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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to help take DS's class swimming next week?

72 replies

CocktailQueen · 11/03/2015 22:58

Volunteered to help take DS's class swimming as a parent helper. Most of the class is lovely but a few of the boys are just a nightmare - constantly talking, never listening, fooling around getting changed, etc., so all my time is taken up by chivvying them along and none is left for all the lovely kids who are getting on with it and not being a PITA.

They have NO respect for adults - the teacher or I will ask them to be quiet and literally a second later they'll be making bonkers noises or chatting again or towel flicking or whatever - gahhhhh.

I had a headache after swimming today! Have done 8 weeks out of 10. WIBU to tell the teacher I don't want to volunteer next week - and why? Or would I be being a wuss? Or WIBU to speak to the teacher about their behaviour??

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 11/03/2015 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 11/03/2015 23:04

Oh, there is more than me, but I'm the only DBS-checked one so I'm in the boys' changing room with them.

OP posts:
ILovePud · 11/03/2015 23:05

I think if you're a volunteer you shouldn't feel that you have to continue with this as it's stressing you out and you don't have to justify your reasons. Did you sign up to do it for a certain period? Do they have enough other parent helpers if you pull out for next week, if they won't then I think it would be polite to give a couple of weeks notice.

ILovePud · 11/03/2015 23:08

x posted, I had read your OP as you having attended 8 of the past 10 weeks not that there is only 2 weeks to go. If you are the only CRB checked helper what is there plan B if you were ill one week?

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 11/03/2015 23:08

They do have enough helpers for next week. Teacher and TA go too, along with other parents. Hmmmm. Will think.

OP posts:
ILovePud · 11/03/2015 23:15

Surely teacher and TA are both CRB cleared so there shouldn't be any issue with not having a suitable person to go into the boys' and girls' changing rooms. I'd let them know I couldn't go, volunteer work shouldn't make you feel like this.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 11/03/2015 23:20

I'm a swimming teacher and know how rowdy they can get while changing but that sounds extreme. What does their class teacher say about it? What does the swim teacher say about it ? Is the behaviour carried on when out on poolside? Could you speak to the HT?

I would try and fix the solution as I know how valuable volunteers are when bringing the children swimming. Can the teacher not swop with you and you go in with the girls? Are there members of the public in the changing rooms too?

BackforGood · 11/03/2015 23:23

Why can't they chat ? Confused

I used to love hearing children chatter about all sorts of other things when I took classes swimming - one of the real 'plus points' to an otherwise fairly pointless exercise for a lot of the children.

Permanentlyexhausted · 11/03/2015 23:27

How old are these kids? What happens when they start to misbehave? I think speaking to the teacher might be a good idea - say you've noticed that there are a few boys who always need chivvying along more than the others and you wonder if there is anything you and she could do to help the situation. (Is that appropriate - perhaps teachers could tell me?)

You're a volunteer so you don't have to help at swimming. Whether you stop and if so, how much notice you give is between you and your conscience.

Northernparent68 · 12/03/2015 06:24

Let them chat and towel flick, what does it matter ? Do nt stress out over some thing that is nt important

clam · 12/03/2015 06:39

Let them flick towels? Hmm

Yeah, great idea.

OP, the behaviour of these children is actually not your responsibility to stress over. It is up to the class teacher to manage. It doesn't sound time as if she or the school is being very effective, actually, if the children are behaving like this. Sounds like there's a much wider issue to be concerned about.

Callooh · 12/03/2015 06:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

meandjulio · 12/03/2015 06:54

I think you should try your best to stick it out for the last two weeks (I would take aspirin beforehand) but then write a letter to the teacher saying that the behaviour of some of the class meant you wanted to spend less time with them and hadn't enjoyed it as much. That might be a resource the teacher could use with the class?

Thumbcat · 12/03/2015 06:56

In our school the class teacher always takes the kids who are a bit of a handful, they'd never be given to a parent helper. Can you not ask to be given a different group to supervise?

toomuchicecream · 12/03/2015 07:00

Why isn't the teacher/TA in there with them ??? My understanding is that a parent without a DBS could also be in there AS LONG AS the teacher is always there and can always see them too

clam · 12/03/2015 07:25

Good behaviour at swimming lessons is even more vital than at other times of the school day, because of the greater potential for accidents/injury. Even though you're talking about the changing rooms, I would be very concerned that that behaviour would be also on display in the actual pool.

If you're not landing the school in it with regards to supervision, and you're not enjoying it, I'd say you're not available for the last two weeks. Maybe let another parent step up.

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 12/03/2015 08:04

Thanks, all. The teacher pops in to the changing rooms too, but I'm in there all the time. They're ok once they're in the pool - the changing rooms is def. the worst bit. I've already taken a couple of the chattiest ones and separated them from each other. Think I may have a word with the teacher and ask her to chat to them before next week.

For those who said, why can't they talk and towel-flick, well.... if you take your own dc they can do what they want. When you have a changing room of 15 boys they need to be able to be quiet so they can hear other people. Also the chatterers are always last getting ready so I have to ignore the others and spend my time chivvying them along or we could miss the bus back. It's not fun, It's stressful. And it's not fair on the good kids.

OP posts:
eosmum · 12/03/2015 08:11

Can the teacher get the troublesome ones out first so they have to get dressed before the others, punishing them without punishing the others. Say that they obviously need more time to change as they are always the ones holding everyone else up?

MissDuke · 12/03/2015 08:16

You have done your fair share of helping, don't feel bad!

MyFirstName · 12/03/2015 08:16

Could you ask the teacher if there could be a consequence for the chatty ones? They have to get on the bus in their swimmers and towel? Have to get out of the pool earlier.

Or rewards for those who get changed "efficiently".

Or ask for the lesson to be 5 minutes shorter so that there is not the rush?

How old are they? Stickers till working? Or detentions if older?

If none of these are possible then deep breath....
I
s it your responsibility if they are not ready? I am guessing it is in fact the teacher's.

And would the bus really leave without you?

Not meaning to sound attacky at you btw..just wondering if you have got yourself stressed about it (understandably, I think I would too) but that in reality you could take a deep breath and let it wash over you. Do your best without the adrenaline factor iyswim.

MyFirstName · 12/03/2015 08:17

And I would tell the teacher how you feel. He/She would probably rather you did and they could re-deploy you to a different volunteering role (ie not the boys changing rooms) rather than lose your help completely.

TheSolitaryWanderer · 12/03/2015 08:24

'For those who said, why can't they talk and towel-flick, well.... if you take your own dc they can do what they want. '

And that's why those boys are choosing not to remember that school and home have different rules.
I'd stick it out for two weeks, but I'd tell the teacher I was quitting and why. You are not there to be ignored and disrespected, and knowing the consequences might make the children see that it isn't all a game with no aftermath.

keepsmiling2015 · 12/03/2015 08:42

I think you've just described the majority of boys behaviour while excited at swimming. If you don't want to finish off volunteering then don't. But I think YABU and you're being a bit of a wuss - sorry Hmm

SunnyBaudelaire · 12/03/2015 08:47

what did you expect that would line up silently and shuffle quietly in a file into the pool?
chatting and towel flicking! quelle surprise!

TeenAndTween · 12/03/2015 08:51

When I assisted with DD's class I ended up refusing to have 2 certain children near me for the walk.

In your case I would ask that a teacher is in there for the whole time, not you.