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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To go on holiday without my child?

80 replies

CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 18:23

A shameless TAAT...didn't want to derail another poster's thread.

I'm shocked to have seen comments like "what kind of parent goes on holiday without their child?"

Seriously? I'm a single parent and I've had precisely 2 'nights off' since DD was born 11 months ago. So my DM is looking after DD while I have a week away later this year.

People actually see a problem with this?!

OP posts:
clam · 09/03/2015 19:11

"Honestly don't understand the vitriol" There is no vitriol. Just one poster (I think) saying they wouldn't leave their child for a fortnight, that's all.

Cupid, no, the dad in that thread (as this is a TAAT) does NOT have his son all one weekend. He has to take him back to his mother to sleep overnight on the Saturday night, so that lovely bedroom remains un-slept in. That's not co-parenting in my book. It's one parent being overly controlling and calling all the shots.

clam · 09/03/2015 19:14

We've been away without our kids loads of times, in addition to several family trips a year. However, the very first thing we do when an idea/opportunity comes up is to consider what will happen to/who will look after the kids.

fruitpastille · 09/03/2015 19:14

I have regular weekends with child free best friend. She paid for me to go with her for a weeks holiday abroad too ( she is v well paid and wanted company) so I jumped at the chance! DC at home with dh, not a big deal. I love being with my family but enjoy adults only time occasionally as well.

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 19:14

Yep clam...since they moved. Not permanently.

OP posts:
Flipchart · 09/03/2015 19:15

If I didn't post on MN I would never have realised thee are so many people who don't like spending time with their DC , or do like spending time with their DC but would rather spend the day at work or the beach without their children

Ha ha ha ha!
WTAF?

In my previous posts I have said that I go away several times a year without the children. I also go away with them a lot. I love spending time with the boys now and that they are teenagers we go to gigs, cinema, ski, eat out, go to the gym chat , go to sporting events and camp as well as 100s of other things. I bloody love them to bits. They love me and my company. Doesn't mean that we are stuck like glue to each other!

My relationship with them is really strong and going away with my mates to Madrid or Paris or wherever a couple of times a year for the past 15 years hast had a negative impact at al!

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 19:16

clam the bit I took exception to isn't the specific situation being debated in the other thread...It's comments like the one I quoted in the OP!

OP posts:
clam · 09/03/2015 19:19

Well, in that instance, we're agreeing, as I think it's a bloody good idea to go away on your own sometimes.

But I also get that some people aren't comfortable doing it. Each to their own.

Ouchbloodyouch · 09/03/2015 19:23

I think you have spectacularly missed the point. It was that he was told what would be happening rather than any discussion taking place.
I love a good child free break! But I can't just book the bloody thing without checking how it affects others.

Original poster
CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 19:28

Ouch it's not that scenario I'm discussing, it's comments like the one in the OP. So no, not missing the point! Smile

OP posts:
Changeofscenery34 · 09/03/2015 19:31

I'm on that thread aswell.

I think its fine to have a break away from the dcs for me two weeks would be too long but that's me who am I to judge?

From the age of one my dm has always had dcs stay with her for up to a week at a time while I stay home it gives me a much needed break one that I don't get from exdp or his family.

This year will be the first year that I will be leaving the country while she has them and I can't tell you how excited I am about sitting on the beach with my eyes closed not having to worry about my child drowning or being kidnapped.

I also don't think that my dcs will be missing out they will be having fun with nanny at the beach and as I said on the other thread we have already had a family holiday this year and will be going away again I. The summerGrin

toffeeboffin · 09/03/2015 19:37

Go. The break will do you and her good!

Enjoy - see you at the bar for a G&T!

Cantdecideondinner · 09/03/2015 19:43

Go and do it! DH and I go away together for 4 nights every year and we each try to do the same separately with friends, he usually does a 4 night skiing holiday and I do a 5 night shopping and beach trip. We also go away with the children. Don't see a problem

Flipchart · 09/03/2015 19:44

I have to say that a week islongenoughfor me, especially if I've gone away by myself. I would rather have 4 single weeks away than2x fortnight.

