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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the fact that my bf owns air guns

90 replies

Mrskeats · 14/03/2015 23:36

My bf (we live together) has several air guns which I loathe with a passion. I hate the idea that he has used them to kill rabbits (which he sees as vermin btw)
He completely rejects my objections to having them and tonight I am livid that he produces on from under the bed and tries to show me it!
I have on many occasions told him that I dislike weapons of all kinds and certainly don't want one in the bedroom. I feel that he could at least be a bit more discreet with them to show at least a little that he respects my opinion.
He also spends a fortune on them whilst we are trying to complete the renovation of our house which I also resent. I am economising by not getting my hair cut whilst he's spending £450 on a new gun.
If I say anything I am accused of 'nagging' which also annoys me as it seems a word applied to women who have any kind of opinion.
I don't necessarily want him to stop his hobby just be more aware that I don't like guns and will he just stop bloody well trying to convert me.
AIBU?

OP posts:

richthegreatcornholio · 15/03/2015 15:24

And it is if I were you not was.

Sorry, was a brain fart, you are indeed correct. We need to add pedant to your list of faults.

BuzzardBird · 15/03/2015 15:46

Too many misogynists on this thread.

Original poster

Mrskeats · 15/03/2015 17:17

Thank you goodness you have summed up what I feel accurately. Things should be discussed and a compromise reached.

List of faults. Yes it must be fab to have none rich jeez.

I agree buzzard.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 15/03/2015 17:22

YANBU to not approve of this. But neither is he being unreasonable in his own way. Doesn't sound as if you are really compatible if this bothers you a huge amount.

Duckdeamon · 15/03/2015 17:22

The misogynists on the thread aren't your main problem, the Q is do you live with one?

TheFecklessFairy · 15/03/2015 17:25

You want him to 'respect your views' while you don't respect his. There is no compromise on this - he either keeps his guns, or you get your wishes. Someone has to be the loser.

I would get this sorted out before you get married if I were you.

ZoomZoomToTheMoon · 15/03/2015 17:32

OP I think the problem is guns upset you and instead of having a caring response to that, he gets more aggressive and more determined to have his guns. A person who could see your POV would ask about ways he could keep his hobby separate from the house, for example in a way that would make you feel better. They wouldn't just say you were "nagging".

As a teenager I had a boyfriend who showed me a gun he kept under his bed. It was some kind of pellet gun or something, (I don't know or understand all the details) and when I was horrified he thought I was making a ridiculous fuss over nothing. This lad was a very hippy, pacifist sort of person and I know gun ownership doesn't make you dodgy. But I just hated it. It was one of the reasons I couldn't have got serious with him.

He is disrespectful, he doesn't care about your feelings and you aren't on the same page. That's really the issue.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/03/2015 17:41

Hilarious how, as soon as bf discovered the thread, a flurry of posts agreeing with him appeared. So you grasped that MN allows name changing then? Well done.

UndecidedNow · 15/03/2015 17:47

What a weird thread...

So if I summurize, the OP hates guns and knew that her bf loves them.
The OP doesn't want a gun under her bed for that reason.
She asked her by to not store the gun(s??) there but was told she is just 'nagging'.
The OP is doing her best to save for the house renovation and because of that is not doubt a few activities important to her, such as going to the hairdresser, a trip for her dd or a hobby for herself.

Then the boyfriend explains its his hobby.
That the gun under the bed is his gf responsibility because he is not allowed a display cabinet instead.
He does kill rabbits a d thinks it's normal because they are just vermin.
He loves the social side of the activity.
And he is happy to spend £450 on his hobby.
Oh and he is not aware he is suppose to be saving money whilst renovating his house.

Tbh?? You have some major issues in your hands.
Atm, you are both refusing to make any effort to compromise re the gun.
You have no common goal re the house and how money should be spent and where.
You are both not trying that hard to understand the other persons POV.
And you are both happily putting the entire fault on the other.

However, the 'coming to defend yourself in someone else thread' is a big put off for me. Just leave her alone!
The 'I wasn't aware I was supposed to save' when you are renovating a house is just bonkers. Have you ever look at a budget??
And the 'but she does t let me have a display cabinet'. Wails loudly. Is . Really? Can't you think if the reason why it's like this? That someone who loathes guns will not want them displayed is surprising and clearly a sign of being unreasonable?

YOU (the boyfriend) also knew she hates guns! Before agreeing to moving in didn't you think you would have to be accommodating on that subject too?

Personally, if you can't find some sort of REAL compromise on that, I would go separate ways. You will only get more frustrated and angry and just hurt yourself and each other.

UndecidedNow · 15/03/2015 17:49

lottie I agree... Strange how suddenly people just support him but aren't looking at all the gaping holes in his story....

PatterofaMinion · 15/03/2015 18:04

Sod the guns. The fact that someone I was involved with decided to hijack a thread on MN would be a complete deal breaker. Does he let you talk to your friends and family without listening in?

PatterofaMinion · 15/03/2015 18:05

Also, with or without hijack/guns under the bed/saving up for the house reno, it is astonishingly clear from this thread that you two are fundamentally unsuited.

