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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you have young children, what would you expect your OH to do on mothers day?

54 replies

Loopylala7 · 11/03/2015 10:35

Don't know if I should feel a little hurt by this or not? I have 2 very young children, and earlier OH mentioned he'd like me to drop him round to his mum's early on Sunday so he can make a meal for his mum. Whilst I think it's lovely he wants to do this, the selfish part of me I'd saying well actually it's meant to be my day to put my feet up and relax, especially as the children are at such a busy age. Am I being unreasonable to feel a little hurt by this?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 11/03/2015 10:37

Tell him to take the kids with him. Win win for everybody.

MythicalKings · 11/03/2015 10:38

You aren't him Mum, though.

It's lovely that he wants to do something nice for his mother on Mothering Sunday.

Ask him what he's going to help the DCs do for you later in the day.

MythicalKings · 11/03/2015 10:38

*his Mum

MayLuke83 · 11/03/2015 10:40

He can take the kids with him! Bingo!

MrsTedCrilly · 11/03/2015 10:40

YANBU, she's had plenty of Mothers Days and now it's your turn.. You are in more need of a break.

HamishBamish · 11/03/2015 10:41

YANBU. If your DH were my son, I would be touched he wanted to do something for me, but would gently suggest that he might want to spend his efforts doing something for the mother of his children since she's the one with young children. I wouldn't be expecting any more than a phone call or a card from a grown up child (male or female) tbh, especially if they had a family of their own.

FenellaFellorick · 11/03/2015 10:42

I'd say absolutely fine. Great idea. I assume my mother's day gift is that you're taking the kids with you so that I am not running round after them by myself all day while you relax at your mother's, right?

YesILikeItToo · 11/03/2015 10:43

I do my mum on Mother's Day, usually by baking. It's up to dd if she picks up this habit or not, DH doesn't do his. I'm guessing that with a bit of guidance from school she will provide cards and gifts in due course. If you rely on one day a year to put your feet up, you're going to burn out!

EstRusMum · 11/03/2015 10:45

YANBU
If he will actually do it, do the same to him. Leave him to babysit on Fathers day. Don't forget to mention the reason to him too.

DecaffTastesWeird · 11/03/2015 10:48

Agree with pp who said o get him to take DCs to his Mum's

HubertCumberdale · 11/03/2015 10:52

I wouldn't claim that Mother's Day is about you now, as MIL may feel usurped and old. There's no grannie'd day!
But other people are bang on, he should take the kids with him.

LovesYoungDream · 11/03/2015 10:58

Could he be planning a surprise for you and this is his way of getting you out of the house/to go somewhere without ruining the surprise? (or am I giving him too much credit?).What does he do every other year?

HoggleHoggle · 11/03/2015 10:58

Your dh is being lovely - I hope my ds is that considerate once he's older!

That being said, it is your day too so I would also expect you're not left with babysitting and that you are definitely also spoilt in some way. Has he given any indication of his intentions here???? It's your day too, not just his mum's. Until your dc are older he has joint responsibility so he needs to give you just as much consideration as his mum.

HamishBamish · 11/03/2015 11:00

I'm wondering if this is a smoke screen for a surprise for you? Last year DH did something similar and we all went to PIL's for breakfast and do the card/flowers thing. When we came to leave it turned out we were leaving the DC there and he was taking me out for lunch. Poor MIL ended up wrangling the boys, but apparently she offered!

LovesYoungDream · 11/03/2015 11:00

There is a grandparents day(don't know the date), it was on about a month or two ago, my parents went to dn's schools to celebrate it.

elliejjtiny · 11/03/2015 11:01

He should take the dc's with him. We have 5 dc's, eldest 8, youngest 9 months. Mil, my mum and me will probably be treated equally on Mothers day as usual. My older 2 will make cards at school and DH will take them to choose some smellies for me. He will by a small token gift for mil and I will do the same for my mum. We will see mil at church and give her the present. I will phone my mum on mothers day and give her present next time we see her.

Nolim · 11/03/2015 11:04

Yanbu, in this case you are the mum he should spoil first. While he cooks for mum what are you expected to do? Will he cook for you too?

HazleNutt · 11/03/2015 11:08

your DH sounds lovely and as others have said, you are not his mum. You will get presents and dinners from your own DC, when they are a little older.
Would be a win-win if he took the kids with him, though.

ChipDip · 11/03/2015 11:09

Yanbu, obviously your little ones aren't going to make you breakfast so he needs to do this. It seems odd actually that he would want to do this first thing in the morning rather than for the mother of his own kids.

Morelikeguidelines · 11/03/2015 11:09

Yanbu.

But being nice to his mum is good.

My dh is working Sunday but to be fair he has to. I know dd will try to do something nice but she is only 6! But I like a handmade card...

I am having my mum over as her mum died at Christmas so she will need a bit of appreciation. I am quite looking forward to it though!

thesleepthiefsmum · 11/03/2015 11:33

My Dh will be working on mothers day so ill be doing the usual day along with getting dc's down to my mums and then MIL 's to drop of flowers etc.
I'd just do as others had mentioned and ask Dh to take them with him.

hoobygalooby · 11/03/2015 11:38

You are not his Mum though.
When your dc are old enough they will do nice things for you.
On mothers day I invite my Mum over for Sunday roast and spoil her. DP sends his Mum a card and flowers and my dc buy me something nice and make me cards. I don't expect my DP to do anything at all for me as I'm not his Mum - he has Valentine's day to show me how much he loves me.

Jackieharris · 11/03/2015 11:46

I don't expect anything from dp Confused I'm not his mother!

I don't expect anything for me for Mother's Day until my dc's are old enough to make a card.

Failedspinster · 11/03/2015 12:29

DH will buy a small present for me and help the DC make a card. I also get the day off - so a lie in, meals made, cleaning done, kids looked after while I do things like have a long hot bubble bath or read a book. On Father's Day he gets the same from me.

crazykat · 11/03/2015 12:36

My dh always gets cards and a present from the dcs and helps them write in the cards. He also makes me breakfast in bed and does the washing up after I've made Sunday dinner.

I'm not his mum but I'm the mum of his young children and he sorts the present and cards until the dcs are old enough, just like he does for my birthday and Christmas. When my ds have their own children I'd expect them to be spoiling their wife/partner, all I'd be expecting is a card and flowers. Fwiw while I'd like a break in mothers day I wouldn't want my dcs to be out of the house all day leaving me alone, I'd like to spend the day with them and dh.

We will visit mil on Saturday so we're not running around on mother's day, and on fathers day will see my dad and fil on the Saturday so dh can have a lie in in fathers day.

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