Last year I had both the money and opportunity AND enough leave to go to somewhere I have dreamed of for the past 30 years for 3 weeks. DH and the boys encouraged me to go and at the last minute I backed out. They couldn't believe it and kept telling me it was my dream and I should go and that I am always telling them to follow their heart and dreams therefore so should I. Sometime I wish I had gone but in all honesty I want DH to be able to come to this place and share it with me.

no73 · 09/03/2015 19:45

I'd jump at the chance of going on holiday without my DS...I dream of it. It would probably make me a better parent with some time off parenting. Single parenthood sucks!

Charlotte3333 · 09/03/2015 19:47

I agree if you're co-parenting that the child should be equally at home in each house. My 9 year old is more than happy to go and stay with his Dad for a week over the holidays, or go on holiday with them. I'm more than happy for him to go; he needs to spend quality time with them the way he does here. But in that thread, there didn't appear to be much co-parenting going on. Switching from no overnights ever to suddenly a fortnight over easter smacks of Mum thinking of herself, not her child.

I admit I could be entirely wrong, and that I'm assuming a lot. But my response was based on the information the op gave.

Susiesoop · 09/03/2015 19:55

As a child I used to have occasional holidays to my grandparents. They were ace. It was only when I became a parent that it dawned on my my parents may have been having a little break themselves! This year having a long weekend away without dcs. Will miss them lots but know they will have a great time and so will we. Enjoy your holiday!

morethanpotatoprints · 09/03/2015 19:58

Mine are older now but I couldn't have gone away without them although the break would have been appreciated.
I wouldn't judge you or anybody else as I have no idea what other peoples lives are like, or what they contend with. Thanks for you.
Just be happy you aren't as narrow minded as those who judge.

Changeofscenery34 · 09/03/2015 20:03

The more I read the op on the other thread the more it sounds like my lifeHmm.

SeeChooJimmy · 09/03/2015 20:24

Dh and I went last june to vegas and going again this june without dds (11,10,3) they are staying with their grandparents, they also go 1 week away in uk and 2x week holidays to europe every year with my parent's. I see no issue neither do dds, do ilove them or my time with them anyless indoing so...NO!

were taking dd1&2 to new york next Christmas for a surprise (early November) and leaving dd3 with grandparents as she wouldn't be interested, then following summer taking dd3 to florida, dd1&2 don't want to go it's not their idea of fun.

works fine for us.

thenextday · 09/03/2015 20:30

My teenagers are the last people I would go away with. We haven't had a family holiday for about 3 years...all go separately.
Dd 18 hates the sun like me.

kim147 · 09/03/2015 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Strokethefurrywall · 09/03/2015 20:39

I think it's important for me as an individual and with DH together, for us to have time away from the kids.

We've both done long weekends away with friends alone, when DS1 was 5 months (different weekends though) and try and get as much time as we can for ourselves when family come to stay and offer to babysit whilst we have a night out/away which we always take them up on.

We just got back from a week in Mexico for a family wedding with DSs (3 years and 11 months) and I was reading the holiday/childminder thread poolside. Alls I can say is that if my nanny had been available to join us, I would have paid her anything for a third person to help entertain the two of them!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going on holiday without your child, just as there is nothing wrong with taking your children everywhere! What's with the "I had children to have a family" comments? What a load of sanctimonious wank!

sandgrown · 09/03/2015 21:03

I am a DGM and often have my DGC for a week or long weekend because we enjoy having them on their own and we have a great relationship with them. If my DC want to use their "time off" to go away good luck to them. Do all the people who never leave their children not allow them to stay with family?

Writerwannabe83 · 09/03/2015 21:20

I couldn't do it. I have an 11 month old and the longest I have gone without seeing him (due to work shifts) is 24 hours and by that time I miss him dreadfully.

Since DS was born my DH has been away from him on about three occasions when he's been abroad for either work or Stag Do's and I struggle to work out how he copes Grin The longest he had been away for is 8 days and the thought of being away from DS for that long pains me Grin

My DH is constantly making comments about how the two of us should go away for a week and both sets of grandparents can share childcare (which they would happily do) and I keep casually brushing him off in the hope he will get the hint that it's not going to happen! Grin

However, as a single parent you definitely deserve a rest and you should go and have a fantastic time!!! Smile

MNHQ
IonaMumsnet · 09/03/2015 21:29

Evening folks. This is clearly a thread about a thread (afraid we don't offer clemency for 'shamelessness' OP - sorry!). We're going to delete this shortly, we're afraid.