Please don't keep trying to outwit each other - just call it a day. It's embarrassing you're both intelligent so why you can't see this I do not know.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/03/2015 18:10

But essentially, this bloke doesn't think you're a person, just a woman, which is not the same thing, so what is there for him to respect?

He has his hobbies, you knew it, you should adapt. He does not have to adapt to, or even acknowledge your view because, as you're not a person, it doesn't count.

Oh and if richthewhatever was an alter ego, you're already dumped.

miniavenger · 15/03/2015 19:15

Is idgaf actually the DP/DF? Because the OP hasn't confirmed, just said her thread was hijacked which makes me wonder?

Whichever way, OP you need to decide what you can/will compromise on and talk to your OH and see what he is. If you can't reach a compromise then you may have to accept that you aren't compatible.

I don't like airguns, I know someone who was shot in the face with one by an idiot and the idea of handling one or having it just under the bed would concern me. If idgaf is your OH (or even if not) then the idea of a lockable cabinet is a good idea, that way if you ever have DCs or someone's DCs over you can be sure they won't touch. Or even some drunk folks over.

idgaf · 15/03/2015 19:21

Duckdemon, my beef with police and CP's is topical, with respect to Hillsborough no one listened to the victims or their families. It was a scenario completely based without foundation or fact, it was a LIE!

Buzzard you claim I am a mysoginist because my 'gf' was nagging. I wasn't aware that only females can nag. Interesting point you make, however I don't associate a gender tag to nagging.

As for snooping on a private conversation, this post is visible to the entire planet. Besides my 'gf' has been using her post and replies on here as a basis to boost her own argument. So I suggest that you make this a closed group then I would need to do some snooping.

Personally this is all a storm in a tea cup, I think there must be lots of single bitter people on here who obviously march off into the sunset at the first opportunity. Otherwise there must clearly be many people on here with partners in need of assertiveness training.

I am quite happy in my relationship, however I don't ever feel the need to vent off to the entire planet when the need arises. I think some people need to think really hard about what a problem really is, such as maybe living in Africa or having to raise a disabled child.

I have spent many evenings listening to my 'gf' vent off on behalf of other peoples problems listed on here. I really don't think this even comes close.

Kind regards
Mr even more vile and disrespectful

FatCunt · 15/03/2015 19:27

I had no idea just happening to live in Africa was considered a real problem.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/03/2015 19:30

Well so long as you're sure you're right, that's all that counts really isn't it. Glad that's all settled. Gf happy now? Oh who cares anyway.

PatterofaMinion · 15/03/2015 19:34

I didn't say it was a private conversation. I registered disquiet at your willingness to hijack a thread asking for support regarding a relationship issue, that I presume your 'gf' posted because she feels the need for support and some feedback from disinterested parties as to whether her stance is reasonable or not.

She has not named you to the planet, so you remain anonymous except to yourself and your 'gf'.

Preventing someone from accessing third party advice within a relationship - whether it be from her family or friends or in an anonymous online format - is a big red flag and I'd suggest you might want to examine why you feel so threatened by her need to do so.

In the meantime I hope that you are Ok, OP, and considering your options.

idgaf · 15/03/2015 19:35

Ah well, maybe I should get some advice from my new friend Jeremy clarkeson

Original poster

Mrskeats · 15/03/2015 19:37

Hi
Yes I'm ok thanks
Been out for afternoon tea for Mother's Day (all reasonable women hurrah!)
Yes it is my oh on the thread for those wondering....

OP posts:

PatterofaMinion · 15/03/2015 19:39

and yes I am single, but I'm not bitter, and I like shooting. In fact I scored two bulls eyes at my first attempt some years ago - I wish I had had the opportunity to continue with it. Distasteful to me to shoot wildlife though...I left a chap who was continually bringing home ducks and pheasants. He enjoyed it a little too much.

PatterofaMinion · 15/03/2015 19:40

Hello OP

glad you're alright.

idgaf · 15/03/2015 19:46

Patterofaminion
I had spent many hours last night and also between the hours of 3-5am being nagged and bashed with the thought that 'many people' hated me and that my vilification on this forum was ongoing.

I therefore have every right to come on here and make my point. I despise being expected to not have an opinion as this smacks of injustice. It sounds to me like you would like to run this country in a model similar to the Chinese system or even Russian.

Kind regards
Mr vile and disrespectful snooper

FuckingLiability · 15/03/2015 20:01

idgaf, you're in danger of coming across as having a chip on your shoulder about this, though it's not hard to see why. Your first post was enough, returning to liken MN to China or Russia is pure hyperbole.

Also, using the word 'nagging' is a surefire way to make everyone lose sympathy with you and accuse you of misogyny.

You and the OP need to sit down and have a proper talk rather than using MN to settle your differences.

PatterofaMinion · 15/03/2015 20:02

I can see that this is a complicated argument and perhaps it is best left to you as a couple.

Over and out.

Spaseeba

Put(terofam)in(ion)

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