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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to leave this wedding?

71 replies

Beatrixemerald · 15/03/2015 22:33

I am feeling really guilty, left a wedding this weekend as dd (8months) wouldn't settle and was screaming with teething pain down the phone when my mum called.
It was the first time we have left her in the evening and it is just bad timing as top two teeth are coming through.
We ended up leaving between the starter and main course around 8pm after my mum had called because she just couldn't calm her down and she never really cried.
We didnt even get to say goodbye as everyone was up dancing as we left.
Feeling really worried that the b+g will be pissed off with us!

OP posts:

pickledparsnip · 15/03/2015 23:00

Not.unreasonable at all. Unless you were on the top tbake

pickledparsnip · 15/03/2015 23:02

Whoops. Unless you were on the top table I doubt they would have noticed at all. Who would get upset about something like that anyway? Can't believe people are saying it is rude! They are either friends or family, so am pretty sure in both cases they would be understanding.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 15/03/2015 23:02

No matter what the occasion, if your mam (who is kind enough to babysit for you) called three times and clearly wanted you to come home, you cannot reply "Sorry but I'm tucking in to my meal and having a dance. Deal with it."
My best friend came to my wedding straight from the airport after flying home from Florida. She left discreetly after the daytime meal and tbh I hardly even noticed, let alone became upset.

chocolatecrispies · 15/03/2015 23:02

I think it's ruder to interrupt a dance to tell people you are leaving than to leave quietly and discreetly. I also think your crying baby needs you in a way that the b and g did not, as one of several hundred guests, and you did the right thing.

anothernumberone · 15/03/2015 23:07

I think it's ruder to interrupt a dance to tell people you are leaving than to leave quietly and discreetly

^^this

pickledparsnip · 15/03/2015 23:07

Please ignore the posts saying your mum was being unreasonable, and is perhaps not a suitable babysitter. Sounds like she tried what she could, and panicked when it didn't work. Sometimes you can't stop a baby from crying. It happens. Heck sometimes mothers can't stop their babies from crying, are they not suitable for the job?

PurpleSwift · 15/03/2015 23:08

Why did you both have to leave? Couldn't one of you have stayed? Yes it was rude I'm afraid.

JeanSeberg · 15/03/2015 23:09

Did you both need to leave? Depending on whose friend was getting married, could they not have stayed and the other left to see to the baby?

FanFuckingTastic · 15/03/2015 23:11

I think leaving quietly is the best way to do it, and speak to the couple later on to let them know. I had to leave my cousin's wedding after the meal because I got very ill and ended up going straight to bed during the intermission between meal and evening.

AvaCrowder · 15/03/2015 23:14

I think you did right to duck out. We would have probably chosen one of us, brides friend or grooms friend to have stayed and the other gone home to baby. Most babies are babysittable, I think grandma doesn't approve of their union.

milkysmum · 15/03/2015 23:16

I'm not sure you both had to leave because your baby had teething pain surely?? But if you did better to slip away quietly I guess. I'd be a bit miffed at my mum for ringing if little one wasn't actually I'll though if I'm honest

pickledparsnip · 15/03/2015 23:19

It probably made more sense for them both to leave though, surely? Otherwise one has to go back and pick up the other one. much less faff to go together. I really can't imagine being friends with anyone who would consider this situation to be rude. How odd. Am sure they were far too busy having fun to even notice.

Kerberos · 15/03/2015 23:25

I'd have left too.

I'd send a text to B&G tomorrow thanking them for lovely speeches and apologising for not seeing them when you left. Agree with PP they probably wouldn't have noticed unless you were a significant part of the wedding party. Just don't mention what time and there's a good chance you'll get away with it...

FoodieToo · 15/03/2015 23:34

Sorry but I think that is ridiculous , especially on your mum's behalf. She is obviously a mum herself so should well know how to settle an upset baby.

Even if she couldn't settle the baby to ring you was really unfair if you were at a wedding.

Or more likely did you ring her and hear baby upset in the background and rush off?? I would understand this more than an older, experienced mum calling her daughter home from a wedding for teething pain ??

I cannot think of any reason for calling you home other than if your baby needed hospitalisation .

Original poster

Beatrixemerald · 15/03/2015 23:49

Erm no Foodie, as I said, she called me. I am not upset with my mum, she was doing her best and she hasn't been around babies for a long time, plus she knows me and knows I would want to be there if dd really was inconsolable.

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 15/03/2015 23:49

I think grandma doesn't approve of their union

That statement is based on what exactly?

missusdaly · 16/03/2015 00:26

Your baby comes before the bride and groom whether they noticed your absence or not.

pickledparsnip · 16/03/2015 00:28

Think it is really below the belt to take a bash at the OP's mum.

Bakeoffcake · 16/03/2015 00:34

I agree Pickledparsnip.

The baby was hysterical- what would you have wanted her to do if she'd everything to calm her down?

Bakeoffcake · 16/03/2015 00:35

And OP, I think you did the right thing to leave quietly, without making a fuss.

Summerisle1 · 16/03/2015 00:37

Truly, some of the responses on here are worthy of the "Most Unhelpful Advice" thread. And it isn't as if the moon was full right now either!

The OP's mother was clearly doing her best and I have no doubt would have much preferred not to have to interrupt the OP's enjoyment of the wedding. Unfortunately the baby had other ideas.

As for it being rude to leave the wedding, these things happen and who wouldn't put their baby first in these circumstances? It was clearly a very big wedding and I really doubt that the bride and groom noticed. I also agree that it would have been much ruder to disrupt the dancing simply to announce that they were leaving.

No crime has been committed.

SwirlyThingAlert · 16/03/2015 00:44

Your mum called you at a wedding three times for teething pain? She sounds a bit useless as a babysitter, to be honest.

This. Was it seriously nothing that Calpol, being tucked up in bed warmly wouldn't help? A teething ring toy to chew on?
You're not being U in the fact you wanted to get home when you heard your baby crying over the phone, I'd have wanted to as well.
Your mum is being massively U to say she'd babysit and then ring up 3 times for something like teething pain! Common sense should surely prevail in what to do.

pickledparsnip · 16/03/2015 00:47

The baby may have been inconsolable because she simply wanted her mum. Add teething into the mix and you have a very unhappy baby. If the OP's mum hasn't had much experience with the baby then the baby is effectively being looked after by a stranger as far as they are concerned. Not sure why this is hard for people to comprehend.

Iflyaway · 16/03/2015 00:49

A lot of judgemental opinions on here....

If it had been my wedding I wouldn't have minded at all if two of my guests had been called away to deal with baby matters. Cos that,s life.

SwirlyThingAlert · 16/03/2015 00:53

pickledparsnip If grandma is effectively a stranger to them, why would they be left with them in the first place?

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