To think I shouldn't have to give up my bed for people I don't know?

[Brittapieandchips]

I live with my parents and nana with my DC. It's a fairly recent thing, so I can help look after nana, have support with my long term I'll health, company for me and the kids, help with bills for them, etc. We were staying over all of every weekend anyway and nearly everything about it has been a really good idea.

Me + kids live in what were the spare room/storage/office and the room where my youngest sister stayed when she visited (she was the last to leave home but she left uni nearly a year ago and lives the other side of the country, staying with her boyfriend when she does visit). Other sister lives with her boyfriend nearby now, she did used to live far away too and stay over in one of the two rooms but now she just visits most days.

Part of the agreement of me moving in was that I would make room for some of youngest sisters stuff and make my room available if she (or other sister) wanted to stay over. This is fine, I have a double sofa bed and my three quarter bed in my room, and I can jump in with the kids or sleep on the soda bed in Nanas front room if for whatever reason we don't want to share a room (eg if a boyfriend comes too)

All lovely.

HOWEVER.

My Dad informed me with two weeks notice that I need to tidy and declutter my room, because his friend, her boyfriend and their two dogs are staying a night.

My kids are at home that night, so I either have to sleep on their floor or downstairs out of earshot, with two strangers and strange dogs next to the kids room. My cats stay in my room overnight and have their litter tray and beds in my room so I will have to move those and hope the cats don't wander in and get eaten.

We are a very welcoming family, not providing what we could to a guest is just not how we do it, but up to now I've only had people I know in my room.

I can't refuse now, it's all arranged, but AIBU to be miffed when my dad keeps telling me to declutter?

I'd move out permanently.

I wouldn't want to live there.

Do you live there rent free?

I think unfortunately as you are using what was their spare room, there's not much you can do. Is staying with your parents a long term arrangement? Was it discussed beforehand what would happen if guests stayed over?

I do want to live here, that's not in question. It has been utterly brilliant and I have long term health issues.

I can see why you feel that way but I suppose it's the downside of living in someone else's house.

If you are paying a fair rent then I'd say its not on. if you are getting free room and board then that's a different matter.

Then you have to sick it up.

Maybe this isn't going to work out. You can't be turfed out of your bed whenever your dad chooses.

Tell him it's obviously not going to work and you'll start to look for somewhere else to live.

I pay £70 a week in rent, and do approx half the food shop. My illness means I can't work and sometimes need care, but I can't claim housing benefit living with parents so can't afford more - overallI'm slightly worse off money wise. Parents are stuck with a house they can't really afford so it's a help to them too.

Sounds stifling to me, but you seem very happy with it. Not a lot you can do with this though, goes with the territory of being in someone else's house.

I wouldn't be happy about dogs staying in my bedroom overnight, but I don't see why the people staying in your room are any different from your sister etc.

We often used to have to move out of our bedrooms to accommodate guests...

I can't live anywhere else. Nanas care and I need care sometimes.

Then you have leverage. Tell your dad no.

Oh, and I pay the Internet/TV/phone bill of £70/ month too.

So stand up for yourself. Tell them you're not budging and he can give his own bed up. You're paying enough to have rights.

No I really don't think it's OK that you have to move out of your room for visitors, except for your sisters as agreed.

Sorry, but I can't imagine living with extended family. A brief visit is fine but longer and I'd lose my sanity.

Unfortunately, I think as its not your house you are as much a guest there as Dad's friend.

If it's going to cause issues in the future, I think you probably need to have a serious conversation together and agree some ground rules that you can all live with.

I would say to him very gently that you do like the new living arrangements and for your Dsis you don't mind giving up your bed (although TBH I'd be less inclined to give up my bed for my DSis- she could sleep on the sofa bed!) but this is now your home and you're not just a long term visitor. As such you don't want to be moving out of your room every time a visitor might arrive.

You can live elsewhere with care needs.

If your dps can't afford their home they need to sell up.

Why are the guests not getting a hotel room?dogs?

Can you not have your DCs in with you and let the visitors stay in the DC's room?

It always has been kind of my house too, I had a key, kept clothes and toys and had friends round even before I officially lived here. Both sisters are the same. My local sisters dog stays over, but he has a crate and is family.

If you're paying your way (which is sounds like you are) and reciprocating the care you receive (which you appear to be), when you can, then YANBU.

Just say no. If your Dad insists I'd think about moving out.

Kids beds aren't full sized and their room is tiny. My room is also the lounge for me and kids (although tbh we mostly are downstairs either in Nanas 'granny flat' or the main lounge.

They can't move. Long story, it's complex but one of the reasons is my Nanas care needs.

My illness means if I was ill I would have to have an extended stay here anyway. It's severe mental ill health. Since I've been here I have been loads more stable, which is very important for the kids.