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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To go on holiday without my child?

80 replies

CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:23

A shameless TAAT...didn't want to derail another poster's thread.

I'm shocked to have seen comments like "what kind of parent goes on holiday without their child?"

Seriously? I'm a single parent and I've had precisely 2 'nights off' since DD was born 11 months ago. So my DM is looking after DD while I have a week away later this year.

People actually see a problem with this?!

OP posts:
RufusTheReindeer · 09/03/2015 18:51

Have left the children for the odd weekend

The first proper holiday with DH was a week in Greece in 2013 when they were 14, 10 and 9

It was great, should have done it earlier...doing it again this year

RufusTheReindeer · 09/03/2015 18:52

It does very much depend on age of child, who they are being left with and for how long

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:52

Also very jealous of Flipchart, but if your circumstances allow it, take advantage I say! Took me absolutely ages to save for this one. Penny pinching was a right pain but I've not been away for many many years.

OP posts:
Tigerinthegrass · 09/03/2015 18:54

I'm not a single parent but haven't had 1 nights off in 11 years let alone 2! Don't get parents holidaying without children. Why have kids then? Did your parents have holidays without you/your siblings?

Jackieharris · 09/03/2015 18:55

Some crazy people see the word 'mother' and think it means 'martyr'.

Enjoy your holiday.

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:56

Yes Tiger they did. We had family holidays too. What harm are parents really doing by leaving their child with a close family member while they take a bit of time away for themselves??

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 09/03/2015 18:57

I had children to have a family Hmm WTF? What do other people have children for in your opinion?

Sane parents are good parents, and if a child-free holiday makes you feel saner and better then why the feck not?

And I think the idea of taking a childminder on holiday to give the parents some child-free time is a great idea and not at all 'odd'.

clam · 09/03/2015 18:58

"The thing is though Charlotte, she's leaving her DC with his other parent. As they're coparenting, the child should be equally comfortable in both homes."

Were we on the same thread? No, they were NOT co-parenting! The mother in that case had, to date, never allowed the child to stay overnight at his father's. Also, most people were not objecting to the mum having a holiday, just at the fact that she'd booked it without firming up arrangements for the child's care whilst she was away.

Flipchart · 09/03/2015 18:59

Woah! Hold on a minute about me having loads of holidays! I do BUT I just manage my time well!!
I work for the County Counil and get 6 weeks plus bank holidays. I can work my bank holiday so that time gets added to my annual leave. Also we are currently having 4 days unpaid leave a year as a cost cutting exercise to try to save jobs. So that's nearly another weeks leave.

Charley50 · 09/03/2015 18:59

Cupid YANBU at all. Your DC is too young to appreciate a holiday really and it will be nice bonding time for DD and your DM.
I think it's not very nice on the other Fred because at 6 the DS will be aware he has missed out on a holiday, he will miss out on a holiday, and projecting a little here, but it may be the main holiday of the year and he doesn't get to go. (Plus the small issue of his mum booking it without arranging childcare)!!
In your case YANBU, and in lots of other cases too.

Pyjamaface · 09/03/2015 18:59

YANBU

It depends on what everyone involved feels comfortable with.

DS is 6 and I've had a week away with friends for the last couple of years, I'm going away in May. DS stays at home with his dad and carries on as normal (I go during term time). He's fine, I skype everyday and I can relax properly. DP is also planning to go away with friends later in the year.

We have a family break at some point in the year (all went away for DS' birthday) so nobody is missing out on anything and we're all happy.

Other people wouldn't even consider doing it but that is their family, their decision.

So yeah, do whatever works for you

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 09/03/2015 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 09/03/2015 19:00

I really enjoy being with my DC. Going on holiday without them wouldn't really be a holiday. I did leave then with DH for a week once. I cried for several hours over the Atlantic.

If I didn't post on MN I would never have realised thee are so many people who don't like spending time with their DC , or do like spending time with their DC but would rather spend the day at work or the beach without their children.

I'm beginning to think I'm a bit odd. I do like being alone, bit if I'm going to be with other human beings, my DC are my no.1 choice.

