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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Got told off in a shop by a total stranger! WIBU to stand up for myself?

72 replies

youarekiddingme · 15/03/2015 13:02

Had an actual Shock moment!

In a large home store type place with friends and DCs. Get to end of an aisle and stop as DCs ask to go and look at toys. That's fine we say and just setting some 'ground rules' (reminders of behaviour.)

I see something hanging on end of shelf and exclaim how interesting it is. Then walk on obviously looking ahead where I'm going.

A voice behind me shouts...
"I'll pick up what you've dropped then shall I?"
Confused I look under trolley and say "oh thanks what did I drop?"
"You know exactly what it is I saw you kick it away"
"EH?"
"This item, I saw you drop it on the floor and kick it under shelf" (it's one of the items I'd just pointed out to friend.
"Oh sorry I hadn't noticed I'd knocked one on floor but I certainly didn't kick something"
"I saw you - you deliberately dropped it and kicked it" Hmm
"Well you need to get your attitude checked along with your eyesight, I can accept I accidently knocked something, even walked over it without noticing but that gives you no right to tell me off publically because you've judged a situation incorrectly from afar"

The bloke then had the audacity to tell me I had no right to speak to him like that Shock

The smirk on his OH face when I did made me think he's a twat and very few people stand up to him.

I think I was perfectly justified btw Grin

OP posts:
CunningCat · 15/03/2015 13:04

Twat Grin

cleanmyhouse · 15/03/2015 13:05

Justified.

CunningCat · 15/03/2015 13:05

Him not you, obviously! Yanbu!

championnibbler · 15/03/2015 13:06

Dead right.
he sounds like a cunt out on a sunday just looking to start a row.

limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2015 13:18

A stranger at a buffet told me off for taking too much. I'd taken cold meat and cheese and also a sweet thing and put them on the same plate.

The reason was because my seat was a pig to get in and out of and I decided to make just the one trip rather than make people stand up for me all over again. It was quite a lot, but I was hungry.

I should have ignored him but I lost it. It was because I was being considerate and he was the one being the arsehole.

I was so angry that it just didn't come out right at all. I looked like a screaming mad woman and a greedy one at that Grin. It spoiled the lunch because I was brooding on it all the time. I kept glaring at him wanting a rematch. He and his wife ate up quite quickly and left.

limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2015 13:34

Meant to say that it sounds like you handled it better than I did Smile.

I have a contra-deal going on with the greengrocer - I give him the free DVDs I get through work and he doesn't charge me for fruit and vegetables.

He tells me to serve myself but I usually wave a carrot at him and mouth: 'Is it okay to take this? Thanks.'

I was loading up my shopping bag when the man next to me said: 'Why don't you take some onions too?'

I didn't register the sarcasm and said: 'It's okay thanks. I don't need onions but I might come back for them tomorrow.'

He then said: 'You're shameless' and called over Simon the stall holder and loudly accused me of theft.

I was saying that he'd got it wrong and he said he knew exactly what I was doing and I was despicable.

At which point Simon, who is quite volatile, said: 'Look mate. When I need Security, I'll ask. She can take whatever she wants because I like her. I don't like you, now fuck off.'

He then pressed some extra potatoes on me for my distress.

That poor misunderstood man will never perform a public-spirited act ever again Grin

thecatfromjapan · 15/03/2015 13:38

His poor partner.Hmm If he's like that with women he doesn't know, I'm guessing he makes her life hell.
Limited- he sounds vile too.
There is, obviously, a case to be made for people intervening in public spaces to prevent harm to there.
But randomly patrolling the behaviour of women they don't know (and it is women, or children - powerless people)? That is just creepy. Creepy, abusive, controlling, aggressive.

frangipani13 · 15/03/2015 13:42

Well done you! There are so many times I've looked back on and kicked myself for not being assertive enough in the moment. He sounds like a pig and you put him in his place

Idefix · 15/03/2015 13:47

What a twunt op, well done for standing your ground :)

swazza · 15/03/2015 13:50

What a twat!

swazza · 15/03/2015 13:50

him not you!

