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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To go on holiday without my child?

80 replies

CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:23

A shameless TAAT...didn't want to derail another poster's thread.

I'm shocked to have seen comments like "what kind of parent goes on holiday without their child?"

Seriously? I'm a single parent and I've had precisely 2 'nights off' since DD was born 11 months ago. So my DM is looking after DD while I have a week away later this year.

People actually see a problem with this?!

OP posts:
Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 09/03/2015 18:24

Yanbu

onepieceoflollipop · 09/03/2015 18:26

Different families find different things work for them. Fwiw I would be comfortable with a weekend but not a week, but that is me, not you.
If you would enjoy a week away, go for it, have a great time, and consider why other people might have an issue with it. (Perhaps they are envious that you have the money/opportunity/parental support to do it) perhaps they just like judging, or perhaps you asked them if they had an opinion and they gave it!

Charlotte3333 · 09/03/2015 18:26

My DC's are 9 and 4, the longest I've been away from them is 3 nights when we went to Nice for a weekend. Every other holiday we've been on they've come, including honeymoon.

I admit I read that other thread and was a bit astounded at the mother booking a fortnight's holiday without the 6 year old, and said so. But realistically it's not in the realms of bad parenting, just something I choose not to do. Apologies if I came across as judgy on the previous thread; in your shoes I fully understand why you'd like a bit of time away. Have an amazing time.

SweetValentine · 09/03/2015 18:27

At some age when they would appreciate a holiday i think it's mean if you have one and they don't, especially if parents are limited to time off work.

But at 2 - yanbu!

Skiptonlass · 09/03/2015 18:28

No problem at all. Does you good to have some time and does the kids good to learn to be apart from parents. Even better if they're staying with grandparents/ cousin/ friends etc. All part of them learning that if mum leaves the room for ten mins, she's going to come back and life continues on.

There's a disturbing trend for mummy martyrism - the idea that you're not a good mum unless you devote your every waking moment sacrificing yourself for your kids. Your relationship with your partner is the bedrock of the family and that sometimes means you focus on yourselves.

Yanbu. Unless you're leaving them to roam feral for two weeks with a bag of dry dog kibble, you're grand. Have fun!

turquoiseamethyst · 09/03/2015 18:32

For me, it would hugely depend on the age of the child and who is looking after them.

In YOUR case, op, YANBU at all and have a great time - but for some children (like mine!) who don't have grandparents who can take them I do feel that it could potentially be quite traumatic. A week is a long time for a young child. I can remember being about four and having to stay with an aunt (who we didn't know well - not sure why) and SOBBING that night. I was really upset! So I wouldn't leave my children - it isn't being a martyr though. Sometimes something just doesn't feel like the right thing to do, I think.

ilovechristmas1 · 09/03/2015 18:37

its strange really i would say go for it op and enjoy

but there was a thread a few days ago about a family going to a Villa and wanted to take the childminder with them so the parents could have a lie in and go out on their own for evening meals,i felt sorry for the kids and thought they were being selfish

told you my thoughts were strange

poocatcherchampion · 09/03/2015 18:38

No way I would go with my 3 and 1 yo. But they are what it is all about for me at this point in my life and I appreciate not every one is the same.

SaucyJack · 09/03/2015 18:40

Whore of Satan. Beelzebub has a devil put aside for you.

Marylou2 · 09/03/2015 18:41

You should do what feels right to you.Others might find it difficult to leave such a small child.I had children to have a family so I don't really expect or wish for time off.

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:42

I appear to have managed to derail the other thread anyway...whoops! I'll just catch up with these comments too, 1 mo.

OP posts:
poocatcherchampion · 09/03/2015 18:43

Ha pretty massive typo there! *without
Grin

Flipchart · 09/03/2015 18:44

Ever since my children were very small I have gone away without them.
Since they were 6 and 3 every year i take them skiing in February, to France or Spain at Easter, away for two week in August and to Portugal in October.
I think this is plenty. For the rest of my holidays I either go away with friends or by myself.

DH always looks after them. Well,they are older now so they not need looking after.

I wish people wouldn't poke their nose into other people's business and stop being so judgemental!
Do what irks for you.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 09/03/2015 18:44

Me and DH went away for weekend and left DS x3 with DF, after one night we were discussing going home to pick them up but refrained!!

If it works for you then don't let others opinions matter

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:44

The thing is though Charlotte, she's leaving her DC with his other parent. As they're coparenting, the child should be equally comfortable in both homes.

OP posts:
bertiebogtrotter · 09/03/2015 18:44

Hmm its not something I would do personally, as much as anything because I couldn't afford the cost and time off work for a family holiday as well. My dds who are 15,13 & 7 wouldn't let me hear the end of it either!

Micah · 09/03/2015 18:46

I'd just say lucky you having someone to take care of them, and enjoy!

I don't have anyone to take mine. Dh could, I suppose, but then I'd be going on holiday on my own which I don't particularly fancy.

It's all moot for us anyway, can't afford it!

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:46

Agree turquoise, it's all about the relationship between the child and the person who'd be looking after them. Going away for two weeks and leaving them with someone they're not 100% comfortable with certainly wouldn't be on!

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhen · 09/03/2015 18:46

Oooh! Excellent passive aggressive response there Marylou!
YANBU op. You will have a lovely time, and be dying to see your dc when you get home.
Grandparents the good ones, are close family too.
My aunt left her youngest child age 3 with her parents for 6 weeks while she did her teacher training.
They wrote letters and postcards which she and my cousin still have, and my cousin remembers it as a lovely time with her gran. Nobody was scarred for life.

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:47

I didn't see that thread ilovechristmas, that does seem like an odd arrangement!

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhen · 09/03/2015 18:48

Flip chart, how many holidays do you have??Envy

aticusclaw · 09/03/2015 18:48

I wouldn't do it. Mine are 10 and nearly 8. I wouldn't want to go on holiday without them and whilst I'm not sure what you mean by "nights off" I've only had a handful of nights away from the DCs in ten years. Everyone is different though.

TwoOddSocks · 09/03/2015 18:49

Flipchart Bloody hell! Three holidays a year with the kids and "the rest of your holidays" (pleural!) with friends/solo! You must be away half the year!

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:51

Grin Saucy How very dare I exist without keeping DD in my shadow 100% of the time eh?

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 09/03/2015 18:51

I'd not. But I think that says more about me than about anyone else. I'm very protective and hate being away from DS

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