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 19:00

They'd only just moved clam. The OP actually stated her DP has the DC all of one weekend then one day the next. He has a bedroom at their house. Hmm They're coparenting.

OP posts:
WidowWadman · 09/03/2015 19:01

They're probably just jealous.

Tigerinthegrass · 09/03/2015 19:02

Perhaps I'm just bitter that I don't have parents that will/would ever have my kids then! Another story lol. But if you still manage a holiday with your child as well then good for you. Enjoy.

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 19:05

Lynette, I do like spending time with DD. That's not in question simply because I'm spending a week away from her. Enjoying time with DD doesn't mean I'm happy only ever spending time with her. Or that I have no interests that lie in non child-friendly atmospheres.

OP posts:
MagicMojito · 09/03/2015 19:06

Its fine for parents to go on holiday without their children, each to their own, but ffs can we stop with the martyr comments? Angry

Skiptonlass · 09/03/2015 19:07

Marylou, I don't mean to be rude but how is having a long weekend by yourself and leaving the kids with their grandparents bad? We have families because we love them, not to martyr ourselves to their every whim and lose our own identities.

it isn't 'time off' as though the children are a chore. I'm sure many of us have happy memories of weeks roaming wild at our grandparents' farm, or a week spent with cousins, or at dad/mums place if that's not where they usually stay.

Healthy kids can and indeed should be apart from their parents for short times, as long as they are in the care of a known and trusted person/people. It helps them to avoid clinginess and separation anxiety, and it's good for parents too. In many european countries, kids have 'green weeks' from very young through their kindergarten (a week with the class on a little model activity centre/farm is quite common here.)

No one is suggesting a daily mail-esque 'chav mum leaves kids with dog kibble while she goes off to Turkey for two weeks with toyboy shocker!' Style thing here.

Op, enjoy your break.

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 19:07

She's small and cute enough that they actually offered this time round Tiger...I suspect it's an option I won't have the benefit of in a couple of years Wink

OP posts:
girliefriend · 09/03/2015 19:08

I am a single parent and have had 2 week long abroad holidays without my dd when she was 3yo and 4yo. She was left with my dm who she has a close relationship with. The first holiday was lovely and I had a great time but the second one i missed her so much it spoilt the enjoyment of it to a certain extent.

I made a decision after that holiday that I wouldn't want to do it again, however dd has been on holiday without me a few times Grin both Grandparents have taken her on short breaks every year (now 9yo) which she has loved.

Op in your situation YANBU at all, have a lovely break.

Flipchart · 09/03/2015 19:08

My mum and dad used to have holidays without us kids in the 70's.

We used to have some great family holidays and then in September mum and dad used to go abroad for a week to somewhere really exotic and glamorous like Benidorm!! Grin

Shodan · 09/03/2015 19:09

When I was a single parent I occasionally had a week's holiday away from ds1. He usually spent that week with his father, but on one occasion his father decided that he just wouldn't turn up, so one of my brothers stepped into the breach. Ds1 had a whale of a time and is still close to him, 12 years later.

Now with DH, I have a weekend away at karate camp, a few days or a week with friends and a long weekend with DH (ds2 goes to stay with PILs) as well as our family holiday.

It's win-win all round. Ds2 loves having one-on-one time with daddy, the PILs adore having him for the long weekend (and ds2 loves it too).

Actually, thinking about it, I'm being totally selfless in allowing ds2 and his other close relatives to nurture a close relationship with each other. Obviously enjoying time being 'friend' or 'wife' without being 'mum' at the same time is just a by-product of my selflessness.

Grin
OnlyLovers · 09/03/2015 19:10

I would never have realised thee are so many people who don't like spending time with their DC

For heaven's sake. Wanting and needing a child-free holiday doesn't mean people don't like spending time with their children! Have a word with yourself.

operaha · 09/03/2015 19:11

I went to America for 9 days without children last year and am just back from a weekend in Paris AND planning a trip to Australia. and yes, I'm talking them on holiday this year also.
My children are my world, travel is a huge passion though, like an itch I have to scratch. Kids are a lot older than yours but I'd have definitely done a week at that age.
absolutely nothing to do with not liking my kids company!!!! It's about experience and I for one want to experience it all.

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