aibu regarding icebreakers

[ovaryhill]

When you've to stand up and tell a bunch of strangers all about yourself and your background, oh and and tell a funny fact about yourself on a training course
Would I be unreasonable to say 'it's none of your bloody business, '?

Sorry vvviola.

I knew it was going badly when I travelled 50 miles to get there and turned up early and they delayed the start because three people hadn't got there [in a group of 30] because there had been a local traffic incident. I said 'I've got here early and had to travel 50 miles to do so - don't you think it a little rude to all the people who got here on time?' No visible understanding from the tutor of why this is an issue.

This always annoys me - why do the latecomers receive more respect than those who can be bothered to turn up on time. Sigh.

vvviola - that is shocking.

I went on a Suzie Lamplugh Personal Safety training course and the tutor was asking everyone [quite harshly we thought] about their kids and how safe they think they are and my colleague had just lost her husband a couple of months earlier [had come to work specifically to do this course] and she was in tears, the tutor was mortified and it really did upset all the group. I said that perhaps that question wasn't the best as they don't know anyone's personal history eg I have no kids in the first place but how does she know that I wasn't going to collapse in tears at this? To be fair she did amend her delivery straight away and apologised to my colleague in front of the class.

I know that some tutors like to shock people but FFS - is it really outside of their understanding that someone will be upset talking about a funeral? Tutors like this make me seethe.

The thing is, I half see her point: we were being trained in how to deal with some pretty serious stuff and she did need to make us understand that we weren't coming to it from a completely clean slate. But surely she could have explained or given examples rather than using me as a guinea pig. Or at least done the guinea pig stuff at the end of the day where I could have retreated to the pub instead of having to sit through the whole course, rather than as an icebreaker exercise. And, as my lovely colleague who reported it to HR on my behalf said, the trainer was lucky it was over-emotional me and "just" my cousin. There could have been someone in the group who had lost parent/spouse/child.

the problem with this sort of thing is, the trainer is kind of making promises they can't deliver: they can be the most safest unjudgemental person in the world but they can't change your work place, your industry, or the world of work in general to be a safe place where everyone is respected. The world of work is a dangerous, insecure place where people have coping mechanisms for good reasons.

I have realised that part of the reason why I manage this ok in practice while objecting to it in principle is because I have been here before. As a child I went to a convent school which ran retreats at certain times of the year. Secondary schools are socially red in tooth and claw and no amount of kind nuns can permanently change the atmosphere to one of understanding and support. I found it hard to be in group settings with classmates which were supposed to be about sincere spiritual exploration. We all basically muddled through although I used to find it very upsetting at times. so this sort of thing is pretty mild in comparison.

I loathe them.

And I've used them (brief period teaching in HE). They're cringey and horrible and awkward - but once you've made everyone spout a couple of lines of nonsense to get over their nervousness, and give people the chance to pick up on a handful of names, it really does increase their general willingness to talk about whatever the teaching topic is and share ideas. Doesn't cure the shy ones by any means - but certainly makes them no quieter.

I think they work because they lower the stakes when it comes to volunteering an idea. If you've already had to say some twatty 'interesting fact' about yourself, then offering an vague guess at the answer to a question seems like less of a big deal.

YANBU...I really hate stuff like this. Sadly the modern workplace is completely geared towards extroverts!

I've actually thought of an 'introvert-friendly' reason I do them. I've taught communication and conflict resolution for a while now. Both I and the person who trained me are massive extroverts (well, we talk for a living). I realised that using her exact method I was 'losing' a significant proportion of the group every time and sometimes, particularly when teaching certain group, I was 'losing' more than that.

Now, I have a tool-box approach and if the icebreaker is very quiet with a few refusals or very short answers, I use different exercises and a whole different approach. Instead of PPoint and exercises and talking about anger, I sit down with the participants. I teach more about conflict styles and easy tips on assertiveness. Rather than controlling strong emotions and listening skills. For the brief discomfort of an icebreaker you get a much better session for you.

I completely agree, BTW that a function of trainers being mostly extroverts is that they will choose content that speaks to them.

