…to not want DH to go for promotion?

[DesandDaphne]

Bit of background, we have 2 DD’s (3 and 1 month). DH works FT and I am intending to go back PT once maternity leave is up.

DH is office based sales, and although occasionally does work in the evenings and at weekends, is pretty much a 9 – 5.00pm kind of guy. He works a 5 minute drive from home so is usually home by 5.15pm, meaning he has a good few hours with the girls, helps with the cooking and housework, takes it in turns to do bath & bed and gives me some much needed time in the morning to get myself together.

He’s happy in his job but like most people, feels he should push himself further to help both his career and to provide for his family. A job opening has just come up for a job he feels he could do and it’s been hinted at that it’s his if he wants it. I totally want to support him BUT it is international sales and would take him away from home at least a few days every other week, plus mad long hours when he’s here. The pay increase is significant (more than what I earn now) and would allow us to possibly move house soon, get a nicer car, take the girls away on holiday but is it worth it?

We have such a lovely little stress free life, I feel supported and like I have an equal partner. Yes we’re not rich, but we get by. I just feel like I'll be doing the lions share of child rearing alone for the sake of a few nicer things in my life but no husband. Am I being selfish for not wanting him to go after this opportunity?

My husband works away and only quality time is very short weekends. It's been three years now like this. He hates it, the kids would much prefer him home. If he could afford it he would find a 9-5 at home as he misses us so much

Des I really feel for you. When my DC were tiny, DH was home in plenty of time to sit down and have a cup together before the bath, bed and teatime routine started. I loved it and it kept me (a then reluctant SAHM) sane. Things have moved on and he's now working longer hours, but still home in time for a late tea and time to play with the DCs.

I would hate it if this changed. Of course a few nights away every now and then is neither here or there, but early mornings, late nights and regular weekend working is a completely different kettle of fish. I (and fortunately my DH feels the same!) think that time together as a family is more important than more money. Obviously we do things separately, too, we're not in each other's pockets in all of his non-working time.

I may have missed this in your responses, but if he does take the new job, how will it impact your ability to work effectively, i.e. nursery pickups and drop offs/sickness/holidays?

Going for a promotion like this has an impact on the OP so there is no reason why she shouldn't voice her concerns. Would her DH be prepared in a few years to take on more childcare so the OP could get a promotion? I suspect the answer might be no.

But they're not struggling for money! Why should what DH wants trump want OP wants, especially when the money isn't a necessity and it would massively impact on her and her job opportunities.

DP once suggested a job that meant working away during the week (leaving mon AM and returning v. late Friday PM) and I told him he was having a laugh. I didn't move in with him to then be apart 4/5 nights a week.

Yes, single mothers cope, and yes, army wives cope, but I think this is a different kettle of fish. If you're single, you HAVE to do it all, no choice. If your partner is in the army, you'd have known that before marrying him and chose to get married/have kids accordingly.

This is different, and OP has every right to question the idea when she'll be massively impacted as well. That's not selfish, it's sensible.

So it's ok to want him not to do something and he's selfish if he goes ahead but it's ok for her to work part time so less money for the nice things he would like his children to have.