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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why you would Christen your child

101 replies

BreacaBoudica · 14/03/2015 16:25

When you're not a Christian yourself? Just got snapped at on FB for asking this of a girl on a forum who asked how she'd go about getting her baby Christened...

My point was - if you're a practising Christian ask at your local church - if you're not, why do it? (Phrased slightly more delicately)

I can't see why people do this - they don't randomly take their kids to mosques or synagogues asking to sign their kids up to other religions they don't follow themselves...

Is it just for a party?

OP posts:

Charlotte3333 · 14/03/2015 17:36

My DC's are both christened, it was done at MIL's church and though we're not regular church-goers, both DH and I felt it was a pleasant way to celebrate them and to formally ask close friends to be Godparents. If I'm entirely honest, MIL was desperate for us to have them christened, and we were ok with going along with it.

gallicgirl · 14/03/2015 17:44

Because they can't see the hypocrisy?

I just keep my mouth shut though as it doesn't particularly hurt anyone. A practising Christian would know there's nothing biblical about baptising children. There's a fair chance it became popular when infant mortality rates were high.

XiCi · 14/03/2015 17:44

I imagine people who are not religious have their children christened to either appease family members or to ensure their child gets in a good school. All the best schools in my area are Catholic so this would have a bearing on alot of christenings.

Pandora37 · 14/03/2015 17:46

My sister christened hers so they could have the option of getting married in a CofE church if they want to. In a CofE church at least one of the couple has to have been christened or baptised to get married there. I did argue that if they felt that strongly they could get baptised as adults but I think there was pressure from my BIL's family. Which is ironic because my family are more religious than his (but we're not church goers and don't belong to any denomination but my family would call themselves Christians; his family aren't religious at all that I know of). I think in his family a christening was seen as the "done thing" and an excuse to show off the babies and go out for a meal. Which I don't agree with at all, but there you go.

I know plenty of couples who have got married in a church who have no religious belief purely because it's traditional or they think the church looks pretty (yes, that is a real reason someone said). And of course, the majority of funerals seem to have a Christian religious undertone regardless of whether the deceased actually believed or not (although I know humanist funerals are becoming more common). I think a lot of it is just tradition.

thegreylady · 14/03/2015 17:50

My dd did not have her dc christened. Recently her 8 year old ds has been saying that he wants to be christened. After some weeks where he has been absolutely unshakeable in his wish they have contacted the local vicar.

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 14/03/2015 17:55

Pandora, re sneering at 'church looks pretty' reasons. If you are not a Christian then a church can just be a 'pretty building' it has no special, holy or sacred significance, it is just a nice building.
Of course you could argue that it is hypocritical to have a religious ceremony if you have strong anti-religious beliefs just because you like the building but that is a different argument.

pointythings · 14/03/2015 18:04

We did it because DH's parents would have been heartbroken if we hadn't. I'm glad we did it - they are both gone now, before their time. We gave them that little bit of happiness.

No other reason.

Newlywed2013 · 14/03/2015 18:10

There are other options if not religious.m I'm atheist with many religions being practised in my family, we held a naming day for dd and choose guardians for her! If later on in life she wants to be christened/baptised then I will fully support that!

Pandora37 · 14/03/2015 18:20

I wasn't sneering, I just think it's a bit of a daft reason when the couple are very atheist and don't hide it. Especially when the ceremony is banging on about how they're brought together in front of God and all that kind of stuff and you know they don't believe a word of it and are only there because they think it's pretty. I find lots of mosques pretty but I wouldn't choose to get married in one because I don't follow the religion and it would be hypocritical. I accept that it's a bit different for a church though because Christianity is so pervading in our culture. I'm not an atheist but I know I couldn't stand up in a CofE church and say those vows. But I guess that's why they can - because they're atheist so they don't give a shit. I just don't understand why two very atheist people would choose to get married in a church. But as you say, it means nothing to them. It is interesting to think about.

Just remembered another reason my sister had her children christened was so they could be godparents in the future. She really wanted me to be their godmother but I haven't been christened so I couldn't, and I wasn't going to get baptised just so I could do it.

whatbecomesofsnow · 14/03/2015 18:41

My DD is baptized I'm not in any way religious nor is my family, DP's family on the other hand are all either baptized or christened but not practacing.
I was also very against it to begin with.
DP wasn't all that fussed to be honest but around here its a very small community mostly older people who do go to church.

My workplace is of a religious nature as well so I have to make the effort to go and I do take DD so at least when shes older she will know when to stand up/sit down etc unlike me and can make up her own mind.

