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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the fact that my bf owns air guns

90 replies

Mrskeats · 14/03/2015 23:36

My bf (we live together) has several air guns which I loathe with a passion. I hate the idea that he has used them to kill rabbits (which he sees as vermin btw)
He completely rejects my objections to having them and tonight I am livid that he produces on from under the bed and tries to show me it!
I have on many occasions told him that I dislike weapons of all kinds and certainly don't want one in the bedroom. I feel that he could at least be a bit more discreet with them to show at least a little that he respects my opinion.
He also spends a fortune on them whilst we are trying to complete the renovation of our house which I also resent. I am economising by not getting my hair cut whilst he's spending £450 on a new gun.
If I say anything I am accused of 'nagging' which also annoys me as it seems a word applied to women who have any kind of opinion.
I don't necessarily want him to stop his hobby just be more aware that I don't like guns and will he just stop bloody well trying to convert me.
AIBU?

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 15/03/2015 11:22

Fyrefly yep it's a Beretta. Grin He's also got a Silver Pigeon that was about £2.5k and he tends to use that one more.

I can't complain, he also paid for my car. Blush

specialsubject · 15/03/2015 11:29

rabbits get shot here too if they keep chewing the home-grown veg.

but what do you get out of this relationship with a man who says you are 'nagging' and isn't a team with you regarding finance? In what ways are you compatible? Do you make each other happy? Do you enjoy being with each other?

Duckdeamon · 15/03/2015 11:36

How old is your daughter? Does he store and use his guns safely? Storing in the bedroom doesn't sound great!

The money thing sounds unfair but depends on the stage in your relationship and financial arrangements. Doesn't sound like he is committed to the financial goals you mention.

Preciousbane · 15/03/2015 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

idgaf · 15/03/2015 12:13

Well mumsnutters its all very well having your cake and eating it, by which I mean judging someone solely on the basis of one side of the argument. Maybe you should become police officers or work for the CPS as they too are great at getting half the facts and then making a hash of it!

I am the vile and disrespectful other half and I would like to invite the people to our home so they can continue to throw their proverbial stones. Then when finished they can tell me all about their perfect lives, it must be amazing to be you.

However, I am the 'bf' in question. Though clearly I have already been demoted from our recent engagement together. I do enjoy shooting airguns, they can be great fun. They take self discipline and high levels of skill to shot accurately and they have been a hobby of mine over the last ten years. Something my 'gf' was well aware of when we first met.

I've never had an accident or even a negligent shot, I am fully aware of the law and have permission to shoot on two areas of land. There are no minors under the age of 16 living in my home and they are kept out of sight when I am not using them. I do enjoy shooting rabbits, and do eat them, however I have not brought one home as my 'gf' doesn't want me to. Before you cast anymore stones in my direction ask yourself this, am I a vegetarian, if the answer is no then your a hypocrit.

Rabbits destroy crops and endanger cattle and horses lives because they undermine the ground and their hooves can sink in causing their leg to break whereby they lie there in agony until they are usually put down. And despite hunting efforts, they will always be around as they can breed so quickly you can only manage populations.

As to the hero with the shot gun, you have no idea where your buck shot is going to land, I know I have done it from 50 yards you are lucky to hit it with 2-3 pieces of shot. At 50 yards I can hit a ten pence piece, so 'boom' and your rabbit is crawling around on the floor whilst mine has long since gone to sleep. Plus you have scared away every other rabbit for two miles whilst put all the other creatures around you into a state of panic.

Apparently I have also learnt that I am saving for something? Great I am sure I will enjoy it. However I joined a shooting club because of the people, I am sociable and wanted to make new friends as we live in a new area. Yes the new rifle is expensive however I spent weeks looking for the right one which I bought second hand. I don't smoke or drink and work very hard so don't feel that it was expensive, joining a gym would cost more.

Hope this has provided a more balanced view of my situation.

Kind regards
Mr vile and disrespectful

FatCunt · 15/03/2015 12:23
Shock

Had nobody bagged "IDGAF" until now?

Missed opportunity there Envy

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/03/2015 12:30

Mrskeats
"He also spends a fortune on them whilst we are trying to complete the renovation of our house which I also resent. I am economising by not getting my hair cut whilst he's spending £450 on a new gun."

idgaf
"Apparently I have also learnt that I am saving for something? Great I am sure I will enjoy it."

Yep, that looks pretty incompatible to me.

idgaf · 15/03/2015 12:31

Apologies, I should also say thank you to the reasonable people who can see that there are two sides to a story.

Precious bane, I would like a gun cabinet, however 'gf' won't let me install one. I would like to keep them secure incase our house is ever burgled. Plus I would like to try clay pigeon shooting at some point. Surely I can't be vilified for taking part in an Olympic sport?

Kind regards
Mr still vile and disrespectful

PosyFossill · 15/03/2015 12:40

Maybe talk to each other rather than calling a mumsnet referendum?

Nothing inherently wrong with airguns though, DP and I both enjoy target shooting and neither of us are violent psychopaths. We'll be teaching DD to shoot when she's old enough too.

