aibu to think the school can get fucked telling me what i can and can't put in packups

[InTheWhiteRoom]

ds is 8

he came home with a letter saying his pack up today was inappropriate. it was a very patronising letter "we promote healthy eating" and all that shit.... i can only assume this is because as I put a marshmallow in his pack up. a SINGLE marshmallow. along with his sandwich (cheese salad on granary) 2 bits of fruit and a yoghurt.

aibu to think I am the parent and I decide what goes in lunches?

jeez anyone would think his pack up was a can of coke and a packet of biscuits.

Schools do indeed control uniform, behaviour etc but there are so many inconsistencies between what some of them deem appropriate for a lunchbox and what is allowed for school dinners. That's what bugs me. The packed lunch child cannot under any circumstances have a cake in their lunchbox. But it's fine for the hot lunch kids to be fed 'sponge and custard' or the like.

Ds2 has hot lunches and without fail has some kind of sugar laden carby pudding every day. Fruit muffin, chocolate crunchie cake, shortbread, iced biscuit, you name it, they get it. I don't mind him getting the puddings really but it drives me nuts that the schools then go all holier than thou about a packed lunch child eating anything other than sandwiches and fruit!

RavenAK - With each page that I have scrolled through I have dreaded having to read another of your comments. Perhaps if you took your head out from where it's firmly stuck up your own backside people might be able to hear your side of it more. 'Oh we laugh at all the parents who don't agree with us chortlechortle* we even make a note of it on our notice boards in the staff room' 'We will try even harder to make sure that child is watched upon like a hawk compared to all others just to make a point (vilifying a child over the parents choice)' - MN's we are not all like this, some actually like the parents to question what isn't ultimately our decision rather than use it as a power tactic!

I am both teacher and parent, I will also try to be fair. As a parent I would be irritated to receive a letter over one marshmallow, I feel to have a balanced lifestyle you also need to incorporate treats and this should be down to me and not a governing body. Teachers are not trained dieticians, so are not trained to give advice in this aspect. As far as I am aware there is no set in stone list as to what can and cannot be eaten so how is it decided? By whomever is on duty that day, do all opinions not differ so that one day what person says is okay another person may confiscate - This sends mixed messages. As a teacher and a parent I also believe that in some cases such as the ones mentioned with McDonalds and coke SHOULD be addressed but this would be a concern over welfare or say if the child was very overweight with no known medical condition then it should be brought up firstly with the parents and then to higher bodies if necessary.

Parents should have a right as to what happens with children at school or not. If a parent came in to me later on and said my child is refusing to eat and think they're fat because they've had treats taken away at school I would be devastated. It's about BALANCE not all fat free, diets! Wholesome food and a bit of sugar never hurt anyone. This is why younger and younger girls are getting eating disorders because they are questioning what they are eating too early. It's not about banning ANY food groups it's about eating them in moderation, THAT is what we need to be teaching children.

" asked the cook how she made them taste so nice without sugar. She said brightly 'Oh we use golden syrup' I mean, wtf?!"

Like all the mumsnetters who say their child never touches sugar- they only have honey..............

Hiya TeacherMummy. Sorry to have irritated you!

Interesting paraphrases you have there, though. I haven't said any of those things. I take particular umbrage at having misattributed to me a suggestion that I might 'make sure that child is watched upon like a hawk compared to all others' because a parent had taken exception to a policy. Honestly, even if I were in any way involved in lunchbox 'policing', which I'm not - as I'm a member of the teaching staff - I'm not in the habit of conducting bizarre vendettas against some poor kid for the crime of having baity parents! .

I don't agree with all my own children's school's policies, & I have on more than one occasion written to them politely to say so (dodgy scammer tutor types being promoted via letters in bookbags was the last one, & parental pressure eventually saw off bloody Operation Christmas Child).

However, the fact remains that schools do have the power to decide what children aren't allowed to bring in, & to confiscate accordingly. Telling them to 'get fucked' over a marshmallow seems a bit disproportionate, IMO.

I do think that clear guidelines, while not a perfect solution, are the least time-wasting & most pragmatic response to some parents sending totally unsuitable packed lunches. I've fallen foul of it myself, over a chocolate coin. No big deal - a lack of sweets in the lunchbox won't harm them, anymore than wearing a lurid polyester sweatshirt 5 days a week will.

I'd much rather take the school on over the crap quality of their hot meals. That strikes me as a much more worthwhile issue to get wound up about.

Anyway, sorry you think I've got my head up my arse! Must be the comedown from being Ofsteded all week. I'll see if I can hoick it out long enough to get some down my neck....

I work in a school providing cover and over lunch period. And yes I agree the whole healthy eating has gone overboard especially in some schools and it is up to the head to decide on the rules, the staff to implement them and the parents and students to abide by them.
Personally a bit of chocolate or sweets in a relatively healthy packed lunch doesn't harm a kid especially considering there's usually a biscuit or cake as an option for afters on the school dinner menu so I don't see why they can eat that but the kids with packed lunch can't have theirs it's biased.

