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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Got told off in a shop by a total stranger! WIBU to stand up for myself?

72 replies

youarekiddingme · 15/03/2015 13:02

Had an actual moment!

In a large home store type place with friends and DCs. Get to end of an aisle and stop as DCs ask to go and look at toys. That's fine we say and just setting some 'ground rules' (reminders of behaviour.)

I see something hanging on end of shelf and exclaim how interesting it is. Then walk on obviously looking ahead where I'm going.

A voice behind me shouts...
"I'll pick up what you've dropped then shall I?"
Confused I look under trolley and say "oh thanks what did I drop?"
"You know exactly what it is I saw you kick it away"
"EH?"
"This item, I saw you drop it on the floor and kick it under shelf" (it's one of the items I'd just pointed out to friend.
"Oh sorry I hadn't noticed I'd knocked one on floor but I certainly didn't kick something"
"I saw you - you deliberately dropped it and kicked it"
"Well you need to get your attitude checked along with your eyesight, I can accept I accidently knocked something, even walked over it without noticing but that gives you no right to tell me off publically because you've judged a situation incorrectly from afar"

The bloke then had the audacity to tell me I had no right to speak to him like that

The smirk on his OH face when I did made me think he's a twat and very few people stand up to him.

I think I was perfectly justified btw

OP posts:

NickiFury · 16/03/2015 08:22

Oh and I have reported you for that very nasty personal attack.

Hoppinggreen · 16/03/2015 08:27

mumtofourcats I also had my doubts about the truth of this thread as all to often there are these stories about how someone had a go for no reason ( has never happened to me ) and then managed a well thought out response that makes them look good.
However, it could well be true and even if not where's the harm?
Your last comment is vile

NickiFury · 16/03/2015 08:31

I think it's rather limited to believe that you just because you wouldn't be capable of a clever and smooth response then no one would be.

claraschu · 16/03/2015 08:36

I'm sorry that someone who values cats can be so deeply unpleasant. It is messing with my world view.

juneybean · 16/03/2015 08:38

claraschu!

rebelfor · 16/03/2015 08:41

did you ever do comprehension at school? As you clearly cannot read and understand

Miaow!

Yes, I can read and understand perfectly well, thank you.

WicksEnd · 16/03/2015 08:56

This is why personal attacks should be left to stand rather than deleted as it shows everybody who the arseholes are. You have made yourself look utterly ridiculous mumto

AvaCrowder · 16/03/2015 09:09

I'm surprised to see troll hunting on this thread. Hogwarts needs you!

CundtBake · 16/03/2015 09:13

MumToFourCats wtf? Who pissed on your chips this morning? If anyone's a troll on here I'd guess it's you. Who the hell makes disgusting comments like that over a few choice words in a hardware store.

HicDraconis · 16/03/2015 09:23

MumToFourCats I did not at any point tell you what you could or could not say. I don't even have to have a good memory for that, I wrote it further upthread.

However to save you scrolling up, I said "If you think it's fake, report it, or don't bother reading any further." I didn't say don't post - although I did assume that you are aware of the troll hunting guidelines regarding reporting vs calling troll on a thread.

Just because you may not be capable of calmly but firmly standing your ground when someone acts like an arse (as man in shop did to OP) doesn't mean it didn't happen.

I'd suggest you "FO" as you requested me to, but that probably comes under a personal attack. So instead I suggest a nice lie down somewhere you can recover your temper, your manners and whatever wit you believe you possess.

SomethingAboutNothing · 16/03/2015 09:33

Is anyone else wondering if it was MumTos husband that the OP had a run in with? I can't think of any other reason for her bizarre outburst.

NakedFamilyFightClub · 16/03/2015 09:37

I reported that post along with loads of others and MNHQ have replied to the reports saying MumTo has been banned.

It was a vicious thing to say, good riddance to her.

NickiFury · 16/03/2015 09:42

I thought she'd probably been banned as I couldn't imagine any other reason she wouldn't have been back to stick the boot in again.

WicksEnd · 16/03/2015 09:46

Well I take it back then about leaving the goady shit for all to see.

Off to report a goady fucker on the relationships board next........Hope they get banned too.

BiddyPop · 16/03/2015 09:46

I agree about people not always realizing that there are "invisible" disabilities. (Completely misses the point of the thread).

We are lucky enough not to have needed to use them yet, but I always bring a letter from DD's clinic stating her DXs (ADHD and Aspergers) in case there is a need. We have done a pretty reasonable amount of international travel and days out - but there have been a few things I've abandoned halfway through. But knowing that there are routes through airports and extra help available is something that I do as part of my preparation for any trip.

