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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to leave this wedding?

71 replies

Beatrixemerald · 15/03/2015 22:33

I am feeling really guilty, left a wedding this weekend as dd (8months) wouldn't settle and was screaming with teething pain down the phone when my mum called.
It was the first time we have left her in the evening and it is just bad timing as top two teeth are coming through.
We ended up leaving between the starter and main course around 8pm after my mum had called because she just couldn't calm her down and she never really cried.
We didnt even get to say goodbye as everyone was up dancing as we left.
Feeling really worried that the b+g will be pissed off with us!

OP posts:
JanineStHubbins · 15/03/2015 22:36

Were people dancing between the courses of the meal? Confused

Not rude to leave if your baby was unsettled, but rude to leave without saying goodbye to the bride and groom IMO.

CurlyWurlyCake · 15/03/2015 22:36

No you wasn't bu

Both your mum and baby needed you. Your mum wouldn't have just rang unless she really needed to, would she?

nocoolnamesleft · 15/03/2015 22:37

Well...why not send a message saying you were sorry to bale out, and hope they had a fantastic time, but your dd wasn't well.

FriendlyLadybird · 15/03/2015 22:37

It was fine. B&G will understand (probably didn't notice you'd gone). Don't feel guilty -- your baby needed you.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 15/03/2015 22:38

YWNBU, these things happen and you did your best.

If you haven't already, I would definitely contact b&g asap to apologise and thank them for the day/compliment them on ceremony/food etc and generally gush a bit about it.

Hope your dd has been on better form today!

Charlotte3333 · 15/03/2015 22:38

I don't think the b&g would even have noticed your absence, unless it was a tiny wedding. There's usually so much going on that they'd be hard-pressed to notice anything at all.

BlueStarsAtNight · 15/03/2015 22:39

YANBU but you really should have said goodbye to the b&g. I hope at the very least that you've now contacted them to explain.

thatsucks · 15/03/2015 22:39

You left in the middle of a wedding without saying goodbye because your baby, being looked after by your mum, was crying?

YABU yes.

WineIsMyMainVice · 15/03/2015 22:40

Don't sweat it! B & G won't have even noticed! You had to go - not a lot of option!

Original poster
Beatrixemerald · 15/03/2015 22:43

yes dancing inbetween courses, b&g were in the middle of 200 dancing people so not possible to get hold of them.
that sucks - yes mum had called for third time (first two I suggested different things to try) had tried everything and she was hysterical.
Will drop them a note tomorrow

OP posts:
PrincessOfChina · 15/03/2015 22:44

People were dancing between courses?!

I'm afraid it's very rude to have left without making your excuses, which I'm sure would have been understood. I wouldn't have left in those circumstances though.

Make sure you contact them directly to apologise for your rudeness.

PrincessOfChina · 15/03/2015 22:45

Blimey, ok. Sounds tricky to have spoken to them so fair enough.

Original poster
Beatrixemerald · 15/03/2015 22:47

yep totally impossible to get hold of them, meal was interspersed with speeches and dancing so really hard but we had a good chat earlier on in the wedding so we did get to see them and they us

OP posts:
honeyroar · 15/03/2015 22:48

No you weren't being unreasonable. You went, you tried, there were problems so you left. Unless you made a big drama, I doubt if they would have even noticed. Just drop them a note to say sorry and that you were glad to have been there to witness them get married.

Any B&G that made a fuss or were offended over something like this would be being rather selfish IMO.

firesidechat · 15/03/2015 22:48

I've never been to a wedding where people got up to dance between courses. I think it might have been better to talk to the bride and groom before leaving and leaving in the middle of a meal is very rude.

IrmaGuard · 15/03/2015 22:49

I may have left if it was me, but not without speaking to the b & g. They're generally not hard to find even in a crowd of dancers. I've never heard of people dancing between courses, is that a new thing?

tellmemore1982 · 15/03/2015 22:52

What about the other people on your table, did you tell them you were going?

B&G probably didn't notice a thing tbh, I wouldn't tell them when you left as your timing might disappoint them, just apologise for leaving a bit early and not being able to find them to say goodbye and how wonderful the day was etc etc

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/03/2015 22:52

I think they will understand but I'm a bit Hmm at your mum who called you at a wedding instead of giving your baby sone calpol and a bath or bottle or something.

teething remedies haven't changed that much have they?

I'd secretly be a bit annoyed at someone who gave up so easily tbh.

but obviously after the call there was no way you'd enjoy the evening so I guess in that sense ywnbu.

but your mum was

OddBodkins · 15/03/2015 22:53

What else could you do? You could hardly leave your mum in that situation and I think it would have been less considerate to speak to the b and g then and there. They have plenty of other things to be thinking about.

Original poster
Beatrixemerald · 15/03/2015 22:53

it was a jewish wedding, believe me you cant get into the middle of Israeli dancing, not without potential injury and as it was third time mum had called and was sounding desperate and 30 mins to get home we didnt really want to wait around to see when it would end.

OP posts:
Zebrasinpyjamas · 15/03/2015 22:53

Personally I think it is better to quietly leave early than announce you are going. The b and g probably would not have noticed and that way don't have to worry their guests are leaving because they are having a rubbish time.

If they have children in the future, they will understand why you did this (if they don't already). Without emphasising that you left early, I would send them a text thanking them for a nice day in case they did notice.

JanineStHubbins · 15/03/2015 22:54

Your mum called you at a wedding three times for teething pain? She sounds a bit useless as a babysitter, to be honest.

thatsucks · 15/03/2015 22:54

Your mum was being unreasonable for calling you three times. I have looked after family babies many times, sometimes you can't calm them down and you lie when you see them and say 'oh she settled fine'.

Illness - fair enough. Your mum stressing you out about her crying - not fair enough. Y

ou leaving wedding in the middle of dinner without saying goodbye and for no other reason than your baby was crying a lot - unreasonable. But you know.. your baby, your choice hun etc.

Original poster
Beatrixemerald · 15/03/2015 22:56

aside from the difficulties in getting to them I didnt really want to bother the b&g with our baby issues and was kind of secretly hoping they wouldn't notice

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 15/03/2015 22:58

You left for a very valid reason. I would have told someone in the bridal party before leaving but I think it's also fine if you send a text or write an email ASAP.

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