I also feel that if we don't support our local churches we will lose them, they are an important part of our heritage and I would rather any future grandchildren or further generations could learn first hand from going rather than the history books which wont happen unless we support them

Boreoff456 · 14/03/2015 18:51

Its for the party, family expectation and/or school choice. On the flip side I got a verbal battering from sil because I didn't baptise my children. I was brought up catholic, but do not practice anymore and don't think religion should be forced on a child (my personal opinion). She felt I should get them baptised because just because its expected. Some people would do it because of external pressure. I told her to kind her own.

CocobearSqueeze · 14/03/2015 18:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ChristyMooreRocks · 14/03/2015 19:10

What's wrong with cultural Christian? I saw the phrase 'cultural catholic' on here once and thought 'oh, that's me!'

Love51 · 14/03/2015 19:14

The godparent thing - in my former church an older cousin was asked to be a godparent but hadnt been baptised so he was baptised in the same ceremony as his new godchild.
I think there can be a sense of wanting to do things properly. In your own mind you probably have a list of things parents 'should' do with babies that in reality arent necessary. Like bath them daily ( I know a few who went months without for medical reasons) or reading daily.

Original poster

BreacaBoudica · 14/03/2015 19:17

The range of responses is interesting - thanks everyone. I suppose I just think that if you don't intend to raise your child as a practising Christian (Sunday school and all that lark) it seems a bit odd. Naming parties are becoming more common, I thought, so that would be an option... anyway, thanks for your thoughts (Even those of you who think asking the question is terribly rude!) - much appreciated.

OP posts:

TooManyMochas · 14/03/2015 19:37

I don't get it either. My particular Christian tradition gets around it by not 'christening' anyone. We only baptise people old enough to decide for themselves.

BarbarianMum · 14/03/2015 19:46

I'm an atheist who married in church - my husband is a Christian. I would have agreed to having our children christened if he'd arranged it but equally wasn't bothered that he didn't. They can choose what they believe (at the time of writing one is an athletes and the other favours reincarnation).

BarbarianMum · 14/03/2015 19:47

Ha! One is an atheist - no athletes here.

EmEyeFaive · 14/03/2015 19:52

I'm an atheist. DS was Christened Catholic. DH didn't care either way, but MIL was in bits at the idea he wasn't Christened right off the bat because the rules were still "unbaptised babies don't go straight to heaven" back then.

I didn't feel that a ritual that meant nothing to me was a huge price to pay for giving the woman the peace she needed.

I doubt I'm the first or last person whose done it to help somebody else be able to breath out and just enjoy the kid without worrying about their soul.

happybubblebrain · 14/03/2015 19:54

I don't know why people do it and I think it is pretty unfair on the child.
If a child wants to be religious they should decide this for themselves when they're old enough.

RavioliOnToast · 14/03/2015 19:57

in complete honesty, I had DD christened to skip the waiting list for the playgroup based at the church cause it's the best in the area. other reasons were that tradition has it that to be a godparent you must be christened yourself and if in years to come DD marries a religious man, I believe some churches will only marry a couple of both have been christened. there was no rush for us to do it, but now it's done it just opens a few doors...

BooChunky · 14/03/2015 19:59

I did this.. DH and I aren't religious and not sure what we believe, but we had our DD's christened because it was important to my grandparents and DH's parents. We did have a party but it was only a tea and cake type thing, and we told people we didn't need presents.

What does it hurt anyone else? If it makes people happy, that's enough really isn't it.

EmEyeFaive · 14/03/2015 20:12

If a child wants to be religious they should decide this for themselves when they're old enough.

Which they can, and do do.

Heck I survived not only being christened at six weeks old, but confirmed at 12 as well. None of which put a dent in my atheism. Most of my generation similarly survived the above without being a religious adult.

A at 14 DS is an atheist. Has declared him self so quietly at home for years now. For all that he is on the Catholic roll call the cold, hard truth is his home carries far more influence in terms of colouring his views. All the same MIL lived and died with the peace of knowing (by her belief system) that he would be safe and sound with her when the time came.

DS knows the how and why of his entry into being a fully paid up Catholic. I hope what he takes from it that sometimes freedom from religion is the freedom to be kind. Becuase you aren't constrained by tightly held rules that threaten your soul's future if you make a priority of somebody else's potential pain caused your choices.

Blazing88 · 14/03/2015 20:30

They do it for party and presents. Convinced of this. Oh and to make a big fuss about it on FB.

BooChunky · 14/03/2015 22:36

That's not true Blazing.

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