aibu re dh, ILs and church

[Holden10]

DH and his parents and brother are very religious and attend church weekly. I was born into this religion but felt very open minded about my own beliefs. When I met dh, he neglected to tell me he was a church goer and I had to find out from his drunken DM one night 'he hasn't been to church with us once since he met you...' I was as although not a church goer myself I certainly have no issue with anyone else going! After a while of him going alone he asked me to go with him as a one off. Then we got engaged and he wanted to marry in this church so we 'had to go every week just until we are married'. Fast forward a year and I have got myself stuck in a cycle where we go once every two weeks, with his family. This whole process has made me realise I am completely atheist and do not want to attend church any longer. It is totally not my thing and I disbelieve the whole lot. That is a personal view though and I don't have a problem with dh going to church. Aibu to tell him I just don't want to go anymore? He is a dream and is very unlikely to be upset by this, as he knows I wasnt religious to start with. His family would really be peeved though! Possibly relevant, I am 30 weeks pg and whilst happy for baby to be baptised into this religion I certainly won't be dragging myself and a newborn baby to church week on week... I am desperate for some perspective on this. Thanks for reading!!

I don't see why it should turn in to a fight. They are aware that you didn't go to church before. You aren't stopping them going to church.
I would tell your husband what you have decided and tell him that you don't want his parents to try and bully or manipulate you in to going and to respect your right to your own opinion on religion.
If they bring it up say a couple of sentences and tell them you don't wish to have an argument or feel bullied.

OP is an adult! Just tell them politely that you are not going. No need to argue. DH can take the baby and the baby can make up its own mind when older.

I've recently left the church havong previously been very involved and a strong Christian. We married in church despite DH being a non-believer and honest with the vicar. He came to a few things and actually did an alpha course in early marriage. I dont like infant baptism so we had a thanksgiving for our eldest (which DH attended along with almost everyone we knew - DC1 had been a long time coming!) It sounds like OP, like my DH isnt anti-religion and sees that it brings something to her partners life. Church did a lot to help me get thru illness and DH and I are greatful to those people. I recently stopped believing and therefore attending church. Some of those people are still dear friends, none have become enemies. I don't feel the need to go at Easter but would still go to something if someone wanted me to (eg nieces confimation). Mainly I am amazed how free my weekends are.

One piece of advice to OP, just tell them you are leaving. Don't pretend. Own your decision. It makes you seem more sure and lets people know what to expect. How they react is their problem (everyone in my life was lovely) - but at least they will know you are sure of yourself.

I was raised as a Roman Catholic as was my ex. Which was wierd as my parents never went but wanted to look like they did, so I had to bring the newsletter home every week so they could talk about what was going on. Bearing in mind this was between my being 7 - 11 with two younger siblings. I used to go weekly with my ex until I realised I disagreed with so much that the RC church preached.

I started only going for Easter and Christmas. More as support for her than a belief in the church.

Now I don't go at all. I can't stand all that sanctimonious crap. They've started singing a lot and that makes me shudder, and when they do the 'let us offer each other the sign of peace' you have everyone and their dog walking round shaking hands when I don't want to.

And you're expected to pay for the 'privilige'! And bearing in mind the primary school my grandson goes to is RC funded and what they spend, I know they don't really need the money

It is obvious that DH's parents haven't let go and he lets them get away with it. There is no need for you to get involved. Just state politely that you have left the church and you are not going. No need to explain or justify.

YANBU.

My DH is a committed atheist and I am a committed Catholic. He didn't care that I wanted DD to go to a RC school, be baptised and attend church with me because he doesn't believe in my faith or God so his attitude is, "Who cares what she does with DD as DD can always see faith for the sham it is renounce it all when she's older!" . He loves his long runs and chill out time on Sunday mornings!

None of his family or mine are Church goers but they've been fine with DD going to Church. I've been honest to them about my beliefs as have they and we rarely talk about it.

DH enjoys coming to Church with DD on special occasions like Easter, Christmas carols, school Mass events. He sees it as a cultural as opposed to a spiritual events which suits us as a family.

Own your decision

Yes, absolutely.

YANBU OP. You have been incredibly supportive of your DP's religious beliefs, but they're not for you. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Own your decision .... I second that!

No need to make your pregnancy/baby an excuse, as you'll be in the same position when baby is here and and having to make a stand then instead.

Easier said than done I know though, I didn't have situations like this cracked for years. It's something you have to learn to do. I ended up in all sorts of situations where I wanted to say no and couldn't. The fear of the anticipated reaction was always worse than the actual reaction when I did make a stand. It's not easy to do though when you are someone who doesn't like conflict or challenging someone.