DH doesn't ever want to acknowledge it, and doesn't think I should notify people about it. He accepts DD for what she is, and is good with her a lot of the time, but is also wary of labeling. So I don't tend to inform in advance, as we don't generally NEED assistance. But I will have the relevant numbers, and letters to ensure we CAN go through the fast lanes etc, if things go badly and we do need a little extra help.

I thought it was quite interesting the other morning in the coffee shop (that's my respite - a coffee and croissant between the early morning chaos at home and commute, before I go into work). A girl (maybe very early 20s) asked to go to the bathroom, and was directed to the main loos downstairs. She asked if she could use the toilet on the same floor, and was informed that it was "the disabled toilet". The girl asked again could she use that one and there was a serious raising of eyebrows went on, a reiteration of it being disabled, and "are you sure that's where you want to go?" before the key was produced and she was allowed in there. Now while she was walking, and reasonably articulate (if mortified), she was holding herself in an awkward way so I think that she really did need the extra space. But the attitude she met in trying to get it was really - while not in any way mean - was just sad to see (barrista was just incredulous that someone not in a wheelchair would be "disabled").

And we have often had to use disabled loos ourselves as DD finds the noise of the hand-dryers very hard to bear, it's not all the time - but there are days when that will be what can add just too much stress onto an already stressed enough little girl and cause it all to come flooding out (either there or later "in safety" at home).

Behindthepaintedgarden · 16/03/2015 10:32

A cow with a toddler in tow once had a go at me for not going fast enough at the self service checkout ( I wasn't dawdling or buying loads of stuff that needed approval or leaving 'unexpected items in bagging area, so had no idea why she attacked me). I told her she was very rude and I hoped her daughter would grow up to have better manners. Turned out he was her son. Ooops!

vladthedisorganised · 16/03/2015 10:51

I once gave DD 20p to spend in a charity shop. She noticed a basket full of 'costume jewellery' at 5p a piece, and was dithering over what to choose.
I was bored rigid keen to get on, so I told DD I would count to 10 and if she hadn't chosen her 5 things by then, I'd choose for her and we'd go.

Random bloke snaps at me "It should be 3!" He must have registered my puzzled expression as he then shouts "You count to 3, not 10! It's people like YOU that are the reason so many children don't behave!" On he rants about how (4yo) DD - who is keeping herself to herself and not bothering anyone other than me - has no manners because of how I'm a terrible parent.

What the hell brought that on I don't know - but I'm willing to bet he wouldn't have said the same to the kids in the park knocking seven bells out of each other while their parents called them every name going. I wish I'd told DD to let the gentleman have a look at the lovely bangles as he clearly wanted some for himself, but it's probably best I didn't...

miniavenger · 16/03/2015 12:40

I now really want to read a thread with posts like the OPs and the three above, especially if the arseholes get owned. I'm quite wussy with saying things back, held my ground but that's about it.

limitedperiodonly · 16/03/2015 18:08

And Simon sounds like an arsehole.

No, he's not rebelfor. He's a very nice person and was probably feeling very protective of me and my recently deceased mother who he loved.

I didn't need it and I feel sorry for the person who thought I was stealing and was trying to help. But Simon thought I was being attacked and responded ferociously.

It was misguided but not nasty.

samithesausage · 16/03/2015 18:47

I remember getting off the bus with my two eldest sons. A man shouts "oi keep your fucking kids under control - they've nearly knocked an old person flying". Turned round looking for the "old person", there was no one, plus they'd been at my side when we got off the bus. The only thing I can think of is they were speaking excitedly about minecraft! I didn't respond to him.

Original poster

youarekiddingme · 16/03/2015 19:26

Wow! I missed the personal attack! Funnily enough having been at work all day and then caring for my disabled DS - including taking him to GP it's the first time I've sat down today.
I might add its having a disabled child that's taught me calm and measured responses - you get no where without the ability to do so. I've also got emails down to a tee!

It's for the exact reason ^^ that I have no time for and no inclination to start false threads!

Still a little gutted that after 5 years on MN - I get my first personal attack - and miss it

OP posts:

Purplepumpkins · 16/03/2015 19:33

Omg that happened to me walking down kensington hight street! There was road works and a sign had fallen down before we got there and we walked by it and the next thing I know this old lady is hitting me with Her shopping! Shouting at me to make my child pick up the sign "he knocked down"

I just walked on and ignored her but seriously!!!

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