£450 is pretty reasonable for an airgun. Mine was about that, DP's slightly more.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 15/03/2015 13:12

Ooooh I was on the OHs side - even more so after he actually gave it!Shock

You sound incompatible.
I live on a farm and there are enough firearms here to save us from zombie attacks, never mind a few bunnies. Yes they give me the heebie jeebies a bit and yes they're a bit expensive but we all have hobbies and this is one of DHs.

We also have an air rifle under the bed for picking off rabbits from the lawn of an evening. They are then fed to the dogs. HTH.

FuckingLiability · 15/03/2015 13:20

I'm afraid I'm agreeing with the bf/fiance on this one. OP needs to get a grip or find someone whose hobbies she does approve of.

Storing an air rifle under the bed is convenient because there's enough space and it won't get in the way. In fact, that's where ours are.

ChaiseLounger · 15/03/2015 13:26

I agreed with bf/OH entirely, even before he posted.

LividofLondinium · 15/03/2015 13:52

Interesting to hear your side of the story idgaf. Just a couple of questions though...

Had you and Mrskeats discussed funding the house renovation so it seems a fair mutual contribution? It's as though there's either been a communication break down (so a mismatch of expectations) or someone's letting the team down.

Could the gun be stored somewhere other than the bedroom? If you know her feelings on guns it does seem like a little act of defiance to have one under the bed.

What's with the "nagging" accusations? I do agree that it's a term used by men to shut women up when they have an opinion they don't like. Or if the woman is asking the man to stop what thy consider unreasonable behaviour. Regardless of the reasons it's a term that must die out.

ragged · 15/03/2015 13:53

Wow, you guys really gotta split. I wonder if he's contemplating putting all the culture vulture stuff on Ebay.

Original poster
Mrskeats · 15/03/2015 14:04

Hi am bowing out of my own thread as it's been hijacked

OP posts:
richthegreatcornholio · 15/03/2015 14:09

Seriously idgaf, your OH sounds like a nagging, controlling nightmare. I'd get rid if I was you, run like the wind!

Original poster
Mrskeats · 15/03/2015 14:13

Sorry can't resist
A woman has an opinion she is a nag. It's amazing really. And it is if I were you not was.
Oh and I don't have time or money for any hobbies at the moment

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 15/03/2015 14:18

Good luck sorting this out OP.

Idgaf, if your partner didnt show you this thread (rarely a good idea) it's not nice to snoop! And what's your beef with the police/CPS?!

ARoomWithoutAView · 15/03/2015 14:20

Looking at igdaf's post OP I would say the guns are more loved and respected than you are. That is the worrying bit, so I agree you are not really compatible.

AnnieMoor · 15/03/2015 14:22

Another rural one here.

My 16 year son has an air rifle, as do many of his friends.

He uses it to shoot rats in our garden.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/03/2015 14:27

Mrskeats, it has only been hijacked if you let it be so. You have no need to bow out, people here are responding to you based on their experiences, which can be of use to you. There has already been quite a spread of responses given.

Is idgaf who he says he is? If so, then this thread has at least served the purpose of bringing some things into the open between you, and in a way that can't result in 'I never said that'. But you should take the discussion with your OH into real life. From his post it does seem to me that there is a lot to discuss (e.g. are you saving or are you not? Are you engaged or not?). But do not feel pushed out of this thread, the perspectives of people not emotionally involved in your situation could still prove useful to you.

letscookbreakfast · 15/03/2015 14:27

Sorry OP but you don't sound compatible and after reading your other half's post I think YABU.

BuzzardBird · 15/03/2015 14:30

The guns are a red herring, it's his attitude to women that you should be worried about.

Can't understand any woman wanting to live with a misogynist.

I note he doesn't explain his use of misogynist language whilst interfering with his partners private internet thread.

steff13 · 15/03/2015 14:35

Oh and I don't have time or money for any hobbies at the moment.

Are your finances shared? If so, you should have money for your hobbies as well.

I agree with the PP, you don't sound very compatible. I think you (OP) are being unreasonable as far as the existence of the guns goes; you knew this was his hobby, if you are so opposed to it, you shouldn't have let the relationship get this serious. I think you are not being unreasonable regarding the money he spent, IF you have shared finances and IF you both agreed to save money towards home improvements AND he didn't use money that is designated for his own personal spending.

goodnessgraciousgouda · 15/03/2015 15:23

I love shot guns and have no problem with guns in general. I do however have a problem with people acting like knob ends. You can enjoy a hobby without rubbing your partners face in,it when you know they either fear it, or have a particular aversion to it. Guns are weapons. Used for other reasons too but weapons at a base level. It is not unreasonable for someone to be wary about weapons. It doesn't mean having to give up something important to you, but does mean working out a balance with your partner that is acceptable to the two of you.

should also point out that people can only EVER go on the information that is given. That should be obvious.

Also, snooping on your partners account when they are clearly seeking advice to get their thoughts together is fucking LOW.