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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have had it UP TO HERE with people mocking turned eyes.

63 replies

kiritekanawa · 14/03/2015 06:44

Until last year, the last time anyone had mocked my inward-turned eye was when I was in preschool and had just got glasses.

Last year I worked in the most bloody appalling worplace full of total loons, and one of their favourite in-jokes was to mock my eye and conclude that i must be "retarded" because of it. It was one of the reasons I gave when I resigned, saying that the workplace had many completely unacceptable features.

I thought that was the end of it.

And now a bunch of supposed friends on Facebook are passing among themselves a supposedly "funny" photo of a woman - and making derogatory remarks about the woman's intelligence and saying she must be inbred - where the only thing out of the ordinary about the photo is that she has a turned eye.

For the love of all that's holy, HONESTLY, is this even faintly acceptable in anyone's world? Really?

(venting on here, as there's really not a lot of point me venting anywhere else. I realise this is the second venting thread I've posted this week! )

OP posts:

Ohwhatsoccuring · 14/03/2015 06:54

That's disgusting behaviour, I'm sorry but I would have to make a comment on the Facebook post and I would hope that at least some of them would be ashamed of their actions. They really are not friends.

fairylightsbackintheloft · 14/03/2015 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ooooooooh · 14/03/2015 07:14

I would make a comment on FB 'what very nasty comments'

Then defriend the worst ones

phoebemac · 14/03/2015 07:19

Totally unacceptable and I would post a comment on FB.

OP, I had a very noticeable inward squint. Once, when I was at work in a meeting, one of the other attendees remarked that he couldn't tell who I was talking to. He spoke about me as if I wasn't there. I still feel angry when I think about it!

About 10 years ago, I got it corrected on the NHS at Moorfields. I was resistant for a long to time to having it done for lots of reasons, but am now very glad I did as it really made a huge difference to my confidence.

But of course no reason to get it corrected unless you want to, and no one should be making remarks about it.

Original poster

kiritekanawa · 14/03/2015 07:23

I have sent messages to each of the facebook people individually. Will see what happens there.

I got my squint as corrected as it can be, back in 1980 when I was three.

phoebemac that's extremely horrible of your colleague - unfortunately I had that remark too last year.

OP posts:

brittabot · 14/03/2015 07:24

How crappy, I feel for you OP. I had a severe squint as a child, 3 ops later and it only appears if I'm tired but I'm still very self conscious and find it difficult to meet people's eyes in conversation.

I would defriend anyone that mocked someone for having a squint, I suggest you do the same.

TheNewStatesman · 14/03/2015 07:28

:( I have not advice, but what shitty people!

phoebemac · 14/03/2015 07:34

Good for you OP.

Brittabot - I am the same, still very self conscious. Still hate having my photo taken almost to the point of having a phobia about it!

CMOTDibbler · 14/03/2015 07:45

Good on you for pulling them up on it.

I have a squint - fairly bad and unstable - which is still there after two surgeries, and as much muscle moved as they dared.

lanbro · 14/03/2015 07:48

Awful. My 3yo was diagnosed with a squint and got glasses at just over 1yo. She is now wearing a patch to strengthen her eye. I don't think I could be held responsible for my actions if anyone mocked her, and even worse that you are dealing with adults who should know better. Disgusting

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 14/03/2015 07:53

I had surgery when I was a child so, as with pp, it tends to rear its head when I am tired or take my glasses off/contacts out (they only operated on my weak eye, which is stronger without correction but I don't normally use).

That is horrendous behaviour. People seem to think it's ok to ridicule things like this. I'm confident bolshy enough to make some kind of comment back but appreciate it's not easy. I'm lucky in that most of my colleagues are aware that I can only see out of one eye at a time so are really good. There's one who subtly always walks down stairs before me as he knows my lack of depth perception means I'm paranoid about falling down!

