Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have had it UP TO HERE with people mocking turned eyes.

63 replies

kiritekanawa · 14/03/2015 06:44

Until last year, the last time anyone had mocked my inward-turned eye was when I was in preschool and had just got glasses.

Last year I worked in the most bloody appalling worplace full of total loons, and one of their favourite in-jokes was to mock my eye and conclude that i must be "retarded" because of it. It was one of the reasons I gave when I resigned, saying that the workplace had many completely unacceptable features.

I thought that was the end of it.

And now a bunch of supposed friends on Facebook are passing among themselves a supposedly "funny" photo of a woman - and making derogatory remarks about the woman's intelligence and saying she must be inbred - where the only thing out of the ordinary about the photo is that she has a turned eye.

For the love of all that's holy, HONESTLY, is this even faintly acceptable in anyone's world? Really? Angry

(venting on here, as there's really not a lot of point me venting anywhere else. I realise this is the second venting thread I've posted this week! Confused)

OP posts:
Mitzi50 · 14/03/2015 08:34

SadAngry some people's rudeness and ignorance is quite stunning.

My daughter had 2 operations to correct a really bad squint as a young child but still has a problem when she's tired or drunk. She's had the comment about not knowing who she's talking to and got told off a couple of times at school for not looking when she was being spoken to. She has developed a bright and breezy, matter of fact response explaining that she has a squint which usually makes the speaker feel awkward if they've been trying to be rude or unkind (and explains to those who just don't know).

Don't waste another moment on the bitches on Facebook. I hope you're now working in a decent workplace. Flowers.

QueenBean · 14/03/2015 08:35

OP this is hideous behaviour, you did the right thing in pm-ing those responsible

phoebemac · 14/03/2015 09:55

Quad I had surgery in my 30s. I had a tiny bit of fleeting double vision now and again for a few weeks afterwards when reading, but it went away. I had "stereo" vision I think.

Quadrophonic · 14/03/2015 10:21

Thank you all, good to hear your positive stories, lets hope they'll agree to do it on the NHS, just looked up the cost privately and its between 2500 and 5000!

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 14/03/2015 10:52

18years That's really interesting! I'm the same as you in that my left eye is pretty much just 'there'. Don't have too many problems with how my eyes look day to day but good to know that there are options if it starts to get worse.

Crocodopolis · 14/03/2015 12:59

I'm sorry to hear o the insensitive comments, kiri.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 14/03/2015 13:02

That is so rude of them.

animallover27 · 14/03/2015 13:08

These people sound absolutely pathetic! No of course it's not acceptable, and for people to even think things like that never mind say it to you, is unbelievably hurtful. I know it will hurt, but try to focus on the fact that you are 100 times the person they will ever be. Always pull someone up on the comments - "I'm sorry, are you referring to my eye? What is it about this that bothers you?" or "I'm sure when you were making fun of my eye you didn't mean to cause offence but you did. Sometimes when people make personal comments like that it's hurtful, it's probably best you keep things like that to yourself."

KristenBell · 14/03/2015 15:03

That is awful Sad have they responded to the message you sent them yet?

I've had very few direct comments about my turned in eye, but I've heard rude comments about others with a squint which I confess I'm too wimpy to speak up against. I do nothing to draw more attention to my eye as I am so self conscious of it.

Sadly the most recent rude comment to me was from a close relation who pointed out loudly that I looked cross-eyed in a picture Hmm

Quad - I am currently in the process of considering surgery for my eye, and have been told by the dr that I measure worse than I look and am eligible for surgery. I was referred by my optician, who honestly told me that it wasn't that bad from an aesthetic point of view. So I suspect if your turn is noticeable at all then you will be eligible. If you aren't, I would take comfort from that as it would imply you look fine! If your optician at your eye test doesn't offer to refer you, then just ask. Or you can go to your gp and ask them to refer you. Good luck Flowers

carabos · 14/03/2015 16:22

I have a squint which is only visible in photographs where I'm not wearing specs, but I have horrible double vision - corrected with a prism in both lenses of my specs. I'd love to have it surgically corrected and my optician referred me to my GP for his opinion, in the hope that he would onwardly refer me to a consultant. GP read the optician's letter, made this face Hmmand said "but you don't have a squint". Anyway, he did refer me, but I didn't get past the consultant's handmaidens as the squint is almost invisible.

