby, but you do realise after the way you have banned X from your home, and subsequently treated her that she wont want the baby here, I am sorry but she wont."

i cant figure anything out that i could've ever done in all my life to make her feel the way she so obviously does toward me

What have any of us done to these sorts of MILS, we took their sons away, apparently.

You must not relent under any circumstances.

Unless Mil, comes to your door, laden with flowers, presents and apologies and a long sincere and honest explanation as to why she cruelly turned on you for no reason all those years ago.

You disrespected her house, she has disrespected you another human being, and therefore you will not be exposing your baby to her.

YANBU

You simply cannot do this. And should not.
Having a 6 day old baby myself at present - no way in hell would I be travelling anywhere within the foreseeable future - even if they were my best friend.

The only people you need around at that time are the closest ones to you. The ones who will make you food, feed you whilst you have no hands as you're feeding baby, and accept that you are physically and emotionally frail and do everything they can to help - that does not include sitting cuddling baby - that's your job - it involves doing the housework etc!

There is no way any child of mine would be in the same room as someone who treated me like this for even a minute.

"No," change subject.
Not, "Sorry, no because..." or "No because.....Sorry,"
If your partner tries to justify the decision, it will be used against you.
YOU must not reply to any of the negotiations, it must always be DP otherwise it gives MIL ammunition to use against you.
But the outcome of the request to you going to MIL' s house just needs to be, "No," you don't need to justify it, she already knows the reason.

Question: Does she want to see her grandchild so much that she has given you a personal, unreserved apology & promised to change her behaviour towards you?
No?
Then you have your answer.
Baby will be used as another pawn in her quest for domination & control. There's no love involved, just her quest for power.
You are at your most vulnerable, make sure that DP puts YOU & baby 1st, before all others.
You really don't need this sht in the run up to your first birth, don't get involved, it's not happening, simple as.

I have a similarily nightmarish MIL who has been nasty as hell for no reason. It came to a head when she kept asking to DD but only through OH (who works 70 hours a week and his 2 days off we spend as a family with DSD). OH refused and said no it needs to be sorted with me to see DD, as in she needs to see her through me because he just doesn't have the time. Apparantly we are blackmailing her and I've turned him away from his family and I have banned her from seeing DD.

then I emailed her saying she is more than welcome to see DD and gave her three dates to choose from.. lo and behold she refused because she wouldn't see me. Obviously doesn't want to see her grandchild if she's not prepared to see her through me!!

Stand your ground and make sure OH is supportive. He needs to speak to her though, not you as I have found that everything and anything I say is me being vicious and nasty and me forcing him!!

Fuck no. Your MIL can fuck right off. She has banned you from her house, completely ignores you and is a complete psycho bitch to you and then she makes all these demands of your baby? Again - fuck no.

Once she starts treating YOU with respect and apologises for being such a crappy person, then you can maybe consider a very slow reconciliation but to be honest, if it were me, there'd be no second chance - not after 4 years of treating you like crap.

You reap what you sow and I would not subject my precious baby to that toxic woman. And your OH needs to man up and tell her that her demands will not be met and tell her that it's all her own fault. I don't understand people who think they can treat someone so bad, but then when a baby comes along they expect you to just put up and shut up and abide by their unreasonable demands.

So in short - she can fuck right off. I would just completely cut contact with her and it's not unreasonable to never let her see LO either. You need to sort this out with your OH now, long before the baby comes along. You will be very vulnerable, exhausted and your emotions will be all over the place once the baby comes along. You do not need to be dealing with MIL's crap on top of everything else.