Backtobedlam · 14/03/2015 07:59

What awful people. I certainly don't think this is the norm, but I do think sometimes social media provides the means to say things that even nasty people wouldn't dream of saying in real life, and some (clearly not very intelligent people) seem to just click 'like' on all sorts of things because they want to be in the crowd, rather than thinking what it actually means or is saying. I hope you say something to these 'friends' about how hurt you are and they realise how inappropriate comments/photos like this are.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 14/03/2015 08:03

First of all, unbelievably shitty behaviour demonstrated. So sorry you had to deal with that.

Secondly, I'm just going to assume that you were repeating what your coworkers were saying (and not using it yourself as a descriptor) when you used the word "retarded" since it is a pretty offensive term.

SunshineAndShadows · 14/03/2015 08:07

Alice I think the use of quote marks indicate that the OP was quoting her tormentors use of that word. She's probably aware of how offensive it is, being on the receiving end and all.....

Original poster

kiritekanawa · 14/03/2015 08:08

Alice - of course, no, I wouldn't use that term myself. I was translating the intent and substance of what my co-workers were saying last year.

OP posts:

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 14/03/2015 08:10

Kiritekanawa that's what I thought, but I was just clarifying. Note I didn't attack you in any way, just mentioned it... followed with a . No given at all.

hauntedhenry · 14/03/2015 08:12

Of course she was repeating what her co-workers said, Alice. That's why it's in quotation marks.

OP, you did the right thing on both counts.

Quadrophonic · 14/03/2015 08:14

I too have a convergent squint and have had so since a child. Its never been surgically corrected but I'm finding its getting worse as I get older, my eye feels constantly strained and my confidence takes a battering as Its really apparent in photographs and when I meet people I try not to look directly at them.

I've booked for a long overdue eye test on Monday and am hoping that I can be referred for surgery.

Has anyone had successful eye surgery as an adult? I'm a bit worried about double vision.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 14/03/2015 08:20

Quad do you have stereo vision at the moment? I never have (unless I try really hard but then I get a headache!) I think it's probably easiest if you don't, as your brain never puts the two together anyway. I suppose it depends on the degree of the squint?

I imagine a decent optometrist can test this out, by overriding the old 'car in the garage, bird in the cage' test to reflect your potential 'new' vision and see if your brain compensates?

DinosaursStillExist · 14/03/2015 08:21

Glad you've been able to pull them up on it OP, I'm sure that they'll feel very ashamed of themselves when they realise what they've done. If not then you're better off without their nastiness

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 14/03/2015 08:23

Quad I had the surgery to correct it when I was 18yo. I'm 49 now. After the surgery, I really only had the problem of double vision when I was really really overtired, so I feel it was successful.

Rosienufc · 14/03/2015 08:25

This is a sore point for me too. I had corrective surgery at 9 and 18 months old and wore a patch until age 7. I still have a bit of a lazy eye which is more noticible when I'm tired and I'm self conscious about having my photo took at the wrong angle in case it makes it more pronounced. OP what those people are are nothing more than bullies and you don't need people like that in your life

18yearstooold · 14/03/2015 08:27

I've had successful surgery as an adult having being told in the 80s it wouldn't be possible to do anymore surgeries

Times and techniques change

I had no binocular vision but did get double vision for about 12 hours post surgery which shocked me and the surgeon -but my brain quickly went back to ignoring my left eye and cosmetically it's brilliant!

Original poster

kiritekanawa · 14/03/2015 08:32

thankyou everyone who's offered sympathy, and sorry to hear other people have been through these things. I understand the self-consciousness, though of course you all shouldn't be

Interesting point that times and techniques change - i'm not now somewhere I could get it done, as I have more or less binocular vision, but I'll keep that in mind in case I ever come back to the UK and the NHS.

OP posts:

Marmot75 · 14/03/2015 08:33

As someone without a squint I hope I can assure you that I also think that is disgusting behaviour! I'm amazed that any adult would think it's ok to mock an aspect of someone's appearance like that. There is a woman at work with a squint and I have NEVER heard anyone mention it let alone say something negative. I like to think there a more plenty of workplaces like mine and the one where you worked (and the Facebook 'friends') are the exception.

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