Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

59 replies

lollylou2876 · 10/03/2015 19:16

I have been with my partner for 2 years, and living together for 1 year. My partner has his own successful business and weighs 33 stone, at first he was giving me £30 a week for food and keep until I explained he needed to pay his way he then started paying £80 a week which barely covers his food bill let alone provide for me (not that I expect that as I am financially comfortable). he does not do any housework at all, never has I explained he was not paying keep for me to do everything for him and I am not his mother but alas no change.

I am now 2 months pregnant he is working 7 days a week, we hardly ever see him and on Sunday I made a roast (all paid for by me) to take to his mums after cooking, housework and lugging all the food and my son up to his mums he got annoyed that I was quiet but polite with him as I didn't feel his mum's was the right place to discuss it, and tired due to the pregnancy and said I need to ask for his time, help and money, my point is he doesn't have to ask for laundry cooked meals etc.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
butterfly2015 · 10/03/2015 19:22

Who pays all the bills? It should be a partnership with everything being split down the middle as far as possible. If you stay home and he pays the bills then it's fair for you to do more at.home. but if 80 a week is not enough for food for you both then suggest he does the shopping. Give him a list with essentials on it and then he's free to add whatever he wants.

33 ago e is a death sentence in the making. Maybe if he ate less and helped at home he'd get fitter and will live longer. It sounds like you're unhappy so sit him down and talk to him.

butterfly2015 · 10/03/2015 19:23

Btw we are.a.family of four, sometimes five with two cats and our bill for a week is 60.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 10/03/2015 19:31

He needs to pull his weight around the house. If your finances aren't shared, he's working 7 days a week to the benefit of nobody but himself.

mommy2ash · 10/03/2015 19:32

so you live together and he pays 80 pound a week and no more?

do you work? who pays all the bills? did you have a discussion about all this before you moved in together?

TywysogesGymraeg · 10/03/2015 19:42

If you felt like that, why on earth did you allow yourself to get pregnant??

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey · 10/03/2015 19:49

Does he have other expenses to cover? Why doesn't he pay a fairer share of the household expenses? Do you have an income?

Fairenuff · 10/03/2015 19:52

Well so far he has ignored you so, although I don't know the guy, I'm pretty sure he is going to keep on ignoring you and nothing will change.

What do you want to do about that OP?

Fairenuff · 10/03/2015 19:54

Oh and I'm ignoring the weight as it doesn't seem to have anything to do with it and meant to say welcome to mn Wink

OttiliaVonBCup · 10/03/2015 19:54

How can he weigh 33 stone?

happystory · 10/03/2015 19:55

Who is 'we'? You say ' we hardly ever see him'. To me, it sounds like you are massively supporting him financially. What is he doing seven days a week ? What you describe sounds like a flatshare arrangement not a partnership - but you are pregnant .....

OttiliaVonBCup · 10/03/2015 19:55

And what's laundry cooked meals?

Steamed, I presume?

motherofmonster · 10/03/2015 19:57

Not sure why his weight has anything to do with this unless he is using it as a excuse not to help with the housework?

attheendoftheday · 10/03/2015 21:06

I can't get past the bit where he thinks he's paying £80 a week 'keep' to cover all bills and you to skivvy for him.

Doesn't sound like he has oodles of business sense if that seems like a fair deal to him.

I would suggest either relationship counselling if you want to try to salvage the relationship, or boot him out as it doesn't sound as if he's contributing anything to your life.

countessmarkyabitch · 10/03/2015 21:19

Honestly not trying to be harsh, but why on earth have you been putting up with this crap for a year already? He's treating you like a housekeeper, and you're letting him.
And having a baby with him is only going to make everything much worse.
Stop washing for him. Stop cooking for him. Stop running around making his life easy for him.

OrinocoTheWomble · 10/03/2015 21:29

Sorry, but none of this sounds quite right to me.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 21:37

He needs to pull his weight around the house.

I couldn't help but snort a little at that Blush

ilovesooty · 10/03/2015 21:41

I'm afraid I snorted as well. Grin

Pipbin · 10/03/2015 21:43

How can he weigh 33 stone?
By eating too much and not exercising.

You must have had something to do with him in the last couple of months so this ignoring you must have started since then. What is his view on the pregnancy? Could this behaviour be something to do with that?

Put your foot down and give him an ultimatum.

Furyfowler · 10/03/2015 21:52

How do you have sex with a 33stone man?.... What are the logistics?

passthewineplz · 10/03/2015 21:54

I'm assuming you've mentioned his weight as the money he gives you doesn't cover his food?

33 stone is really unhealthy, there's losts of health risks associated to being overweight which I'm sure you're both aware of.

If you're cooking for him maybe now is the time to start making him more healthy meals, and helping to lose some weight and become more healthy before baby comes.

You also need to talk to him about finances, and the help help/support once baby comes along.

passthewineplz · 10/03/2015 21:57

Seems to have been a few strange posts tonight - is there a full moon tonight? Confused

Pipbin · 10/03/2015 22:17

Some interesting first posts.

SistersOfPercy · 10/03/2015 22:31

Furyfowler, gerrout my head Wink

Furyfowler · 10/03/2015 22:32
Grin
almondfinger · 10/03/2015 22:33

I always look at the OP's name. Something random with some numbers thrown on the end is always a bit of a giveaway.

Can someone who is 33 stone be mobile, let alone make it upstairs at his mothers house for a Sunday roast when he is supposed to be working (7 days a week)?

Swipe left for the next trending thread