As an introvert trainer, I am always aware of how traumatic these things can be so I work hard to adapt to the needs of the group.
I never make people do role play, because I know that I get nothing from it myself, I just cringe at the thought of it.

Perhaps some people are happy to not have the 'ice broken' anyway. Just get on with the course and tell us what you need to tell us.
Not all courses are about you sitting there while you are told information. In fact that is so far from what I do, there's little point in that being a course.
Group training is effective because it gets people working together to understand issues and solve problems. The role of the ice-breaker is to get everyone involved and talking with an easy subject, before we move onto something more difficult. I do it as part of introductions most of the time, but I can also do it as an introduction to a related subject.

Most courses I have been on have had little point, and I have found very patronising. I am a grown up and know how to work with other people. But that was banking for you. I got out.

I think the problem with most icebreakers is that they focus on the personal when most people are there in a professional capacity so it's bound to make some people uncomfortable.

I hate bad ice breakers (I never want to learn three things about the person next to me then introduce them to the group again. Or throw a bean bag around)

Good ice breakers play a valuable role in getting the session off to a good start

I think MrsTerryPratchett's posts are very useful and helpful for understanding why icebreakers are done, but that doesn't make me hate them any less.

So many people bitch and moan about icebreakers - they seem to be all but universally hated. So I really cant understand why people haven't yet come up with anything better!

I particularly hate the ones where there is a vague request to "say something interesting about yourself" because (well, at least in my line of work), everyone suddenly gets very competitive and starts coming up with things like "I once completed a work record skydive with only my pants on for 6 charities, all of whom thanked me publicly" or "I am a fully qualified underwater basket weaver with a phd in writing books about peopel who attend village horticultural shows".

It's all dull, puts a lot of pressure on anyone who isn't particularly interesting or comfortable talking about themselves (for those people it actually often just instils a horrible feeling of "god, i'm crap compared to these people") and it's just not necessary. Why not just have name tags and have a mingling drinks/coffee event at the end or start?

To be fair though sparkling there a fair number of people working in banking who could really do with an effective training in how to play nice with the other children, if such a course existed! There is really a much higher than necessary proportion of total knobs working in the banking sector - think I will also soon be getting out

One I went on too was a 4 day residential cobblers one. Hotel/conference place in the middle of nowhere. We were told we had to have a hire car to drive there. When we got there the hire cars were picked up and only delivered back to us on the last day.

No escaping allowed. It was grimsville.

Oh and I don't know about ice breakers but after 4 days I could quite happily have murdered half the others after being together for so long.

once I had to do the "three facts about your partner" one.

I refused to answer the questions we were supposed to ask.

My mother's maiden name
My father's middle name
The name of my first pet.

All the same questions places like to ask as back-up questions to ID someone... Just no!

"I refuse to answer that as it's used for identifying purposes and it's not anyone's business if my mother was married or not"
"I refuse to answer that as it's used for identifying purposes"
"I refuse to answer that as it's used for identifying purposes and lots of people don't have pets anyway"

Apparently I was awkward!

I'd suspect them as bank fraudsters Ebwy!

I think these examples say more about the trainers tbh

If done properly they should contribute to creating a good evironment for learning

Worst groups have been 1) senior management team 2) group of home support workers who were to busy taking orders for rolls and sausage!

That's appalling, Sparklingbrook!

I hate being asked 'What are you hoping to get out of this training?' as the answer often is 'Realistically very little, but unfortunately it is compulsory for people at my level for reasons I totally fail to understand.'

I know Irene, looking back I am not sure why I stood for it. It was pre DC, maybe I was more amenable then.

Yadnbu

I'm extremely introverted and utterly totally loathe icebreakers and also trust exercises - the crappy old 'fall backwards and we'll catch you' shit. Just the most awful, uncomfortable, uneccesary, time wasting rubbish. I'm now in a position where I'd simply lightly say "Ooh no, don't be daft, I don't 'do' XYZ!" with a tinkly but steely laugh, and get them to move on, but dear god I've suffered some bloody excruciating ones over the years.