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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed of people asking why I'm staying part time even though DC is at school now

89 replies

sPJPPp · 12/03/2015 17:18

I get this all the time from work and outside. No one seems to understand I just value time more. Yes I may have a small house, an old car and don't go on fancy holidays, but I'd much rather have it like this than work full time. There just seems to be an assumption that people will go back to being full Time, when I never want to do that.

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 12/03/2015 19:20

How many people really ask? Has it been a couple in the last few days so 'felt' like a lot, or are people falling over themselves to mention it (you say 'all the time')?

I know loads of people who working PT, and loads who work FT. Some don't work at all. No-one seems to be that interested beyond being polite, everyone is busy getting on with their choice/life. I've never encountered an assumption about anything to do with PT/FT, just the normal chatty pleasantries.

It's probably just polite chit-chat in many cases. Either people know you well enough to know how you choose to live, or they don't and so don't need an explantation about your house/car/whatever. Either way, a brief reply should do it and move on.

Mostlyjustaluker · 12/03/2015 19:28

Tell them is so you can create a new swinger club/dress as a clown/have more time for shagging/knit tea cosies or whatever you fancy saying.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 12/03/2015 19:29

I'm in a team of 8 all 5 women in the team have primary age kids and all work 3 days. I find it makes the logistics much easier and I generally have plenty to do on days off, some fun, some not...

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 12/03/2015 20:37

I went part time once DDs were in school a few years. It really eased the juggle of homework, hobbies, etc. I found it much busier once they went to school, especially after the first year or two.

WorraLiberty · 12/03/2015 22:07

Worra He who pays the piper calls the tune IMO - benefits are just funds that have been taken (under pain of imprisonment) from one person and given to another.

All of us have the right to challenge this. Well, those who pay tax

No. You have the right to challenge the government.

You have no rights to go around challenging individual people, about their perfectly legal choices.

OddBodkins · 12/03/2015 22:28

I'm sorry people have been annoying you by incessantly asking this, how rude and nosey. I'd never dream of challenging people like that. I've been or since having Dd 12 years ago. I think we'd all find it hard if I went ft. DW works away in the week and I so value the days I get to relax a bit more and spend time with Dd. In some ways I feel as if she needs me more now than she did when she was younger.

iwishicouldsing · 12/03/2015 22:28

Battery - that would be a very big assumption about a person's pt work anyway. When I worked 3 days a week (am a sahp now) I earned a lot more than the national median wage for ft work. You can't just assume that because someone works pt they must be earning less than you. Plenty of well paying jobs offer flexible working.

I agree with others that you have no business challenging people anyway but thought it worth pointing out that some pt workers will earn more than you do. You wouldn't want to look foolish.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 12/03/2015 22:31

I went back part time when my youngest was 7 and my oldest 9.

they are now 24 and 26 and I still only do four days a week. Hell will freeze over before I work on a Friday.

clam · 12/03/2015 22:32

Well, I'm part-time and my youngest is in 6th form. No one in all that time has ever asked me why. And if they did, they'd be met with one of my raised eyebrows. I think it's a pretty rude question.

Mehitabel6 · 12/03/2015 22:34

I don't see why you need to explain or justify. Smile, nod and ignore.

Mehitabel6 · 12/03/2015 22:37

I was always part time whatever age my children- the only way to get a work life balance.

sanfairyanne · 12/03/2015 22:37

weird! hardly any mum i know works full time even once the kids are all in school. its the norm round here to be pt.

Pyjamasandwine · 12/03/2015 22:39

I suprised op as it's so commen to work pt.

I hated hated working full time and still want to drop a day now to do 3 days.

Dh works away and I do all the chores so I need to work less outside the home as I do all the chores in it.

Tell them to bugger off.

Original poster
sPJPPp · 13/03/2015 06:43

Wow battery if anyone when into financial details of my work I would definitely tell them to mind their own business. As long as its within the law no one has the right to go into my finances!

OP posts:
CPtart · 13/03/2015 07:03

My DC are 9 and 12 and I'm still pt. There's no way we could cover all the weeks of school and summer holidays, inset days etc if I worked 5 days (we still struggle) even if I wanted too. The cost alone of before, after school and half term clubs would wipe out any financial gain.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/03/2015 07:16

I'm staying p/t for the foreseeable future, mine are 9 and 11and have very busy after school schedules (sports etc) which would not be possible if I worked ft, plus I study and have an allotment and like meeting my other pt friends for a coffee on Fridays. If anything happened to this job I might have to reconsider but otherwise I'm definitely staying pt. Never had any negative comments on it though.

loveableshoulder · 13/03/2015 07:25

Dd2 is due to start school in September and I work three days, I have no intention of upping my hours, probably until both DDs are at high school - if ver

I did consider upping to four days, but as a teacher I would have zero flexibility to go to assemblies etc, and I would have more marking etc to do and less time to do it in. I would have a breakdown, I'm certain.

The way I see it, in my days off I will have contact with the school, do some marking, get housework and shopping done, time to run, read etc. Then DH will get some well-earned downtime at the weekends without me feeling resentful. We can manage on the money. Everyone's happy.

YANBU.

superslippers · 13/03/2015 10:00

Part-time working is pretty common around here. I've been part-time since DS was 4 and he's now 16! I've only been asked a handful of times about whether I'd go full time, but not in a judgy way that implies I should be doing it - just curiosity. I don't plan to go back to full time working at all. Even though DS is more independent now, I've ended up filling the time with interests, voluntary work and house maintenance which keeps me busy enough. No need to justify your choices to anyone.

wifeandmotherandlotsofother · 13/03/2015 11:14

I have worked part time since I had my eldest daughter, she is now 23. I can't remember anyone ever asking me why I wasn't full time.

BabyGanoush · 13/03/2015 11:24

funny, nobody ever asked me this.

DH says it's because people are scared of me Shock

Writerwannabe83 · 13/03/2015 11:27

I have a DS aged 11 months and have just returned to work after maternity and do 32.5 hours over 2.5 days.

I've had some if my colleagues give me pitying looks about the "huge amount of I do." Hmm They can't understand why I would choose they option. Financially I don't have to work those hours so I feel judged by others who seem can't understand why I don't do less.

When DS starts school I will definitely go back full time. Which I think is fair in terms of equal contributions to the household. I wouldn't feel right if I was working part time and having days to myself when DS was at school whilst my DH was having to work full time.

BathshebaDarkstone · 13/03/2015 11:28

Battery sometimes losing benefits means you can't afford to pay the rent. I'd need to earn a hell of a lot to make it worth my while working full time. I'm not one of these rich MN mums.

Chillyegg · 13/03/2015 11:38

I think its poor taste to ask people about their financial situations including their choice of work.

Battery if someone challenged me about my work and asked me to justify my choice. Id tell them to piss of.

sanfairyanne · 13/03/2015 11:57

writerwannabe83 your child is still very young and you only have one. working full time is much easier in terms of organisation when they are at nursery, although of course it depends on your situation. those with family support networks or full time nannies are the only ones working full time round here. compressed hours are good though.

sanfairyanne · 13/03/2015 12:58

actually, that reminded me, i did work full time between ds1 and ds2 Grin i had completely forgotten! it was dead easy - nanny at home, no clubs to go to, no assemblies to attend, no last minute requests for world book day outfits. i couldnt face it now, 3 kids later, although it is quite possible i just got lazier over time Grin