to ask if you have young children, what would you expect your OH to do on mothers day?

[Loopylala7]

Don't know if I should feel a little hurt by this or not? I have 2 very young children, and earlier OH mentioned he'd like me to drop him round to his mum's early on Sunday so he can make a meal for his mum. Whilst I think it's lovely he wants to do this, the selfish part of me I'd saying well actually it's meant to be my day to put my feet up and relax, especially as the children are at such a busy age. Am I being unreasonable to feel a little hurt by this?

Only on mumsnet. Yanbu.

I expect my Dh to prompt/help the DC to make me a card. No more really. I don't see the need for anything elaborate.

YANBU at all op.

Of course it's lovely that he's doing something nice for his mother, but that shouldn't come at the expense of the mother of his children.

Mother's day shouldn't just be about recognising your own mother - it's about recognising and celebrating the work and sacrifices of mothers in general.

I come first on Mother's Day. We still do things/get flowers for our own mothers but I'm the mother of his child (soon to be ren) and he makes an effort for me just as I do for him on Father's Day.

I expect DH to get his mum a card and present, and I expect him to facilitate my DSs (7 and 2) to get me a card and present too. I think this is perfectly reasonable.

In your case, OP, I would expect him to be making you breakfast in bed, aided by your DC, and then taking himself off to his mother's WITH the DC, where he can do what he likes for a little while, before coming home again so that the DC can do something else nice FOR YOU.

It IS mothers day - not 'mother of my children day'
Mothers are not totally redundant just because their children are grown.
Your day should be your anniversary or birthday, but your OH should be encouraging and teaching your children to do something nice for you so they continue when they are grown up.

He could take the children with him - his mother may like that.

I reckon that when your children are grown - you will feel hurt if they do not spoil you a bit on Mothers day after all the years you have loved and supported them, even if they have their own families.

Sounds like mother's day isn't the real issue tbh.

You would like a day/time to yourself - this is what you need to speak with him about.

Doesn't have to be mother's day.

Although I would have been hurt when mine were very small if dh expressed an intention to 'look after' his own mother rather than me, when I was so exhausted all the time.

I guess I just expected him to put in the effort as they are too young to, as I would have been helping them make cards for him, and a breakfast in bed and perhaps arranged a nice walk or similar on fathers day. I guess as he's not my dad I shouldn't make the effort I suppose if that is how it's viewed

My DH helps our DDs organise a bunch of flowers, a card & tea & toast in bed but that's all. And it's all I want. I don't think Mothers' Day needs to be a big palaver.

YANBU, if I was his mother I'd feel terrible that he'd left you with the kids to come over and cook for me.

Loopy - perhaps you should put it to him like that, see what he says. If he can't see the parallels, or says he wouldn't care, then that lets you off the hook on Fathers' Day at least.

Can he not invite his mother to yours so he can cook for all of you?

He tells the kids to make me a card and they buy me wine and flowers.

I'm happy with that, none of this waiting on me hand and foot or running me a bubble bath. Some may like it but it's not for me.

I hate this ridiculous "but you're not his mother" attitude. IMO as soon as you are a parent, Mothers' Day or Mothering Sunday becomes about your children and their mother - whether that is you or your partner. Grandparents can expect a card, a phone call, some family time ALL TOGETHER, not that their adult offspring will remove him or herself from their own family for the day!!!

I love it when they all get out of bed (everyone usually ends up in our bed at the weekend) and let me have it to myself with toast and coffee. Nothing more required. We go out for dinner with my mum the day before (quiter and cheaper!).

I have an 18 month old son. I'll be in work from 9 - 5 on Sunday. Not really expecting DH to do anything. Already got a little card from DS that his creche made for me on Monday; was super chuffed to get my first handmade card from him, and had a little cry .

Nothing really. He will help the kids sort out cards and presents. He will be working on sunday.

I will cook lunch for my mum and then go and see mil at teatime to deliver flowers etc.

When my kids are old enough to look after me that's when I get my turn. Until then I look after my mums. Isn't that the way it's done?

I hate this ridiculous "but you're not his mother" attitude. IMO as soon as you are a parent, Mothers' Day or Mothering Sunday becomes about your children and their mother - whether that is you or your partner. Grandparents can expect a card, a phone call, some family time ALL TOGETHER, not that their adult offspring will remove him or herself from their own family for the day!!!
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HeartstrumpDiamonds Why is it ridiculous? You don't stop being a Mum because your child has grown. You are with your new family all the time - It is a time to show appreciation for the mother who brought you up, surely?
Your mother is always your mother. Are you not allowed to have time with a parent without your partner?
Its nice if the whole family get together but I see nothing wrong with a man doing something nice for his own mother on mothers day.

Oh god - it's just a DAY. A commercial Hallmark day at that. Celebrate another day but stop all this worshipping at the altar of commercialism. Same with all those other twee days - V's Day etc.

Nope. Mothers' Day, or Mothering Sunday, was not invented by Hallmark. Unlike many other "Days". Although Hallmark have somewhat hijacked it, of course.

Ask him to take the kids with him, to give you a few hours to have a long bath, read a book or whatever. Win win.

I too would be annoyed if DH went off on mothers day, leaving me alone with young DC. Having young DC is exhausting and genuine 'me time' is such a luxury.

He needs to show his appreciation of both his own mum and how much he appreciates all you do as a mum too.

He might be assuming he will be taking the children anyway?

Where/how was it invented? I've honesty been working on the assumption that it was a Hallmark thing.

It has something to do with Church I think - They used to have mothering sunday. Apart from that, I think it just got commercialised like everything does.

Just looked it up - It goes back to when young girls who were domestic servants were given a day off to go and see their mothers on the 4th Sunday of Lent.

Mothers with young children are at "the coalface" of mothering and probably more in need of a little pampering than the mothers who have long ago discharged their duties. Having said that, she is still his mother and I agree it's nice that he is thoughtful and he may well pass that quality to his own children. I don't think YABU but hopefully he'll do something nice for you too.
Personally I've booked a table for Sunday lunch myself rather than risk dh leaving it too late but I'm hoping he'll pay!