Original poster
youarekiddingme · 15/03/2015 13:52

His manner and tone did come across like a father disaplining his DD - I'm 34 FFS Grin

I did say to my friend after I had wanted to just tell him to fuck off but felt I might have lost the high ground with that! And she said would it be just as bad if I throw something on the groud and kick it towards him if we see him again?

limited why do people feel the need to comment on what your eating? Was it an all you can eat? I'd haven pointed out the clue was in the title!

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2015 13:53

randomly patrolling the behaviour of women they don't know (and it is women, or children - powerless people)? That is just creepy. Creepy, abusive, controlling, aggressive.

You have a good point thecatfromjapan. The greengrocer vigilante made a mistake but his heart was in the right place. He thought I was stealing from a hard-working man. I feel a bit sorry for him.

But Buffet Cop was a complete arsehole. He was definitely making all sorts of judgments about me - from my etiquette, class and the amount he thought ladies should eat. And he'd never have done the same thing to my husband who'd done exactly the same thing for the same reasons but didn't bump into him.

Carambar · 15/03/2015 14:00

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WhizzPopBang · 15/03/2015 14:01

I was told off by a man in sainsburys the other week because one of the extra carrier bags I'd accidentally taken when packing my shopping had slipped on the floor on the other side of the self service till after I'd tucked it back in the bag holder thingy, apparently it was a health and safety hazard because someone could have slipped on it and fallen and I should have seen it and rushed round to pick it up Hmm

Wish I'd been a bit quicker off the mark with a response!

WhizzPopBang · 15/03/2015 14:02

Oh, and I hadn't even noticed, otherwise I would have made sure I picked it up on my way past!

limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2015 14:06

youarekiddingme It was a very popular local restaurant that's now closed.

You paid a flat price for lunch and water and extra for alcohol. I don't know what they did in the evenings.

Their buffet was European - cheese, cold cuts, quiches, salads - all to a really good standard.

I think the problem might have been that it was an institution with longer established residents who resented incomers like me who were lowering the tone.

After that encounter I never set foot in there again which might have contributed to their demise. It's not the fault of the owner but I didn't want to associate with people like that.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 15/03/2015 14:13

Sounds like some dickhead I encountered recently. My 3yo had knocked something without me realising and he jumps out of nowhere shouting "oi idiot you don't just walk off you pick it up like a good girl" I fucking flipped! He then proceeded to bat his hand about in my face to get me to move but I had to give him a piece of my mind he had scared my child and if he was watching us so closely he would've seen that I didn't see it happen

limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2015 14:13

Limited - your position is quite specific though, isn't it? I'm not surprised someone commented.

Which position is that, Carambar?

I have a lot of sympathy for the man at the veg stall because he was trying to help the stall holder and it looked like I was stealing. He was humiliated for trying to help. I wasn't responsible for Simon's aggressive response and tried to explain, but he was having none of it.

The man at the buffet, absolutely not. How dare he comment? And they were quite personal comments along the lines of people like me not knowing how to behave.

Carambar · 15/03/2015 14:25

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limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2015 15:05

I agree with you that I feel very bad for the man at the veg stall. He was trying to help but Simon was on a roll. It was also wrong of him to over rule me. I was trying to explain but he went off on one so I just stuttered to a halt.

I've got over it because I want free vegetables. I'm quite modest in my veg choices in winter but we're approaching Jersey Royal and English asparagus season. And then there are the expensive berries and cherries and melons and pineapples, so I decided to keep on-side Wink.

MumToFourCats · 15/03/2015 15:05

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limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2015 15:10

I suspect most of that exchange happened in OP's head afterwards.

It might have done but it's the beginning of an interesting thread. L'esprit de l'escalier and all that.

MumToFourCats · 15/03/2015 15:13
Grin
Original poster
youarekiddingme · 15/03/2015 19:17

No mumTo I have a freakishly photographic audio memory and can recall entire conversations. However I have almost no visual memory which can be a real problem!

Nice to see its judgement Sunday though - one in which I have better things to do than make up threads.

OP posts: