to be put out by being trumped by MIL on Mother's Day?

[TotallyUninspired]

This is silly. But I genuinely don't know if I'm being a tit or not. DH will be out two nights this week plus away all day Saturday (all jaunts), leaving me to solo parent our small DCs. I was fine with this.
Now he has informed me that because it's Mother's Day on Sunday he and the DCs will be spending the day with his mother (who will be with his sister for the weekend), and they would like me to come but I don't have to. I think he was trying to be nice by saying the last bit as he knows spending the day with MIL isn't top of my list of fun things to do, but the whole thing has pissed me off.
I don't want to go, but if I don't go it's sending a pretty rude message to MIL (who I don't wish to offend, just to avoid). He knew I wouldn't be keen to do this which is why he's gone ahead and arranged it without discussing it with me. But should I just accept that grandmothers trump mothers on Mother's Day and avoid causing trouble over something that isn't a big deal?

I would be very upset because your DH should have asked you and been open about wanting to spend some time with his mother on Mothers Day. It is very rude to just presume and I don't see any consideration given to your Mother OP.

In my world, once married #1 person in your life is your spouse, then kids, then parents followed by everyone else (ie siblings, in-laws and their children). I had to spell this out to my DH and since doing that he got the message. It was awful to have to explain this to a grown man but he didn't have a clue and thought it was absolutely acceptable to arrange things with his mother before running it by me.

Gosh want that sounds horrible. I assume, as an adult, that I am allowed to arrange stuff with my mother without my DP seeing it as a personal affront and a snub to his position in the designated pecking order.

If a person wants to see their own mom on mothers day, where is the problem with that? It's not a flipping love competition

How refreshingly pleasant to have such a calm & civilised ending!

I'm not expecting much on Mother's Day but will have to sort my mother, dh's mother & them both again as grandmothers, on top of which it's my mothers birthday tomorrow. Just finishing the children's pictures for her now. I will need wine after the late putting to bed & current meltdown starting about the hole in the picture. Aargh!

There are going to be endless threads about this and they always end up at an impasse.

OP... What are you doing for your MIL and your own Mum? Even as a family unit, you have other mothers who are a mother figure for you as well as your husband. He could and should help your children make a card, get some flowers for you... it's their job though, not his - his is a supporting role and he has his own mother who he will make a fuss of/acknowledge.

I think your husband has probably heard your voice about leaving you to the childcare and has thought of a way around that, whilst doing his own Mothers' Day thing with his own Mum. You don't want to go - he's happy to go without you to let you have a day of peace. If that's not what you want then go with them.

You could keep your children with you but that would only be Making.A.Point would it not? What are your expectations of the day? I'm asking because I actually think that you should be supported and appreciated by the father of your children every single day - and you should do the same for him. If you're a unit then nobody has the upper hand or trumps anybody else in the unit.

I can see why some mothers get horribly disappointed, it's almost like a competition and an opportunity to place demands rather than what it was supposed to be about. That's sad.

The Mumzillas are out in force on this thread (barring the odd voices of reason here and there)!

my dream mothers day is for everyone to f'off and leave me in peace for a whole day, but i know i can't ask for that.

Bit Before now DH has decided to take off 3-4 days vacation on trips back to his home country (we live 3000 miles away) so he can spend some time with his parents. Nothing wrong with doing this per se but its something you need to run by your spouse before it is agreed with the parents. I was left on my own for two weekends in a row with two under 2. As it happens I have a very full time job (60+hrs a week and 10+ hours of commuting) and by the time DH got back I was exhausted. I then bit his head off when he had the nerve to complain to me of being tired.

I think its terribly wrong to arrange things on what is an important day for mothers with your own mother before checking with the mother of your children. Not to say you can't go but you should darn well check first before making plans. The OP is disappointed and rightly so IMO. After something similar happening to me I stepped off the doormat and made my expectations crystal clear. Since then DH has followed my lead and consults me first, just as I consult him first when we have conflicts in schedules. There hasn't been a single issue since. Some people (men and women) just don't think these things through.

I'm thinking along the lines as some. House to myself for a full day with no kids about.

That's my kind of mothers day.. Bliss on a stick

Sounds perfect OP. I thought Mother's Day was last weekend, shows how much it registers with me .

I did too, anothernumberone. Is it late this year?