To expect people to give reason why they can't make an event

[MoanCraft]

I mean in a nice friendly sort of 'oh sorry can't make it because Dh won't be back for work on time'.
I've had two friends just say we'll have to pass on that, or won't be coming without any nice let me down gently sort of excuse. I wouldn't mind if they lied and made an excuse up. It would make me feel better.

There is a difference between saying you can't attend something when you have previously accepted (and even then, it's actually rude to push someone for an explanation as to why they are not coming. It's not any of your business and, as PP have said, the reason might be something they really don't want to talk about) and refusing an initial invitation. If you cancel something, there's a chance you have inconvenienced someone or cost them money, so it's better manners to give them a reason if you can (and not very good manners to cancel because you just can't be arsed...) If you say no to an initial invitation, then you shouldn't have to give a reason unless you want to.

Quite often I have to help my friend who has physical difficulties if their carer wants the day off. I don't want to tell other people about my friend's problems as they spend a lot of time and effort hiding it.

itsbetterthanabox I did give a reason I had made plans weeks before and my ds invite landed on that day,Which wasnt dnieces actual birthday. I had arranged to visit the day before the event but my ds fell out with me a couple days before.

A simple sorry iv made plans or cant make it enough be enough and is polite, there are people who will push for you to justify your non attendance and or expect you to pull money out your arse when you say you are skint.
And in my case wasnt satisfied that I wouldnt cancel my plans for them Even though I arranged to see them anyway.

Thank you happygirl87, MonstrousRatbag, Bakeoffcake, TheMaddHugger, I feel completely devastated, your thoughts were nice, thank you.

Sometimes the reason for turning down an invite or cancelling is just too complicated ie. A combination of many factors that is just too boring / long to explain. So no, I never give a reason.

Also, my DH & I sometimes book in some family or us time, which I would never give as a reason for no going to something, as it sounds a bit lame! Ie. No I'm not doing anything other than just hanging out with my DH, but no I can't attend.

I think it depends how you say it, I don't think anyone here is trying to justify saying a blunt "No", but if you say you can't and try and organise another date without explanation, surely you can't take that as a personal slight?

I only give an explanation if I've had to cancel something "Sorry, I've gotten a rubbish cold and don't want to give it to you, raincheck?" is better than being rude, but if you're just turning down an invite, if people really are your friends then no offense is meant.

My MIL demands reasons and then deems them unsuitable! If I'm ill and can't go then I don't make enough of an effort, if we're busy we should have consulted her first, the time I broke my wrist she demanded proof! Sometimes no matter what you say, people will always assume you just don't like them.