Any opinions much appreciated - it's my first time posting here, and I really can't decide whether I'm being selfish or not :(
My lovely grandmother, in her late eighties, is terminally ill, and won't be with us much longer. Weeks, really. My mother and uncles have spoken to my grandmother regarding her funeral, and she has several requests (special hymns, where she would like her ashes to be scattered, etc.)
My grandfather, who has always been narcissistic, self-centred and controlling, has completely disregarded my grandmother's wishes and announced that there will be no funeral, nor will her ashes be scattered as requested. He doesn't want the expense of the funeral, being notoriously tight-fisted. He has done nothing whatsoever to care for my grandmother during her last illness; he hasn't so much as made her a cup of tea. He complains about nurses visiting her and interrupting his tv schedule, and is miffed that he is no longer the centre of attention (his words).
Having said that - am I being unreasonable in wanting my grandmother to have a funeral? And would it be unreasonable of other family members to press ahead with arrangements? It's so important to my grandmother, and while I understand my grandfather is grieving (having lost a spouse myself), how can I explain that a funeral means a lot to her and everyone she leaves behind? She was a wonderful grandmother and deserves to have her final wishes respected. But on the other hand, he is her husband - losing his wife - it would be unkind to add to his unhappiness and telling him how we feel will upset him. But am I being unreasonable to consider telling him? :(