YANBU AT ALL! We had parents evening at our 3 DC school last night. Our Ds' 7 (twins) are very slim and our DD nearly 10 is stocky though not anywhere near dealing with childhood obesity. The head teacher in a roundabout way tried to tell us that she 'had some concerns' that the children were sometimes hungry and that should they 'feel they needed to' would we pay for a school lunch if they gave them one - The background to this is that ONE TIME the sandwiches were left in the fridge by accident and were taken in during OUR lunch hour which was during the last half hour of their lunch hour and my DD ONCE took half an onion wrapped in foil from the fridge rather than her cake wrapped in foil (because we was too busy bossing her brothers about to notice) She basically made us feel that we are under feeding our boys as 'they feel we should be feeding them up' (direct quote) I was really shocked at the time and so just took it. I'm actually really pissed off. We don't stuff their lunch boxes with processed stuff as we eat a whole food diet. They have a roll or sandwich with tuna, cheese, roast chicken etc, fruit, homemade cake and a drink. They also take fruit and a small baggie of popcorn for a snack at break. I sent a letter in today saying thank you for your concern now F#*k off but politely.

What's all this pack up talk?

Is it what was formally known as a lunch box?

hehehe ahh I think that may be the influence of the mighty Pinterest Pyjamas along with the spate of advocado chocolate desserts on the current Masterchef

My DS's pre-school were like this, there was a list of what we couldn't pack. At the DC's school it's compulsory school meals.

YABU - if one does it, they all do it. Sometimes rules really are there for everyone's benefit.

Oh for gods sake. I cant believe how many of the PC-healthy-quinoa-loving brigade are on here. Stupid comments about marshmallows being a choking hazard and some kids once having had a happy meal for lunch are not helping the entire issue.

Personally, I think it's up to the parents to police lunchboxes, with the school stepping in only where there is some major concern - i.e where a child has a takeaway every day etc. Sticking one sweet or a mini pack of haribo into your kid's lunchbox isn't going to hurt them. Everything in moderation is fine.

I find it utterly bizarre that so many people are defending the sheer scale and insanity of the lunch box policing that goes on these days.

duchess just because you think it's OK to give your kids sweets every day doesn't make it so.

Yeah, the American Association of Pediatrics clearly knows fuck all about what chokes children.

I cut grapes too, and sausages (lengthways). What an overreaction.

But would you still prohibit marshmallows and cut up grapes and sausages for an 8 year old, the age of the OP's son?

My son's school allows no treat of any description - no cake, bun, flapjack, sweet, popcorn etc etc.

BUT they give the kids HARIBO for being 'good' in school at random intervals. Apparently my son got one for 'doing good prayer hands'

Mine thankfully is in Y11 now so I don't have to worry.
Middle school banned ALL chocolate but had no problems with crisps?

DS would not eat school meals as he hated Pizza and anything with sauce or gravy over it and doesn't like chips or butter so couldn't eat the jacket potatoes.

DS took chocolate spread sandwiches, everyday for about a month - they had no problem with this? His new fave is biscuit spread sandwiches - he eats them at school and often has it on toast after school if he wants a snack and I am not in (he is 15 now.

I provide well balanced meals on a daily basis for evening meals and he has breakfast everyday (not sugary cereals but I don't ban them) so I don't care what he eats at lunch as long as he eats.

Telling them to 'get fucked' over a marshmallow seems a bit disproportionate, IMO

Almost as disproportionate as school writing a letter to a parent over a marshmallow :-/

But would you still prohibit marshmallows and cut up grapes and sausages for an 8 year old, the age of the OP's son?

The honest answer is that I don't know. My oldest is nearly seven, though, and I still do those things for him with no intention of stopping. Maybe I have an unusual horror of choking.

The point I was making is that a few people have scoffed at my bringing this up, but it is actually REAL and the school may have a similar horror. Preschool has a policy of not allowing the children to eat as their tinies are particularly at risk.

Hey ho - so glad my kids are beyond primary - it will just end up with school dinners being made compulsory - due to a few parents being so indignant that they can't give their kids sweets for lunch...

The only rule my dc's school has is that you are only allowed crisps on Thursdays. Which is a bit random, but at least it's not very prescriptive! The school meals are generally ok - they are cooked and delivered by the local pub, as the school is too teeny to have a proper kitchen. But I just asked ds (6) who has a half day today, what he had for lunch. Pizza and chips followed by two helpings of jam roly poly - not a single vegetable or fruit in sight.

Our lower school has stuck shop once a week selling cans of fizzy drinks and all sorts of sweets to raise funds but stops little treats in lunch boxes..double standards I think . As long as your child is having a balanced lunch a treat is up to you not the school.

HubertCumberdale - what I consider ok to give my kids is absolutely none of your business or anyone else's unless its actually hurting them in some way. At no point did I say that that is what I give them - you assumed. Whether or not I do is none of your concern.

The sanctimony on these boards is mind-boggling

The sanctimony on these boards is mind-boggling

Yes... on both sides of the argument...

I'm surprised that schools have time to police this kind of stuff. At my school we have a 'no chocolate bars at break time' rule, and its a very grey area as to whether things like chocolate cereal bars etc come under this rule. However, we have to pick our battles, and between everything else that needs to be crammed into a 15 minute break time, confiscating food comes fairly low down the list. I am not aware that the lunchtime staff are all that hot on it either - they are too busy trying to ensure that 150 KS1 kids get their cooked school meal in about 20 minutes! And the office staff have better things to do than generate letters about healthy eating to send to parents of a child that an MSA has reported has a marshmallow in their lunchbox?!