To think this 'office banter' went too far....

[askyfullofstars]

I work in an office with 2 departments in it. There are quite a lot of men in there and we generally have a good laugh. I do generally have a naughty sense of humour and so 'office banter' (much as I hate that phrase its the best way to describe it), generally consists of a lot of silly double entendres.
However, today I wore a v neck top and was subjected to comments such as "hey skyfull how much for a lapdance ha ha ha ha" and more.
I told them it was making me uncomfortable, I didnt like it and while we usually have a bit of a joke they were taking it too far (and FFS it was a v top, not like I was flashing my cleavage).
And suddenly they get all arsey and tell me I cant take a joke, its only banter.
I feel a bit torn, like I want to complain but I dont feel like I can as up to that point we always had a bit of a laugh. I just feel this overstepped the mark.
Think I'll wear a polo neck tomorrow...

Ugh. That does overstep a line, because it's about you.

Bang out of order.

TBH it sounds like it went too far but if you all get on well and have a lot of banter anyway I think in your position I'd have just told them to fuck off.

Completely unacceptable. They were making sexist remarks that singled you out - and you're in the wrong??? They were completely out of line. Do you feel in a position to complain?

Ok I do think it was crossing the line however given the banter you participate in I can understand that they maybe didn't realise it would make you uncomfortable so in that sense I don't think they were completely unreasonable however they were by not apologising and stopping when you said it made you uncomfortable.

Yanbu - They crossed a line, but it sounds like they prob felt bad and went on the defensive when you told them. Personally, I wouldn't complain to managers etc but I would look for an opportunity to rib them back!

Obviously that's completely out of order, but how near the knuckle is what you dish out and call banter? If they have no reason to think that you'd enjoy it/give as good as you get, then absolutely complain.

That's not on.

I work in a heavily male environment and there is a fair amount of banter, but they never make it personal or sexual, as it would make everyone (not just the women) very uncomfortable.

You said that you took part in that sort of banter, it works both ways. If you can hand it out, you need to be able to take it back.

Tricky I think if you've participated in double entendre type banter - maybe they think you don't mind if you have dished out Benny Hill style repartee to them?

Blurred lines maybe?

Don't wear a polo neck tomorrow - I'm sure that would be commented on too.

And I don't mean the song!

Oh don't complain ffs, you said in your post that you have a 'naughty' sense of humour and office banter consists of 'lots of double entendres'; if you have this kind of 'banter' already, isn't it a bit confusing when you suddenly change the rules of the 'banter'? No wonder some men think women are bonkers.

I think general double entendres is different to asking someone what she wants for a lapdance Spartacus, but agree, whether it was indeed over the line, depends very much on what Op has been dishing out.

OP, you seem very sure that it was the top that lead to the comments, why, if it's just a regular v neck with no cleavage?

They were being vu both for the remarks and the attempts to make you feel bad for explaining that they were making you uncomfortable - don't change what you wear and if they try to carry it on making you feel bad for asking them to stop I am sure that mnetters can help with some good comebacks or techniques.

Hole the OP said she has a 'naughty' SoH. Someone asking for a lapdance in a humorous manner might just think they are appealing to the OP's 'naughty' SoH. It's just too confusing. Have banter, don't have banter, but don't blur the lines to suit if you can't take what's dished out.

The OP befuddled them. Instead of the usual 'naughty askyfullofstars', they got 'prudish askyfullofastars'. I'd find that confusing too. Be consistent or give up on the 'banter' altogether if you're easily offended, 'banter' clearly isn't for some people.

Can't you take a joke = the bully's defence.

Sorry I was about to put DS to bed so probably didnt explain too well.
The silly 'naughty' jokes are usually stuff like "skyfulls having her weekly bit of sausage haha" when we get butties on Monday. Which is all silly and harmless enough as it doesnt feel personal (thought Id use that example as it shows that I do usually 'take it' with good humour as a pp suggested I do).
The issue I have with today is it just felt more personal, sleazier. The thing which got me,which I found too much was the "oooo but its only a bit of fun" and then it didnt stop.
If they had realised I didnt like it and gone on the defensive and stopped that would have been the end of it, but they didnt (Im sorry I shouldve made that clearer in my OP).
I had "bet you could park a bike in your cleavage" and what they thought was there piece de resistance....emailing a friend in the office next door to come in as Ive got something to show him.

They are confused - you banter about some things, but then get funny over something they consider to be banter. A lot of men just can't understand where the line is - or even if there IS a line. If you don't want 'personal' banter, then stop bantering altogether.

Absolutely Spartacus. I worked for years in a male dominated office. They knew I enjoyed a rude joke and could flirt at bit, but no-one would ever have dared comment on my appearance or said anything personal to me, because they knew I wouldn't stand for appreciate it.

Without knowing what the Op is like at work, we don't know, but on the face of it, what she experienced goes beyond a naughty SoH IMO

i would hate any banter like that and I wouldn't laugh because it isnt just "silly or naughty".

It's making them thing it's okay to joke like that.

Would you like them to speak to your daughter like that? If you have one?

Feckless, I actually think what is most confusing for men ,poor things, is the way some men can say things that would be downright creepy coming from other men. I couldn't begin to explain why but I've noticed there's one man at work who can pretty much get away with saying anything and no-one even considers being offended and another who barely has to breathe before it just feels inappropriate.

I think yabu in that you enjoy these rude jokes if it's not about you but then get upset when it is. You should have said something.

I thought the first example of the banter (sausage) was actually much worse than what is bothering you (comment on the clothes). If that is an actual example (and not something you made up because you don't want to be identified by an actual example), then I think your colleagues don't know where the line is. Frankly, sexual innuendos aren't office banter. Either someone is flirting or someone is being harassed but they're never "just jokes"