what ARE we allowed to be judgy about?

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according to MNetters, we shouldn't judge parents who let their children get tattoos; people who let their 14 yo dd sleep with a boyfriend;people who don't give up their seats on buses; people who feed their kids shite day in and day out;people who are happy to live on benefits when they are capable of working..teenagers who go off to Syria to join terrorist groups..... the list goes on.
is there anything acceptable to be judgy about or is every lifestyle choice acceptable and no comment should be made

why aren't you allowed?

The truth is that you are. You can get judgy about whatever the hell you like. Nobody can stop you. You'll just get some people disagreeing with you, that's all.

That doesn't mean you aren't allowed. It just means other people are likely to share their view too.

I judge loads of stuff. I am judging you right now for saying that you aren't allowed to judge when what you mean is you want to not be challenged by opposing views or judged yourself after expressing judgement.

So there. Take my mighty judgement

And fenella nails it.

Not talking about the tattoo issue. But why is it "liberal handwringing" if someone disagrees with you?

I still judge, just not as much as I did before and I'm prepared for my judgement to be wrong.

Some folk do come over very liberal on here not just about the tattoos but loads of things from under aged sext to children running wild in super markets it's like they have no boundaries imo obviously so if someone disagrees they are seen as a pearl clutching fuddy duddy

Two reasons it is completely acceptable to judge someone, no matter what:

Supporting UKIP
Supporting the BNP

I think that's the key really koala, you can judge as much as you like but you should always be open to the fact that you are wrong and your opinion can and might change.

I do judge a bit, I think everyone does, but I won't be vocal about it and make the person I'm judging feel bad unless it's really really necessary.

Step parents often seem to be fair game on here, I've never in RL heard the opinions expressed on MN about them.

You can be judging on mn about any girl who might wear pink or dresses and/or play with anything that might be thought of as a girl's toy.

Whether that's their choice or not you should be forcing them into boys clothes and to play with boys toys.
If you have a ds otoh it is thoroughly applauded and positively to be encouraged.

And you're allowed to judge anyone on netmums.

I think there's a time and a place for judging. Say if you come across some fool who keeps using and sterilising baby bottles when their children are 1 year old 18 months old --actually they are nearly 3, they still take a bottle before bed and the only reason I stopped sterilising is because we lost the steriliser when we moved house, it's a lot different thing to point and laugh in private than to go on Mumsnet and express your opinion where the OP and others doing the same might see it. And also, if it is something really stupid they are doing, 20 other people are going to pile in and tell them the same and that can feel quite intimidating. So it's nice to be nice.

But yeah, judging, surely it's half the fun of parenthood?

good old TAT
i judge people who can't post on a thread so start their own and so do most people

Surely being judgemental is simply holding an opinion? The danger comes when you can't/don't/won't see the variables of that opinion?
I personally am judgemental about children eating a decent diet. I understand what true poverty dictates, I am not stupid, but a bag of crisps and a sausage roll for lunch to me says lazy. Yes some children are fussy but some children are also taught to be fussy. Rahhhhhhh.

I first posted on here as a new step mum three years ago about a problem and I got so much grief and was hounded so badly it took me a long time to come back. Step mum's get judged all the time. We should all 'know what we are getting into' and every problem can be solved by having a girly day shopping followed by nail painting. If that doesn't work it's our fault and definitely not the child's fault. Even if said child is old enough to know better.

I judge, I think everyone does. I find it strange on here, the obsession with cleaning, eating posh food and going on mega expensive holidays but it's fine for a 14 year old to be having sex or a 16 year old to be getting a tattoo. I'm not middle class, I'm not well off and I'm not in any way 'posh' but I'm horrified by the sex and tattoo opinions I've seen.

I always have, always do and always will judge parents who take their babies out in summer dresses with nothing over the disposable nappy hanging out the bottom as dreadfully common.

So shoot me.

Other peoples' weddings always seems fair game for a good judging on here.

IRL weddings are usually a joyous occasion, but on here they just seem to provide an opportunity to judge the choice of venue, guest list, gift lists etc.

And Facebook - any time someone mentions facebook, they'll get jumped on for daring to use it.

That's funny Saucy, because I think that the whole pants over nappies thing is horribly common (along with ankle socks with giant lace frills that drag on the ground).

The one thing I've learned from MN is that there will always be someone who thinks that I am doing "it" wrong - no matter what I'm doing or how I am doing it. As a result, I care a little less about other people's opinions - which is probably healthy.

but it's fine for a 14 year old to be having sex or a 16 year old to be getting a tattoo. I'm not middle class, I'm not well off and I'm not in any way 'posh' but I'm horrified by the sex and tattoo opinions I've seen.

What they really mean is that it's fine for other people's children to do this and they will be all liberal leftie and tolerant.
But god help their own naice middle class kids if they did it.

Piercing babies' ears - totally judge-tactic!

what koala said about being less judgy now. mn gives you a thousand points of view and experiences. I'm quite nice in my old age, don't even get annoyed by smoking in pregnancy (I've never smoked).

I have an issue with the stance on MN of 'Well you don't have all the facts so you can't judge'.

Because in that case judging is meant to say 'you can't have an opposite opinion to the OP/the person who did X'.
And that means that in effect you are saying that everyone needs to agree with that person's decision to do X, even if you think it's a very bad idea.

I would less unconfortable if that meant that no one could give an opinion on anything because we don't know all the facts. But then what would be the point of MN?? How could you give an opinion on any subject or advise to a woman in the relationship threads. Things might be very different than the picture she is painting you know ....

You can judge about anything, apart from the time there's some in else judging differently on the same thread.

Manners - that's what people appear to be allowed to be judgy about; even though most of the time the MannersPolice don't actually know what the word means and are mixing up manners and etiquette. Some people only trawl MN to find threads where they can post such helpful comments as "manners matter. Never mind all the other issues - did you write a thank you note?"

I havent read the tattoo thread, but Im surprised that the consensus appears to be that it is fine for anyone, let alone a 16 YO to have a tattoo.

Its not long since I read a thread where the consensus appeared to be that tattoos were looked down upon.

I dont get the TAAT thing on here either and hope that this thread doesnt get deleted because it may be one, because I see it as more of a discussion of judging in general.

I know that Mumnsetters are not all the same or hold the same opinions, but there does seem to be some things where there is a consensus on here and if you express an opinion that is outside that consensus, you do get jumped on about it.

There is a lot of hypocrisy as well on here. Armchairathlete has just said What they really mean is that it's fine for other people's children to do this and they will be all liberal leftie and tolerant. But god help their own naice middle class kids if they did it.

To me, this sums up a lot of Mumsnetters, perfectly. They fall over themselves to be liberal leftie and tolerant and inclusive , but look at the angst about living in the right house in the right road in the right naice village with the right schools and naice middle class shops and restaurants on the doorstep.

But of course, such a house costs so much that only the very well off could ever afford such a property and the locality will be dominated by other naice middle class people, apart from the odd working class person who has won the lottery or done well in their own business for example.

And you're allowed to judge anyone on netmums.

DeeWee yep that is totally true!