My optician is furious as the double vision is a massive problem - for example, I can't walk downstairs safely without my specs on, but because there's no "cosmetic" issue, surgery isn't available for me.

Original poster
kiritekanawa · 14/03/2015 19:55

KristenBell - one apologised by writing one of those "let's all share this long FB post full of general warm fuzzy statements and I'll know how much each of you cares by whether or not you post it on you FB wall" things.

The rest have had a conversation about how some weirdos can't take a joke, in the comments underneath the shared photo. I have defriended them. It leaves a nasty taste in the mouth - partly because I don't think people should be behaving like this, partly because it's all so monumentally teenagerish to be doing it on Facebook!

Good luck to those seeking or having surgery. I'll think of you enviously if you get it Smile

OP posts:
popalot · 14/03/2015 20:17

Wow! Can't believe adults behave like this. Reminds me a of a programe about visible disabilities that revealed many people had been publically ridiculed or assaulted because of what was perceived to be 'wrong with them'. This goes into that category. Totally vile. And doing it on FB so that everyone can see how vile they are. Take comfort that most people looking at their comments will now know them for what they are. And defriend the lot.

Ooooooooh · 14/03/2015 21:15

They sound very immature and not worth your time. You deserve better

Ooooooooh · 14/03/2015 21:17

How do you know these people?

ClockwiseCat · 14/03/2015 22:33

These people are quite clearly not your friends. Cut them out of your life. Their responses along the lines of some weirdos can't take a joke they sound too stupid to live. You really don't need idiots like that in your life.

BadPenny · 14/03/2015 22:56

Incredible - what happened to civilised behaviour?

Just seen this mentioned on BBC so I guess it's not uncommon...

Lizzie Velazquez

KristenBell · 15/03/2015 00:33

Oh no! Sad they are definitely not your friends - good on you for removing them.

I just can't comprehend why people think it's ok to act like this!

Back in school my DM used to tell us that people who said horrible things obviously weren't very clever. Back then I didn't believe her but as I get older I've realised it's true. These people are idiots and hopefully you aren't the only person to see their posts and realise it!

Having a squint is shitty enough without people openly taking the piss Angry

XLIX · 15/03/2015 00:49

So sorry and so angry for you! I had corrective surgery when I was three but when I am tired, my right eye tends to "wander". I would be devastated if any of my "friends" took the piss because of it. You deserve better, Op.

BlackeyedSusan · 15/03/2015 00:57

horrible behaviour.

why is it that people associate a turned in eye (or hair colour) with intellectual capactity? seems such an odd link. (perhaps the people who so link them are missing a few links themselves?)

HellKitty · 15/03/2015 01:09

I can't believe the rudeness of some people. You're better off without them in your life.

houseofnerds · 15/03/2015 01:17

Check out surgical options locally anyway, kiri. We had moved out of the UK (where they had been putting off surgery for dd2 for six years) and the first time the eye guy saw her here, he asked why the squint hadn't been surgically corrected and put her straight on his surgery list for six weeks hence.

The NHS ain't all that.

And yeah, they are 'friends' you can do without.

Original poster
kiritekanawa · 15/03/2015 03:17

BadPenny - Lizzie Velazquez's attitude is an inspiration.

houseofnerds - public health system here doesn't do much that's not acute/life-threatening... it's a country with Cameron-esque policies since the mid 1980s. Not a good advertisement for the neo-liberal experiment...

OP posts:
SandorClegane · 15/03/2015 09:17

Can I ask a question about eye contact? I haven't wanted to ask the people I know in person because I wouldn't want to make someone uncomfortable but which eye should people make eye contact with when someone has this? I'm sorry if that's a stupid/offensive question it's not supposed to be.

cremeeggboycotter · 15/03/2015 13:45

Bad friends, not nice people, I'm sorry OP.

When I see people pointing and poking fun it tells me more about those people then those they are being spiteful about.

MistressDeeCee · 15/03/2015 13:50

Bloody hell..are people REALLY that stupid?! Sorry OP...hope you can hold onto the fact that most people are intelligent and wouldn't be so idiotic as the morons you've mentioned