AIBU to be really cross about DC Lunch Box's being questioned at Parents Evening?

[KKCupCake]

Hi All. Happy Mothers Day :)

OK so I've been stewing about this since Wednesday's Parents Evening. Everything was OK until our Twin DS teacher (who is also the head) said 'it's difficult to talk about weight' And started waffling on about Lunch Boxes. I don't actually know what she was trying to say and was so hurt/embarrassed/shocked I just sat there dumbstruck. She was saying at the same time our DD (9) was overweight (she's no lithe flower but certainly not obese) and that she felt our DS (7) 'needed feeding up almost' She then went on to tell us off about a situation where we forgot to put the sandwiches in ONE time and had to take them in at lunch time. And one time when our DD thought she was being clever taking the last piece of rocky road, she had been told WASN'T there, from the fridge for her Lunch Box which was actually half an onion. The teacher said 'I know we laughed about the onion, but ...' like there was some underlying issue. She then said to me how she had 'an agreement' with 'certain other families' where if the school felt ' the children were hungry' they would give them a school lunch but that they needed our agreement that should that happen we'd pay for it - actually as I write this I'm so cross I'm crying! - It would be funny if it wasn't for the fact that in our life we eat wholefood and I cook from scratch every day and that for my job I run an Artisan Micro Bakery!

I usually put in the DC Lunch boxes, a roll with chicken/cheese/tuna etc, a banana, a piece of cake and a drink, everything is homemade. This is what they'd have at home for lunch at the weekend. Since Parents evening I've felt obliged to add extra stuff like extra fruit, popcorn and biscuits. Our DC are eating it all which makes me feel AWFUL because I'm thinking was I underfeeding them? But it turns out they're eating half of it at break time anyway. I feel like all my trust in the school has gone and I'm really upset by the piss poor way the teacher handled it as I don't actually know what she was trying to say. I also that I feel I've agreed to my DC being packed with a cheap n nasty processed school lunch any time the school feels like it.

What should I do? Make an appointment ask for clarification from the head? Write a letter? Ask casually at the door? Am I being AIBU? Am I in fact doing the wrong thing giving my DC the Lunch Box I do? AIBU? And either way - any advice, experience? Thanks x

Gosh yes, kids weight and feeding them are hairy topics to post about on here! I think you've faced the usual mix of opinionated to crazy with an open heart and attempted to find the good in everything. Bravo you! Whilst so worried about the actual issue as well, you were trying to get support from this threads and avoid the whole gamut of extreme posters... From the soap box 'don't get me started, oops you just have' types (!) and a few 'lynch the OP no matter what' nasties, and a few rabid frothers for good measure!

Look, you've handled this whole thing really well and I hope you can breathe a sigh of relief. Well done :)

Aibu is hardcore! Chat or education sections a bit less wild.

As an ex deputy head teacher I feel I should point something out on this thread. In her last post the OP has expressed that she is upset by some of the negative comments received. I ask her to consider how the head teacher featured in the post must be feeling if she were to read the OPs comments. Possibly feeling worse than the OP as she has been called p* poor at her job and made out to be unprofessional. Yet she has no right of reply due to the professionalism that teachers generally abide by. That professionalism also extends to the welfare of all pupils at the school. As a parent myself I would want to know if the school had concerns regarding my children appearing hungry. As for the meeting with a nurse, you clearly are unaware of multi agency work in schools. I would be very surprised if the school was told to 'butt out' for raising a concern. Schools are encouraged to consider the health and well being of all and liaise with a wide range of other professionals.

It is quite likely that the school may be aware of the posts. One of my roles when a deputy was social media monitoring. It is straight forward to regularly scan posts on sites such as these, to raise potential issues among school staff. Although in the OP's defence she did not actually name the school or member of staff, it will be obvious with so much detail included. In fact an important part of my role was the importance of browsing immediately following parents' evenings.

So to the OP, who didn't like the negative posts, the phrase 'people who live in glasshouses' springs to mind.

Finally it seems that you have resolved the issue with one phone call made by your partner, the result of which you still seem unhappy with. Surely another meeting to clarify things further? Or maybe not - if the school may now know of your derogatory comments!

What is a micro bakery?

The old red Baby record book is good for working out if a child is in proportion height/ weight wise. I take a look and record both round about the childs brithday. DS has been steady on the 75th centile for both since age 1. I have no worries even if he does look like a t-rex, chunky thighs, long legs and skinny upper body/ arms. The sport he plays majors on legs.. so ist not a surprise he is that shape.

But ex, it's an anonymous board, and the OP came on genuinely distressed and confused, asking for support and advice on what the tea her was attempting to say, and how to handle it. She wasn't here to have a good old rant, and she wasn't being rude or insulting.

I'm afraid teachers, just like everyone else have to get used to a world with social networking in it.

And I don't think it's fair if a poster cannot post anything about schools because teachers don't like it, as the net result is to cut someone off from her (possibly only) source of support. I get the issue, but it is not the way to deal with it.

I've seen some awful threads attacking teachers (just as there are threads attacking people in every profession), but this is not it.

Exdht - does it really matter that OP sought the opinions of other parents? This is a forum after all. Its fine for a parent to hold and state an opinion about the school leadership. Neither school or head was named.

I personally know three occasions where a consultant/nurse has had to intervene and write to a school because the schools own agenda has got in the way of their duty of care. Some schools have very poor joined up thinking.

I recon the heads agenda was financial actually as there were a few parents being told 'let me feed them if hungry' . I recon it's about getting school dinner numbers up to gain funding. Not about the health of the child.

Any head worth their salt - with health/weight concerns would have let the school nurse deal with the entire issue. School nurses have the know how and the skill to deal with health issues. The fact that the head left OP confused, upset and wanting resolution/confirmation highlights just how badly the head dealt with things.